# How well would you and your spouse do on an INS interview? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2010, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042 "2010-05-19T19:43:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Driver8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Driver8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Driver8)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/41 "2010-05-20T21:45:00Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > The hardest (if you can call it that) was the interview after two years to change her residency from conditional to permanent. We had a couple of letters from friends, and basic questions from the initial application interview from years before: how’d we meet? How’s her English coming along? Okay, nice couple, turn in the green card, use this I-94 again until the permanent card shows up, and have a nice day. I didn’t realize you had to do an interview again at the two year condition removing stage. We went through this at the beginning of the year - about two months after sending in the paperwork they just sent the condition-free permanent resident card. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/42 "2010-05-20T22:01:53Z")
I’m a natural born U.S. Citizen, but if I was asked questions like in the OPs example, I would be at the Krome Detention Center in Miami, handcuffed to a steel bench, in line behind low-level Guatemalan drug mules waiting to be deported. But, seriously, though, unless they see a payment of money, they how far can they press it? Sure, she doesn’t speech English, and I don’t speak Spanish. I like a woman that doesn’t talk back. We live in separate houses? Sure, that’s the kind of relationship we both want; come and go as we please, etc. Where do they stop making value judgments as to the quality of a marriage? ---
**Author:** ![Driver8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Driver8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Driver8)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/43 "2010-05-21T00:23:05Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > But, seriously, though, unless they see a payment of money, they how far can they press it? > > Sure, she doesn’t speech English, and I don’t speak Spanish. I like a woman that doesn’t talk back. We live in separate houses? Sure, that’s the kind of relationship we both want; come and go as we please, etc. > > Where do they stop making value judgments as to the quality of a marriage? As far as I know, they can push it pretty far. My understanding is that it isn’t like a court of law such that they’d have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that there is fraud. I’m not sure it is as bad as “you have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that the marriage is real”, but there is definitely more pressure on you to prove there is no fraud rather then them proving there is fraud. ---
**Author:** ![SlowMindThinking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@SlowMindThinking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlowMindThinking)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/44 "2010-05-21T00:33:59Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > When my friend and her husband (she’s American, he’s British) went through this, they were completely overprepared and were also kind of disappointed that their interviewer didn’t care about their pictures and things. > > If it were a “what color is your toothbrush” type interview, I’d do well because I do a lot of my husband’s shopping. Being the one who picked out his blue electric toothbrush makes it a lot easier to remember later. I don’t know how he’d do; we talk about things like my face products, but he’s not great at remembering things like brand names. > The birth control question is perfect. Who thinks of that unless they’re using it? I don’t even know the color of _my own_ toothbrush. Hell, I don’t even know the brand. Pretty confident I could nail the toothpaste I use, though. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/45 "2010-05-21T00:39:05Z")
> [@Driver8](#): > > As far as I know, they can push it pretty far. My understanding is that it isn’t like a court of law such that they’d have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that there is fraud. I’m not sure it is as bad as “you have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that the marriage is real”, but there is definitely more pressure on you to prove there is no fraud rather then them proving there is fraud. But what is a “real” marriage? Many couples have open marriages, for example. Would that disqualify them? My parents lived apart for a few months while they patched things up. They remained married, no? Separate bank accounts like was mentioned up thread? Many couples do that. It would seem that unless they browbeat you enough and you broke down and admitted that the whole thing was a sham, there is little in the way of tangible evidence that means much of anything. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/46 "2010-05-21T01:54:29Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > But what is a “real” marriage? Many couples have open marriages, for example. Would that disqualify them? My parents lived apart for a few months while they patched things up. They remained married, no? Separate bank accounts like was mentioned up thread? Many couples do that. > > It would seem that unless they browbeat you enough and you broke down and admitted that the whole thing was a sham, there is little in the way of tangible evidence that means much of anything. Well, like it or not the spouse is petitioning for the _privilege_ of living as a permanent resident in the US. There’s things that the immigration authorities like to see, and there’s things that they _don’t_ like to see, before they decide to extend that privilege. It’s not a court of law. If it’s offensive to a couple to take the recommended steps of having joint bank accounts, living together and not blabbing to the world that they’re sleeping with other people, then maybe immigration under the auspices of marriage isn’t really for them. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/47 "2010-05-21T02:35:47Z")
