# How will this meeting with lawyer go? (wills and car titles) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 29, 2025, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468 "2025-07-29T14:54:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/21 "2025-07-29T20:36:50Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Or sell it or refi? Now your spouse can block that I’d much prefer we don’t add that constraint. I hope TOD is possible for this instead. > [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > that is because he died intestate This is an important point! It might be good to hear out what my spouse has to say about her sister’s experiences as a starting point. One of her biggest goals is to avoid that. I think a good way to go through the conversation is, first, establish nobody is dying intestate, and only then, what else do we need to do. Maybe add TOD to deed, maybe not even that. BTW, unfortunately, Maryland seems to be one of the states that do not have a provision for TOD on deeds, though there seem to be ways of accomplishing the same thing, and also references that seem to say we do have such a provision. > [@filmore](#): > > There’s a similar way to transfer financial assets upon death. It’s done by specifying beneficiaries on the financial accounts. Actually, we already knew about this, and all our important bank accounts have this feature in place. What’s news to me in this thread is that things like car titles and maybe house deeds can have it too. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2025, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/22 "2025-07-30T01:27:39Z")
The term of art for TOD on real estate is “beneficiary deed”. I’ll reinforce something @ricepad & @troutman said. The ONLY way to ensure you endow anyone other than your wife if you die first is to ensure she _never_ gains ownership or control (two different legal concepts) over the assets you intend to endow elsewhere. Absent a trust, there is no way for you to ensure she has use of your assets during her life, but they still go where you want after you’re both gone. I agree w @ricepad that you need a meeting or three with a _different_ attorney only for you, then a bunch of time spent w wife to lay all her and your goals and problem points in the open, _then_ go see some other attorney together. My late wife would’ve been the attorney you or you both might meet with. She’d be screaming now that you are about to utterly fuck yourself by going into a joint meeting utterly unprepared. You will never be able to walk your wife’s expectations back from where they’re about to be staked into the ground. GO BACK! IT’S A TRAP!! Not that your wife is evil. But her goals are incompatible with yours, and her mindsets are not well suited to these problems. ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2025, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/23 "2025-07-30T15:47:10Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > Now my spouse wants her name on things like the deed to the house (which I owned long before we met) and the title to my car. How long have you been married? Have you actually discussed money and your attitudes and approaches to it? I’m sensing some… maybe not red, but at least amber flags about this situation. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2025, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/24 "2025-07-30T17:33:43Z")
> [@xtenkfarpl](#): > > How long have you been married? About 40 years. > [@xtenkfarpl](#): > > I’m sensing some… maybe not red, but at least amber flags Definitely some red. We don’t discuss money well. She has a bad temper and I avoid confrontation. I look for other ways to make things work – the TOD feature I just added to my car title above is a perfect example. > [@ricepad](#): > > It sounds like before you go with your wife to a wills/trust/estate attorney, you should probably visit an attorney on your own, too. I did want to acknowledge this excellent suggestion. I sure wish I had thought of this. I would have done it this way. As it is, our joint appointment is less than 24 hours away, and I’ve been leaning on her a bit to get her part of things prepared (based on a preliminary outline the law office provided). At this point I think trying to reschedule everything would be its own blowup. In truth, this is why I’ve put off making a will for so long. What I am going to have to do is be on the lookout during this meeting, and push on any of the problematic issues. > [@ricepad](#): > > may not be the kind of thing you want to discuss with an attorney with your wife in the same room Yeah, 1000% this. If I’d thought of it, or heard your suggestion, a couple months ago, I would have done it this way. Now I think I just have to go through any cringeworthy moments as necessary. I hope the attorney is good enough to notice what’s in the air and help make the process more comfortable and work better; estate planning is their specialty and they have good reviews. ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2025, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/25 "2025-07-30T17:45:00Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > Definitely some red. We don’t discuss money well. She has a bad temper and I avoid confrontation. Yikes. There’s a lot more to this iceberg than we were led to believe. If I were in your position, I might consider seeking the counsel of yet another specialist in another area of the law: Family law. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2025, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/26 "2025-07-30T19:47:03Z")
