# How weird is this? 21 year old guy, 16 year old girl... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 15, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872 "2009-06-15T20:38:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/41 "2009-06-16T16:04:08Z")
> [@Aangelica](#): > > My sister is almost 10 years younger than her husband of fifteen years. I, for one, object to the marrying of 5 year olds. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/42 "2009-06-16T16:06:37Z")
\*Almost \*ten years younger, **Enderw**. She could be in first or second grade! ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/43 "2009-06-16T16:24:47Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > This topic sure does come up a lot. It does. I think 16 to 21 is unusual, but in this case readily explicable. They spent a lot of time together for fairly natural reasons. Eventually, stuff happened. If the 21 year old is a good guy then I’m inclined to think it’s fine. All parties involved should be aware of the relevant AOC. If it’s 17 or 18 then the boy needs to be warned to be careful just in case things go badly (woman scorned, pregnant, etc). ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/44 "2009-06-16T16:55:06Z")
I dated (and had sex with) a 21 year old when I was 17. There was nothing bad or unequal in our relationship. I guess he was a bit immature for his age, so we were about on par with each other. And we met because we went to the same college and were in a club together. He was a great guy and made an excellent first boyfriend. My husband of 12 years is a lot like him in many ways, so I guess he helped me figure out what I like in a man. I think this situation sounds much more like my experience, rather than a skeezy man preying on a young girl because he can manipulate her. The fact that the guy is in college and socially awkward says to me that he’s still in “kid mode” and has a lot in common with the girl. There’s also no reason to ask, “why is this guy trolling for a girl that age,” since they met naturally enough. Bottom line - it seems as harmless as allowing her to do the same things with a 17 year old boy. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/45 "2009-06-16T17:06:57Z")
If the 21-yo is socially immature, he may be at the same stage as the girl. If they’re both socially awkward, they may really not be doing anything implied in ‘making out’ besides making out. Whether doing more than making out is legal depends on the state, and I think 16 is still legal in some states ([_checks_ - yep](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America#Federal_laws)). I’m picturing ‘Napoleon Dynamite and Deb’ - is that about right? If I knew the boy, and he really was about 17 emotionally, and my daughter had never dated, I think I’d be happy for her. My daughter is 11, though, and my opinion may change in a few years. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/46 "2009-06-16T17:07:03Z")
> [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > It is not that weird. A friend of mine fell in love with our science practice teacher when we were juniors in high school. > > When she was a junior in college, she married him. They are still married 40 years later. > > I should note that he did not DATE her when he was her practice teacher–that would have been weird–but that was the point at which he stopped dating anyone else. There was never anyone else for her after that either. **I think they both spent about a year agonizing over this hopeless, doomed non-romance until they decided to actually start going together**. Pfft. They were boinking that whole time and keeping it on the downlow. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/47 "2009-06-16T17:21:53Z")
> [@An\_Arky](#): > > Pfft. They were boinking that whole time and keeping it on the downlow. 😃 Pfft. He was probably boinking her uphigh before he was boinking her downlow. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/48 "2009-06-16T17:40:43Z")
> [@bup](#): > > snip > > Whether doing more than making out is legal depends on the state, and I think 16 is still legal in some states ([_checks_ - yep](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America#Federal_laws)). > > snip Interesting link…the age of consent is 18 in a number of states. Recalling my high school days, that seems pretty unrealistic to me. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/49 "2009-06-16T17:44:22Z")
It’s already been posted, so I’ll just jump on the bandwagon for age / 2 + 7 as the rule of thumb. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/50 "2009-06-16T19:58:10Z")
Meh. Does the girl has any self-respect? Then she’s fine. If she doesn’t, it doesn’t matter how old the guy is. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/51 "2009-06-16T20:08:46Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Meh. > > Does the girl has any self-respect? Then she’s fine. If she doesn’t, it doesn’t matter how old the guy is. While a lass with no self-respect is screwed no matter what, a perfectly smart and self-respecting teen girl can easily be taken advantage of by an older man. ---
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/52 "2009-06-16T20:27:02Z")
Long story so I will not go into it. My wife is 4.5 years younger than me. She was in high choool and I was in college when we started to date. If I had known just how much the difference in our age was we would not have started to date. By the time I realized just how young she was I was hooked. We got married in 1971 and are still married. So it can work out. ---
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/53 "2009-06-16T20:30:49Z")
> [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](#): > > As a (recently turned) 22-year-old male, I’d say this is a little unusual. It usually shows a lot more about the older party’s maturity, in my experience. My friends and I see girls that young as basically children. I just can’t see the appeal of dating someone like that, and all the guys I know who _have_ dated that young tend to be (a) unable to get action elsewhere or (b) have sort of frozen their emotional development at the end of high school. One acquaintance, for example, graduated from high school, kept the job he had over the summers during high school, and stayed around all his high school friends (who were living in a similar pattern). Five years out, he was still interested in high-school girls because his life had sort of stopped developing there. Not always. I enjoyed my wife’s company because she was more mature that many of the girls I was dating that were my age. She did not play games. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/54 "2009-06-16T20:40:23Z")
**RickJay** , someone can have self-respect and still be naive. ---
**Author:** ![Klostertal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Klostertal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klostertal)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/55 "2009-06-16T22:09:35Z")
I’m a 24-year old guy who is seeing a woman who is 17 years my senior. We’re both extremely happy. I think some previous posters’ strict rules about maximum age gaps are ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/56 "2009-06-16T22:43:52Z")
> [@Sonnenstrahl](#): > > She might be a very mature 16-year-old, but unless she’s living a very unusual life, she’s not going to have much to talk about college seniors about. I generally dated girls 5-6 years older from 14 onwards, and the primary reason for this was that it was easier to find things in common. I wouldn’t be so dismissive; this is bound to happen sometimes. (I hesitate to add that the _secondary_ reason that I chased after girls that were older than me was that they put out much more reliably.) ---
**Author:** ![Neptunian\_Slug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@Neptunian\_Slug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neptunian_Slug)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/57 "2009-06-17T05:01:30Z")
In my first job after college, my co-workers tried to hook me up with the 18-year old high school senior who was interning in the office. I was 22 and there certainly wouldn’t have been anything illegal about it. However, it felt creepy to me. Looking back I am not sure why I felt that way. After all, my father is 21 years older than my mother. And at the time, its not like women were beating a path to my door. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/58 "2009-06-17T05:58:57Z")
When I was 15 I dated a 10yo. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/59 "2009-06-17T16:27:10Z")
Pffft. Nothing wrong with 21/16 at all. That 1/2+7 rule is stupid. ---
**Author:** ![mwelch1904](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@mwelch1904](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mwelch1904)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872/60 "2009-06-17T23:22:45Z")
I’m 19 and I am seeing a 40 year old woman… Now that is a weird gap! “Hey get off my case bub” “She doesn’t look her age!” “I know, I know…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-weird-is-this-21-year-old-guy-16-year-old-girl/499872.md?page=4)