> [@SlowMindThinking](#): > > I don’t even know the color of _my own_ toothbrush. Hell, I don’t even know the brand. > Pretty confident I could nail the toothpaste I use, though. We had a roommate who worked for a toothpaste factory, every few months he would bring home a plastic thank you sack of random toothpaste. We have everything from toms of maine to go smile morning toothpaste lurking under the sink. Makes grabbing a new tube somewhat interesting. I never know what is going to be the next toothpaste we use =) ---
**Author:** ![Driver8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Driver8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Driver8)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/48 "2010-05-21T05:05:55Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > But what is a “real” marriage? Many couples have open marriages, for example. Would that disqualify them? My parents lived apart for a few months while they patched things up. They remained married, no? Separate bank accounts like was mentioned up thread? Many couples do that. > > It would seem that unless they browbeat you enough and you broke down and admitted that the whole thing was a sham, there is little in the way of tangible evidence that means much of anything. I think even if your marriage was legitimate if you had lot of nontraditional factors (living separately, no common language, etc) you would be in trouble. In the context of immigration through marriage the answer to the question “what is a real marriage?” is “whatever USCIS thinks is a real marriage”. I doubt merely having separate bank accounts would do you in, but having separate bank accounts and not living together, etc might. Is there reasonable doubt against making a case for fraud? Sure. Does USCIS need to show that there isn’t reasonable doubt before denying the permanent residency? Not as far as I know. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/49 "2010-05-21T12:29:44Z")
In the interest of full disclosure, the interviews that I sat in on had set off warning bells prior to the interview. All the couples failed spectacularly. One woman even called her husband “Mr. lastname.” She had married her boss because he was about to get deported. The one non-alarm interview I sat in on was pretty short and obviously a “real” marriage. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/50 "2010-05-21T17:51:41Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > But what is a “real” marriage? Many couples have open marriages, for example. Would that disqualify them? My parents lived apart for a few months while they patched things up. They remained married, no? Separate bank accounts like was mentioned up thread? Many couples do that. > > It would seem that unless they browbeat you enough and you broke down and admitted that the whole thing was a sham, there is little in the way of tangible evidence that means much of anything. After my husband and I had our interview, we spoke with one of our friends who used to work with some people at the INS. They knew people who knew people, etc., and they said that one of their red flags (beyond the obvious) was when a couple were all over each other in the waiting area. At least in our case, they had a large, white room with two or three bullet-proof windows where you’d form a queue and check in. Then you’d sit down on these awful non-descript chairs and wait. I think we waited maybe an hour, though sometimes you’ll wait longer or shorter than that. Apparently, many of the interviewers observe the couples when they aren’t aware they’re being watched. Those couples that were more natural – chatting, reading, whatever – were considered more likely to be a “real” couple than those who were climbing into each other’s laps and making out. After hearing that, I always wondered what our interviewer thought. I don’t remember why, but I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself just before the interview. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/51 "2010-05-21T21:06:17Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > Well, like it or not the spouse is petitioning for the _privilege_ of living as a permanent resident in the US. I don’t like that. As a U.S. Citizen, I should be able to marry whomever I please and have her live here with me. It’s not just the spouse, it is the citizen wanting to enjoy the company of his/her spouse. I understand that they have an interest in enforcing immigration laws, but if they abuse this, then that is too much. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2010, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/52 "2010-05-22T02:58:34Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > I don’t like that. As a U.S. Citizen, I should be able to marry whomever I please and have her live here with me. It’s not just the spouse, it is the citizen wanting to enjoy the company of his/her spouse. > > I understand that they have an interest in enforcing immigration laws, but if they abuse this, then that is too much. ahem . . . pardon me while I fall down laughing. **HA! HA! HA! HA!** \ I’m sorry, you just too, too funny. You have no idea what kind of country you live in, do you? heeee . . . ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2010, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/53 "2010-06-13T20:44:04Z")
