# How will the Britney Spears story end? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 18, 2008, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060 "2008-02-18T03:35:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/1 "2008-02-18T03:35:27Z")
I refuse to call it a “saga” and will bite anyone who does. Anywhistle… How long do you think it will be before the current, ah, unpleasantness resolves itself, and what do you think will happen? Will she 1. Die of drug-related causes or while driving under the influence? 2. Die because of a paparazzi-caused auto wreck? 3. Go postal and commit some crime that results in serious jail time? 4. Lose all her money and begin a downward spiral beginning with a Penthouse spread, moving thence to full-on porn, then high-end prostitution, and ending in becoming a truck stop whore (leading ultimately to (1) of course)? 5. Be saved through psychotherapy? 6. Be redeemed by religion (and if so, which)? 7. Be revealed to be an android designed to keep us all distracted so that extraterrrestrial invaders can swoop in & conquer us? 8. Something else entirely? Show your work. ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/2 "2008-02-18T04:06:58Z")
4, without the truck stop employment. Dies in her late 50’s from cancer or some not-drug related illness. She strikes me as one of those sorts who just won’t die from drugs or the side effects of stupid(car wreck, etc) ---
**Author:** ![Two\_and\_a\_Half\_Inches\_of\_Fun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea666f/32.png) [@Two\_and\_a\_Half\_Inches\_of\_Fun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_and_a_Half_Inches_of_Fun)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/3 "2008-02-18T04:08:01Z")
1. First female Pope. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/4 "2008-02-18T04:09:54Z")
She’ll be in _Playboy_ before the decade is out. Bank on it. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/5 "2008-02-18T04:12:08Z")
[QUOTE=Two and a Half Inches of Fun] 8. First female Pope. [/QUOTE] [I think not.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Joan) ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/6 "2008-02-18T04:12:47Z")
[electronic gibberish] _“‘In fire.’”_ That, and probably a really mediocre TV movie or three. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/7 "2008-02-18T04:14:25Z")
She’ll start dating Kirk Cameron after his wife dies after a tragic and senseless beating at the hands of Tonya Harding. Kirk will show her the error of her ways and much like Tammy Faye, she will redeem herself and by 30 be almost as classy as Cher. Sorry. Seriously? I think she will be dead by 30. Which is quite sad. But quite possible. Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/8 "2008-02-18T04:14:29Z")
Naked suicide-by-cop. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/9 "2008-02-18T04:26:38Z")
She’ll just drift away. ---
**Author:** ![Millit\_the\_Frail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Millit\_the\_Frail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Millit_the_Frail)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/10 "2008-02-18T04:26:44Z")
1. It won’t end until she dies of natural causes at age 87. She’ll be around to “entertain” us with her repeated fuckups for many, many years to come. Sad, but most likely, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/11 "2008-02-18T05:14:52Z")
With any luck, she’ll be relegated to the “where they are now” columns and appearances on VH1’s “I Love the 2000s” and the occasional “Behind the Music” special, once she gets clean and sober for good. She may also hit the casino theater nostalgia circuit and other has-been types of things. But she needs to stay alive to be that kind of has-been. Otherwise, I predict her death by suicide or accidental OD sometime in the next decade or so. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/12 "2008-02-18T05:15:32Z")
Her drug-induced adventures will cease topping one-another and so she’ll stop getting headlines. Be too stupid to come up with the idea of appearing in Playboy or other magazines. In a decade or two, she’ll finally get clean and release some sort of bland folksy music CD that no one really cares about, find a husband, and start a real family. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/13 "2008-02-18T05:22:05Z")
[Here is the soundtrack for “The Britney Spears Story”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4FzxzNHZIc). ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/14 "2008-02-18T05:50:12Z")
1. With the destruction of Western civilization. ---
**Author:** ![ForumBot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/15 "2008-02-18T05:52:36Z")
[QUOTE=Czarcasm] [Here is the soundtrack for “The Britney Spears Story”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4FzxzNHZIc). [/QUOTE] …I think Chris Crocker is hot. Oh god, I am so many levels of confused right now. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/16 "2008-02-18T06:03:29Z")
[QUOTE=ForumBot] …I think Chris Crocker is hot. Oh god, I am so many levels of confused right now. [/QUOTE] Then my job here is done. ---
**Author:** ![shy\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/17 "2008-02-18T06:20:32Z")
There have been signs that Britney has been getting better; notably, the fact that her parents are now seriously involved in her treatment and Osama Lutfi has been forcibly removed from her life. At the beginning of the year, I said that Britney would probably be dead by the end of the year. After what’s happened in the past few weeks, however, I think it’s entirely possible that she’ll make a recovery. I don’t know why people are acting like she’s ten minutes away from posing in Penthouse, either. Her last album has already produced two popular singles and has done a lot better on the charts than you’d think it would have considering that it isn’t nearly as good as her previous efforts, she refused to do _any_ publicity for it, and its production was seriously impaired by the fact that her life was an absolute mess at the time. A healthy Britney could easily make a very successful “comeback.” ---
**Author:** ![Randy\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee7513/32.png) [@Randy\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randy_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/18 "2008-02-18T06:30:48Z")
6, and then 5 and 4 simultaneously: Scientology. ---
**Author:** ![brickbacon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@brickbacon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brickbacon)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/19 "2008-02-18T08:07:56Z")
She will probably become religious and/or fade unto relative obscurity. She will not be dead any time soon. She has never been a hard drug user, AFAIK, and she has enough money to never have to worry about many things. ---
**Author:** ![Windwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/5e9695/32.png) [@Windwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Windwalker)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2008, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060/20 "2008-02-18T08:23:12Z")
From what little I know, I predict that Britney will clean up her act in a process lasting 3-4 years, at which point she will start a comeback tour… as a ballerina, her secret lifelong dream. Unfortunately, not having the body for ballet, Britney will be mocked and panned by the ballet community, but because of her notoriety, she will become the hottest selling ballet ticket in history, with a ballet she wrote herself, entitled “Fallen Mouseketeers: Salvaging the Skanks”. She will be interviewed by Larry King 29 times. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-the-britney-spears-story-end/438060.md?page=2)