# How to woo an American? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 28, 2006, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210 "2006-03-28T05:20:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210/41 "2006-03-29T04:40:26Z")
Being a heterosexual male I have no direct experience, but based on what I know of stereotypical American men: [ul] [li]If serving him a meal, it should consist mostly of meat and potatoes. Portion size should be at least twice as big as you think is necessary. [/li][li]Every meal is accompanied by dessert. It shouldn’t contain any vegetables or recognizable pieces of fruit. In fact, it shouldn’t contain much of anything except sugar, fat and flour.[/li][li]Give him a chance to show off his knowledge of cars, computers, and sports. But don’t put him on the spot, like asking him to actually fix your car.[/li][li]You are a foreigner, so he won’t be too pleased if you criticize America. Even when he criticizes America, don’t agree too enthusiastically.[/li][li]However, it is perfectly acceptable for you to criticize specific American politicians, political parties, or minority groups, assuming he agrees with you and cares about that sort of thing.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210/42 "2006-03-29T06:39:23Z")
> [@scr4](#): > > \[li]You are a foreigner, so he won’t be too pleased if you criticize America. Even when he criticizes America, don’t agree too enthusiastically.[/li]\ Ooh, that’s gonna be a tough one. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210/43 "2006-03-29T08:10:56Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > :Cus, you know, when I get him here, it’s better if he’s not irreparably brain damaged! 😃 Let’s see. You want an American man, but you don’t want one irreparably brain damaged. Do you know the odds? I’m an American man, and irreparably brain damaged. ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210/44 "2006-03-29T08:26:10Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > Here’s my advice… > > 1. Work on getting rid of your gag reflex. Foreigners must think Americans are well hung because I often hear them say “Americans make me gag”. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210/45 "2006-03-29T17:08:52Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > (I second the March Madness talk) What excatly is March Madness? football or something? ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210/46 "2006-03-29T17:39:15Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > What excatly is March Madness? football or something? NCAA Basketball. Just google it. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210/47 "2006-03-29T17:40:41Z")
I wanted to add this - I say just google it not because I’m trying to be bitchy or anything, I say it because I don’t know how to explain it. I’m a chick! I don’t know these things! ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210/48 "2006-03-29T18:21:34Z")
> [@scr4](#): > > If serving him a meal, it should consist mostly of meat and potatoes. Portion size should be at least twice as big as you think is necessary. Or just go to a restaurant and watch what he orders for himself. Most American men I know won’t order for you, though; we’ve been conditioned to believe that ordering for your female date is patronizing and patriarchal and paternal and… patella. (Well, it starts with “pat.”) Ditto on pulling out your chair, and opening car doors. Some American men do this all the time for their gals, but I wouldn’t call the habit widespread. > [@](#): > > You are a foreigner, so he won’t be too pleased if you criticize America. Even when he criticizes America, don’t agree too enthusiastically. It’s the patriotic duty of every American to complain about his government. Let _him_ complain about America—he’s going to anyway—but praise him for how open-minded he is. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210/49 "2006-03-29T18:45:42Z")
> [@Antigen](#): > > To _keep_ him interested… sex and cookies. Just be careful of backwash - those crumbs can hurt! ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2006, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210/50 "2006-03-29T19:24:08Z")
> [@DanBlather](#): > > Foreigners must think Americans are well hung because I often hear them say “Americans make me gag”. Yep…well…if the shoe fits…hang it over your wang …or however it goes [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-woo-an-american/350210.md?page=2)