This thread’s only a few weeks old, so i thought i’d bump it to post a link to an interesting and relevant article from today’s _New York Times_: [Do You Take This Immigrant?](http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/13/nyregion/13fraud.html?ref=nyregion) It’s a story that focuses specifically on couples who have failed their first interview, and are back for a second one, usually with a lawyer. It must be a pretty nerve-wracking experience. I’m really interested to see the article they are going to publish on Monday: > [@](#): > > A Queens couple, married 17 years and denied three times, is still asking for a green card. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/54 "2010-06-15T02:53:46Z")
My wife and I went out to dinner with an immigration lawyer a few years ago and the subject came up. We asked him to test us so he asked about two questions and said that at point the interviewer would realize we were telling the truth and just drop it and stop wasting time. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/55 "2010-06-15T03:31:22Z")
I’d love to see some red-blooded American couples have an interview post-shotgun wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/56 "2010-06-15T07:32:36Z")
> [@Surly\_Chick](#): > > In the interest of full disclosure, the interviews that I sat in on had set off warning bells prior to the interview. All the couples failed spectacularly. One woman even called her husband “Mr. lastname.” She had married her boss because he was about to get deported. The one non-alarm interview I sat in on was pretty short and obviously a “real” marriage. Hey, that’s unusual nowadays, but I’ve known old ladies who spoke of their husbands as Mr. Lastname… they were all Jamaican and if I’m counting correctly born in the 30s. ---
**Author:** ![gelid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/65b543/32.png) [@gelid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gelid)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/57 "2010-06-15T10:36:33Z")
I’m late to the party, but I did one of these in France (husband is French, I’m American). They separated us and asked if we went grocery shopping together, what the last movie we saw was, what the last present he gave me was. For extra fun, they sent two cops to our house at 6:00 a.m. Pounding on the door at the crack of dawn, to see if we really lived together I guess. They looked in every room (checking for a double bed?), asked for wedding photos, etc. All ended well, they let me stay. ---
**Author:** ![gelid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/65b543/32.png) [@gelid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gelid)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/58 "2010-06-15T10:59:27Z")
Oops, I see the “dawn bed check” was addressed in the article **mhendo** posted. Forgot to add that in the separate interviews, they asked us who proposed to whom, and how it happened. I can see how these clever little questions could trip up fake couples. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2010, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/59 "2010-06-16T23:28:07Z")
> [@gelid](#): > > Oops, I see the “dawn bed check” was addressed in the article **mhendo** posted. > > Forgot to add that in the separate interviews, they asked us who proposed to whom, and how it happened. I can see how these clever little questions could trip up fake couples. I think we wouldn’t do very well. Someone asked us recently who had proposed and we really started thinking about it, but neither of us could remember anything about how we decided to get married. To be fair, it’s been a while, and we’d been living together for some time when we married. And I don’t share my bank accounts with _anyone_. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042/60 "2010-06-17T07:21:52Z")
Heh. When we’d been married for about a year, I knew my husband’s social security number, his preferred brand and type of cigarettes, and all sorts of things about him. He didn’t know a lot about me, because he just is not really observant. We’ve been married 33 years now. When we sit down at a restaurant, he asks me what he’s in the mood to eat. And I tell him, and I’m usually right. He has dyslexia, he’s farsighted, and he hates to read. He CAN read, but he generally would prefer for someone else to read for him. If I come across any porn while I’m surfing, I send him a link if I think he’d like it, and usually he DOES like it. He has no idea of what I like, partly because I don’t gawk at men in public, and partly because he’s not observant. He CAN tell you that I like Godiva chocolate, preferably dark chocolate caramels. That’s very important. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-well-would-you-and-your-spouse-do-on-an-ins-interview/540042.md?page=4)