# How will I keep a straight face during roll call? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 13, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396 "2003-01-13T22:32:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/1 "2003-01-13T22:32:37Z")
I’ve already got my two classes at one college and will meet the other three at Campus #2 on Wed. I look through my roll sheets for the second campus, and what do I find? A student whose last name is… Tampon. Yes, that’s right. So…I’m planning to say her first name loudly, then her last name quietly and with the wrong pronunciation, like tahm-pone. Oh man, I hope I can get through it. It’s almost as bad as the time I had a student named Hung Wei Lo. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/2 "2003-01-13T23:08:02Z")
You teach at the college level, and you’re all worked up over “funny” names. Hmmm. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/3 "2003-01-13T23:09:39Z")
Oh, come on. Just pray it’s not her married name. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/4 "2003-01-13T23:22:00Z")
I mentioned in another thread somewhere that I had a female student once whose name was B.J. Cummings. How’s that for a porn name? I also had to learn to pronounce “Mchedlishvili.” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/5 "2003-01-13T23:31:11Z")
Pronounce it in French: “tem-POHN” In French, the word means “rubber stamp,” incidentally. And grow up, whydon’tcha? ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/6 "2003-01-13T23:46:45Z")
Oh pish posh, come on all you sticks-in-the-mud, that’s worth a giggle, right? ---
**Author:** ![Melandry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Melandry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melandry)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/7 "2003-01-14T00:51:41Z")
Plus, **vivalostwages** could just be thinking of the other students’ reaction, and not wanting to embarass the girl. Although god knows she’s probably used to it by now. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/8 "2003-01-14T01:00:49Z")
Personally, I’d be worried about pulling a “Mr. Broccoli” and calling her “Miss Tampax.” [size=1]For those not in the know, there once was an episode of _Star Trek: The Next Generation_ in which it filtered up to Capt. Picard that some people covertly referred to Reginald Barkley as “Mr. Broccoli.” The good captain was indignant and insisted that anyone who would do such a thing was childish. At next opportunity, he Freudian slipped and called Reg “Mr. Broccoli” to his face. Gaudere’s Law, indeed.\* ---
**Author:** ![cadolphin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c37758/32.png) [@cadolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cadolphin)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/9 "2003-01-14T01:02:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by White Lightning \* > \*\*Oh pish posh, come on all you sticks-in-the-mud, that’s worth a giggle, right? \*\* I’m with **White Lightning**. It got a snicker out of me. I refuse to grow up. I tried it once and didn’t like it… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/10 "2003-01-14T01:02:02Z")
Aw, crap. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/11 "2003-01-14T02:30:06Z")
My colleagues are much worse than I am about stuff like this. One says I should play it for laughs, and the other said that when he tried to “save” a student whose name was Phuoc Yu by saying “Yu Phuoc” instead, he was corrected by said student with a very loud “Phuoc Yu.” So much for trying to spare 'em, as **Melandry** suggested. ---
**Author:** ![JayElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@JayElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JayElle)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/12 "2003-01-14T03:23:14Z")
My mother absolutely _swears_ she once had a student named “Placenta”… ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/13 "2003-01-14T05:47:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JayElle \* > \*\*My mother absolutely _swears_ she once had a student named “Placenta”… \*\* * * * :eek: I believe it. I believe anything after all these years of roll sheets. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/14 "2003-01-14T09:20:50Z")
> [@](#): > > I also had to learn to pronounce “Mchedlishvili.” McHedlishvili? What’s that, Scots-Indian? Some sort of bastard offspring from Apu and Groundskeeper Willy? “You may take our lives, but you’ll never take out freedom! Thank you, come again!” ---
**Author:** ![Siemsi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Siemsi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siemsi)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/15 "2003-01-14T13:46:22Z")
That is hilarious…I’m with White Lightning. I, also, refuse to grow up. Laughter is the best medicine. ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/16 "2003-01-14T13:51:45Z")
I once handed a student ID card to a guy named Dikshit Patel. I think the colonials were having some fun with the locals in India. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/17 "2003-01-14T13:55:40Z")
A former co-worker once issued a library card to a little girl named Shi’Tonya. She didn’t even see it until she was typing the girl’s name into the computer in all caps. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/18 "2003-01-14T14:23:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miller \* > \*\*McHedlishvili? What’s that, Scots-Indian? Some sort of bastard offspring from Apu and Groundskeeper Willy? \*\* Sounds like Scots-Georgian to me. Georgia the former Soviet Republic, not the U.S. state. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/19 "2003-01-14T14:58:06Z")
I’ve seen the lastname “Glasscock” a few times. Must be rough. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/20 "2003-01-14T22:45:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Siemsi \* > \*\*That is hilarious…I’m with White Lightning. > > I, also, refuse to grow up. > > Laughter is the best medicine. \*\* * * * Drop by the faculty lounge some time. We’d love to have you.🙂 We could interrupt our discussions of **South Park** just long enough to have a funny-name contest. If anyone out there thinks they can “reform” higher education, they’ve got a long, hard road ahead of 'em. 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396.md?page=2)