# How will I keep a straight face during roll call? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 13, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396 "2003-01-13T22:32:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/21 "2003-01-14T22:46:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > \*\*I’ve seen the lastname “Glasscock” a few times. Must be rough. \*\* * * * Rough? Sounds rather fragile to me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kirk280980](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c77e96/32.png) [@kirk280980](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kirk280980)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/22 "2003-01-14T23:01:15Z")
Two names I heard in my previous job were Mrs Cowmeadow and Mrs Shaglady. Needless to say, when I actually got round to calling them, I thought it would be safer to simply address them both as Ma’am. There was also a Polish customer, whose surname was Matwizczuk. No way was I able to guess the pronunciation of that one, so in the end I just asked him outright. Turns out it was pronounced Mat-a-chess-ki… not at all how I imagined! ---
**Author:** ![5-HT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/f19dbf/32.png) [@5-HT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5-HT)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/23 "2003-01-15T00:12:49Z")
well this is kind of disturbing, but this is the technique I use to stop from laughing… I think of incredibly sad or upsetting things. I’ll imagine something bad happening to someone I care about and how I would feel about it. It’s not pleasant, but it’ll keep you from laughing. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/24 "2003-01-15T06:18:31Z")
This reminds me of a story about the man who invented the flush toilet, Thomas Crapper. You know how everyone says they’re gonna visit the crapper? Well, it turns out that Thomas Crapper changed his name… _Too_ Crapper. His oringinal name was Thomas Shithouse. just fyi ---
**Author:** ![Damasu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c89c15/32.png) [@Damasu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damasu)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/25 "2003-01-15T06:27:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 5-HT \* > \*\*well this is kind of disturbing, but this is the technique I use to stop from laughing… > > I think of incredibly sad or upsetting things. I’ll imagine something bad happening to someone I care about and how I would feel about it. It’s not pleasant, but it’ll keep you from laughing. \*\* I dunno if I’d want to do that for every time I had that girl in my class during a whole semester. Might kinda get callous to your friends dying after a while, or something. =P ---
**Author:** ![NightRabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbce88/32.png) [@NightRabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NightRabbit)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/26 "2003-01-15T07:03:38Z")
_pops in_ **Damasu** , welcome to the boards! _pops out_ ---
**Author:** ![Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raymond_luxury_yacht/32/4099_2.png) [@Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raymond_Luxury_Yacht)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/27 "2003-01-15T07:30:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by White Lightning \* > \*\*Oh pish posh, come on all you sticks-in-the-mud, that’s worth a giggle, right? \*\* “Those who fail to see the whimsy in things will experience rigor mortis before death.” Tom Robbins ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/28 "2003-01-15T10:45:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JayElle \* > \*\*My mother absolutely _swears_ she once had a student named “Placenta”… \*\* Was the child hispanic? I talked to a paramedic (or maybe just EMS tech, not sure, worked on an ambulance though) who said he is resonsible for several children being named Placenta. See, in Dallas it’s not uncommon for some poorer hispanic women who are in labor to wait until they are about to have the baby, and then call 911 and have an ambulance come out. If they time it right they will end up having to deliver the baby at home, which saves them on hospital bills while still having a medically skilled person handy to help in case of any complications. The mothers would frequently ask for the name of the guy who helped deliver the baby, and then would use that name for the baby. Now, the poor guys in the ambulance naturally resent this money-saving technique - childbirth should ideally be done in a hospital with a doctor in attendance, and there’s always the chance that the guy delivering it may end up responsible for a dead or damaged baby and/or mother. So, he explained to me, he started telling them his name was ‘Placenta’ when they asked. ---
**Author:** ![pierre72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b2d939/32.png) [@pierre72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pierre72)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/29 "2003-01-15T12:37:02Z")
Despite being old enough to have a mortgage, children and a career, I still find that funny. But then, I still giggle at a friend of mine who works in Germany, and his address is room A-06. Which in German is pronounced “A Nol Sechs” As in Anal Sex. See, I’m even chuckling now. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/30 "2003-01-15T14:32:28Z")
