# how useful would you be if the world ended?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 20, 2001, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066 "2001-08-20T01:01:03Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2001, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/21 "2001-08-20T14:24:45Z")
I’m really good at letting people cater to all of my needs:)
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### Author:  [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2001, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/22 "2001-08-20T14:33:55Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by tevya \*
> \*\*I would be very useful because the first thing **I** would raid would be the library…
>
> I’d also try looting a pharmacy and hardware store while people are still trying to get a handle on things…\*\*
OK, I think we can safely assume the **tevya** gets to join the survivors.
Me, I can make a fire out of things most people don’t know can burn; I can make tasty meals out of things I dig-up or catch, again stuff people wouldn’t think of (Wild garlic, mint, and other spices, anyone? How about Sassafras tea?); I’m a good shot, either hunting or combat; I can build warm water-proof shelters from material lying around; I can re-wire an electrical motor or distribution system; I can build simple wind- or water-powered generators; I’m big, strong, and reasonably healthy.
-but-
I’ve got poor eyesight, and am lost without my glasses; I know very little about farming, animal husbandry, and preserving foods (‘smoking’ food is a far as I go, preservation-wise); I’m poor at anything beyond basic metalworking;, coundn’t harness oxen to a plow, and wouldn’t be able to run a straight furrow without some major practice.
So…
I guess I could make it long enough to become useful to the remaining farmers, and thus buy my family and myself a chance.
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### Author:  [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2001, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/23 "2001-08-20T14:47:40Z")
Well, I have a farm with horses, trucks, tractors, all kinds of firearms, ponds, Hunting Bow, the whole nine yards.
I also have a hockey mask.
I’d wear the mask and be a post-apocalyptic warlord living in his stronghold while ruling over his tribe of subhuman mutants.
I’d go out and conquer peace loving people who were trying to rebuild society and stuff.
Kinda like that guy “Humongous” in **The Road Warrior**
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### Author:  [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2001, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/24 "2001-08-20T14:51:18Z")
> [@](#):
>
> …warlord living in his stronghold while ruling over his tribe of subhuman mutants.
I dunno. The first thought that came to mind after reading this was **“Jabba the Hut”**. 😃
I know, I know, he’s not post-apocalyptic, I’m just sayin’ it was the first thought.
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### Author:  [@that\_darn\_cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/that_darn_cat)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2001, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/25 "2001-08-20T14:57:05Z")
Lesse,
- Basic first aid and CPR training
- Fair carpenter and half-assed mechanic
- Half decent shot, modern or blackpowder
(Given time, I think I could make blackpowder)
- I can shoot a bow in a pinch
- I can brew beer, and given time could probably knock together a still.
- Brewing leaves a lot of leftovr yeast, and I make tasty bread. Not to mention I’m a pretty good cook, even outdoors.
On the down side, I’m blind as a bat. The first place I’d raid is an optomitrist (sp), in the hopes of getting the materials and refrences to make new glasses when the time came.
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### Author:  [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2001, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/26 "2001-08-20T14:59:43Z")
I live in a pretty remote area and have passive solar heat. All my additional heat comes from a wood stove. I also have a fresh water spring that runs on my property year round. So for shelter and water I would be in good shape.
I have a number of firearms so I would be able to hunt. My dad was worried about the Y2K thing and he bought both my brother and me a case of .22 long rifle rounds. However the idea of fried ground squirrel does not seem too appealing.
I do just about all my repairs and have a large assortment of tools so I would be in pretty good shape there.
Transportation would be a problem.
I’m a programmer and really did not worry about the Y2K thing - give us some credit people. What I thought “could” happen is some nuts taking out some primary power distribution or something in hopes of starting a panic. Still that would have gotten sorted out pretty quick.
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### Author:  [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2001, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/27 "2001-08-20T15:00:20Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I’d wear the mask and be a post-apocalyptic warlord living in his stronghold while ruling over his tribe of subhuman mutants.
>
> I’d go out and conquer peace loving people who were trying to rebuild society and stuff.
I think I’m gonna join **Scylla’s** team. I can fight, with weapons or without, and although I am a little out of practice I am quite handy with a bow. Whether a Master of Assassins or a Horde Historian or a Cunning Linguist is required, I never fail to satisfy.
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### Author:  [@Caldazar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caldazar)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2001, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/28 "2001-08-20T16:25:18Z")
I’m fairly knowledgeable on the production and distillation of alcohol.
That’s pretty much it, unless anyone happened to need me to troubleshoot a computer after the downfall of society.
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### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/29 "2001-08-21T02:32:44Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Scylla \*
> \*\*Well, I have a farm with horses, trucks, tractors… \*\*
What about Pirate? Wouldn’t be a decent post apocalyptic party without that horny old goat.
**My Worth**
I have a tractor.
Plenty of Hockey Sticks.
We could play tractor polo.
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### Author:  [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/30 "2001-08-21T02:52:00Z")
Another woman with child-bearin’ hips here.
Also, I have good aim with bow and arrow, although I’ve never tried to make my own from scratch.
I can sew by hand.
I know how to card wool and make and use a hand-loom.
I used to know how to use a spinning wheel but that was years ago and I don’t know whether I could figure it out again.