I had a caller a while back whose first name was Pusey. Pronounced “pussy.” Which wouldn’t have been so bad if her last name wasn’t “Kuntz.” Kuntz was her married name. Personally I’d have made my husband change his name. ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/31 "2003-01-15T15:32:03Z")
One of the employees at my company bears the last name ‘Motefaker’. I don’t know her personally-I just deal with some headcount and payroll tasks here-so I don’t know for sure how it’s pronounced. And I don’t want to ask. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/32 "2003-01-15T20:05:34Z")
I saw a job application from a woman named “Lesbia”. And in college, there was a grad student named Mafoud (muh-food). We never tired of asking, “Where’s Mafoud?” ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/33 "2003-01-15T22:09:25Z")
Friend of mine had a TA named Ufuk once. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/34 "2003-01-15T22:13:20Z")
When I was in grade six, the principal of the school was named Mr. Swerdfeger. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2003, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/35 "2003-01-15T22:24:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Badtz Maru \* > \*\*Was the child hispanic? > > I talked to a paramedic (or maybe just EMS tech, not sure, worked on an ambulance though) who said he is resonsible for several children being named Placenta. See, in Dallas it’s not uncommon for some poorer hispanic women who are in labor to wait until they are about to have the baby, and then call 911 and have an ambulance come out. If they time it right they will end up having to deliver the baby at home, which saves them on hospital bills while still having a medically skilled person handy to help in case of any complications. The mothers would frequently ask for the name of the guy who helped deliver the baby, and then would use that name for the baby. > > Now, the poor guys in the ambulance naturally resent this money-saving technique - childbirth should ideally be done in a hospital with a doctor in attendance, and there’s always the chance that the guy delivering it may end up responsible for a dead or damaged baby and/or mother. So, he explained to me, he started telling them his name was ‘Placenta’ when they asked. \*\* Not to call you out, **Badtz** , but that sounds suspiciously like an [urban legend](http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/names.htm). Maybe your pal was pulling your leg? ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/36 "2003-01-16T00:57:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miller \* > \*\*McHedlishvili? What’s that, Scots-Indian? Some sort of bastard offspring from Apu and Groundskeeper Willy? \*\* It’s “Mchedlishvili,” sans intercap-H. And **cuauhtemoc** is right; she’s Georgian, as in Republic of Georgia. She actually turned into a pretty good friend of mine over the years. And as it turns out, I was also born in Georgia, but the one next to Florida, not Chechnya. We’ve been through all the jokes: “_Republic_ of Georgia? Did y’all secede again and I missed it?” ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2003, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/37 "2003-01-16T02:36:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Otto \* > \*\*I had a caller a while back whose first name was Pusey. Pronounced “pussy.” Which wouldn’t have been so bad if her last name wasn’t “Kuntz.” Kuntz was her married name. Personally I’d have made my husband change his name. \*\* When I work for the DoD, one of the guys on the payroll had the last name of Fuecker. When he got married, _he took his wife’s name._ His last name is now “Johnson” [sub]PS- The paperwork hassle that ensued was incredible. A woman working for the government may change her name, but God forbid a man does.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2003, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/38 "2003-01-16T02:50:33Z")
“Your name is Gaylord Fokker?” “Oh my, if he does marry Martha, her name will be…” * * * In 1915, Anthony Fokker invented an interrupter gear which timed machine guns to fire through the propeller arc without damaging the propeller. That’s one smart Fokker. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/39 "2003-01-16T03:05:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > \*\*I’ve seen the lastname “Glasscock” a few times. Must be rough. \*\* Was it hand blown or mouth blown glass? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AntaresJB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AntaresJB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AntaresJB)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2003, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396/40 "2003-01-16T03:08:02Z")
I had a series of GP physicians named Dr. Breaststicker and Dr. Midol. Both male. In the course of my job at the library I checked out a book to an Asian girl whose name was Yin Yang. My best friend’s last name is Toker. She constantly gets people going “That is not your real name.” It’s hell for her to try ordering a pizza. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-i-keep-a-straight-face-during-roll-call/148396.md?page=3)