I can manage a kitchen garden, though not a large farm.
I know basic first aid and CPR.
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### Author:  [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/31 "2001-08-21T02:53:19Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by chique \*
> \*\*Hrm.
>
> I can milk a cow by hand. \*\*
Uh, **chique** , my dear, um, that’s not a cow, and uh, er, that’s not milk.
😃
[sub]thjckaz ducks and runs as fast as he can[/sub]
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### Author:  [@Lyllyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyllyan)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/32 "2001-08-21T03:16:26Z")
If the world ends, can I be Queen? I’m good at that.
I am able to …
grow food
can food (not meat though, don’t know how to do that yet)
Shoot a gun fairly accurately
start a fire
cook over a fire
I have all the _Foxfire_books 🙂
make cheese
milk a cow
I know basic first aid and CPR (when you have kids, you have to know this stuff)
Good birthin’ hips - (pain killers!? We don’t need no stinkin pain killers!)
Research for useful information in all the library books that **tevya** scavenged.
ride a horse
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### Author:  [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/33 "2001-08-21T10:20:52Z")
I’ve taken two college courses in hypnosis. How else do you think I manage my hordes?
Combine that with my naturally straight and cavity-free teeth, and I’ll rule the world in no time.
Not to mention I can repair bicycles (because gasoline won’t last long), brew _good_ beer, and will have the entire contents of several libraries hidden in my fortress about 2 hours after civilization falls.
And apparently, I know how to [cut hair](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=74971&pagenumber=3). (Although I can’t figure out how to code so that this link appears on the posting made by **Drastic**.
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### Author:  [@Jeffro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeffro)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/34 "2001-08-21T11:18:36Z")
I think I would be a Gilligan, general all around f\*\*k up.
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### Author:  [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/35 "2001-08-21T11:21:31Z")
If marinated and cooked just right, I would make a delicious entree for a family of eight.
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### Author:  [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/36 "2001-08-21T12:52:39Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by BunnyGirl \*
> \*\*[li]Like other ladies said: I gots birthin’ hips[/li][li]Former EMT; I can try to keep people healthy[/list][/li]When the ball drops, you know where to find me! 😃 \*\*
**Bunny**?? My balls just dropped.
Where are you? 😉
Cartooniverse\*
\*present EMT. We can build a Health Lean-To !..
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### Author:  [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/37 "2001-08-21T13:30:32Z")
> [@](#):
>
> …become useful to the remaining farmers…
Well, seeing as we have serveral wannabe Post-Apocalyptic Warlords in here, I guess I’ll do better than I thought.
In addition to the above posted skills, I can:
- _Make_ black poweder, and not that cheesy serpentine stuff, either. I’m talking proper corned powder. _And_ I know how not to blow-up the powder mill (very important, that!).
- I can make lots of other interesting compounds, including nitroglycerin and napalm. Also, a number of assorted war gasses and poisons. Product of a miss-spent youth, you know.
- I understand the basics of foundry work, so I can make things out of cast metal, like… Artillery! (also pots and pans. You never know what some people find useful… 😃 ).
- I understand the principles and practice of both defensive _and_ offensive siege warfare.
- I also understand the principles and design of a number of medieval siege weapons, for when we _really_ get degenerate.
- I can teach in close order and extended order drill. The kind of drill that turns a rabble into efficiently moving unit, including proper combat-deployment (for when we degenerate to muzzle-loaders or worse).
- I can swing a mean hammer, and can follow a carpenter’s directions.
- I can help drink the beer that the brewers are offering.
So! Who wants me on their side? The Post-Apocalyptic Warlords, or the Peaceful Farmers Defending Their Community?
The bidding starts at one keg of beer.
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### Author:  [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/38 "2001-08-21T14:18:08Z")
The Warlords select **Tranquilis**.
If you’re anywhere near the east coast, we should meet up and make a trebuchet or something. Seriously.
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### Author:  [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/39 "2001-08-21T14:43:05Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Maeglin \*
> If you’re anywhere near the east coast, we should meet up and make a trebuchet or something. Seriously.
So where were you in spring 1999? I worked on a trebuchet with the intended goal of lobbing a 50lb projectile across the Charles River at MIT.
I offer years of experience translating ecclesiastical documents and knowledge of arcane Catholic theology. Though of course I will hold myself above petty secular squabbles between Warlords and Farmers, I will gradually convince everyone that only my organization can confer the title of Grand Poobah. Using carefully-plotted schemes, I shall manipulate the balance of power to ensure that the world does not fall into chaos and disorder again …
… that is, unless I wish it.
I offer comfortable positions in the hierarchy to those who are able to appear pious, can subtly influence national policy, and are willing to put up with an hour or two of customer service each week.
(And if you’re a cute babe, well, I’ll offer a VERY comfortable position.)
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### Author:  [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2001, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-useful-would-you-be-if-the-world-ended/77066/40 "2001-08-21T14:45:20Z")
No problem here – the world always needs someone to make up parody songs, right?
Right?
I said, “Right?”
Hello? Anyone there?
[sub]\\[/sub]
Oh all right then. I can cook and sew tolerably well, and I’d make a good jester/bard for any aspiring warlord.
But I definitely don’t having child-bearing hips. Or a uterus, for that matter…
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