> [@ricepad](#): > > more to this iceberg than we were led to believe So noted and appreciated. Sorry, I didn’t intend to mislead. Just doing my usual thing of trying to navigate as peacefully as possible. About seeking Family Law counsel, well, the things I’m trying to manage for tomorrow aren’t the reasons we’re together. We take care of each other and at this point have been together for more than half our lives. Hers is the only hand I hold. And she and her relatives are the only family I have. I don’t want to go blowing anything up, I just want to manage this step (for which this thread has been very helpful) and perhaps resolve and improve things a bit here and there. ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2025, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/27 "2025-07-31T14:06:12Z")
> [@ricepad](#): > > There’s a lot more to this iceberg than we were led to believe. Indeed. On a more careful reading through the thread, there are major red warning lights flashing. She wants to leave everything to her children and grandchildren, not you: yet she ALSO wants title to your house? Just say no. If it’s not too late: postpone that lawyer meeting, even at the cost of an argument. I will add my voice to ricepad & LSLGuy: consult your own lawyer to protect your interests before taking any further steps. ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2025, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/28 "2025-08-03T15:17:15Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > Just doing my usual thing of trying to navigate as peacefully as possible. If you don’t mind sharing: did you have the meeting? If so, how did it go? ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/29 "2025-08-04T13:31:42Z")
> [@xtenkfarpl](#): > > If you don’t mind sharing I came down with Covid and we had to postpone the meeting by about 5 weeks. I need to recover, gain a clear head, and then think through what opportunities this delay gives me. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/30 "2025-08-04T13:56:30Z")
Shame about the infection, but from a dollars and sense (sic) perspective, you hit a home run. Good to hear. Best of luck with this challenging situation. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/31 "2025-08-04T14:50:04Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > GO BACK! IT’S A TRAP!! > > Not that your wife is evil. But her goals are incompatible with yours, and her mindsets are not well suited to these problems This. Talk to your own lawyer. And you might also consider couples counseling, to help get you on the same page. My husband and i found it very helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/32 "2025-08-04T15:03:50Z")
My wife inquired about getting on the deed when we married. I looked into it and we both decided it was too big a pain in the ass to change. She is my beneficiary and will get it if I die anyway. It may be different depending on the state but we found it wasn’t worth it. We are currently looking for a new place and will both be on the paperwork. ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/33 "2025-08-04T15:29:50Z")
Sounds as if you dodged a bullet there. For what it’s worth, my wife & I have very straightforward wills, each leaving everything to the other as primary beneficiaries and to the children as ultimate beneficiaries on death of last spouse. As far as I know this is very standard for married couples with children and no other heirs. Any reason something like that wouldn’t work for you? ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/34 "2025-08-04T15:49:29Z")
FWIW, I updated my will when I got married a few years ago. I had a similar situation where I had more assets than she, including a house. My lawyer strongly advised me not to put her name on my house deed or bank accounts, but rather let the trust and will handle it after my death. She said having my wife’s name on the assets could complicate things, especially if one of her unstable relatives contested the will. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/35 "2025-08-04T16:01:10Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > But I don’t want to wake up as a widower and discover that her kids are now half owners of my house, and I have to get their permission to stay here, or buy them out, or some such. I really don’t know about this one. However, we’ve already discussed this between us and agree we don’t want that outcome and will discuss with the lawyer. For the point how house ownership transfers upon death between joint owners, it’s is generally determined by whether the deed is “joint tenancy” or “tenants in common”. The most common deed for married people is is joint tenancy. When one owner dies, the other owner becomes the sole owner. A simple way to think about it is that the deceased person is basically crossed off the list of deed owners in a joint tenancy deed. A tenants in common deed would be more used the case when business partners jointly own property. They retain ownership of their share independently and can sell it or bequeath it to someone upon their death. As long as you and her are on the deed as joint tenants, then you would retain full ownership upon her death (and vice versa). ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/36 "2025-08-04T16:04:54Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > The most common deed for married people is is joint tenancy. Right, sometimes explicitly spelled out as ‘joint tenancy with right of survivorship’. Exact details may differ in different jurisdictions, check with a lawyer for clarity. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/37 "2025-08-04T16:12:00Z")
> [@xtenkfarpl](#): > > Any reason something like that wouldn’t work for you? I want to do something more with my savings than just enriching the kids and grandkids. I want them each to get a nice inheritance, yes, but I also value what charities do and think more should go that direction. I think giving the whole thing to kids and grandkids is too much. ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/38 "2025-08-04T16:35:40Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > I also value what charities do and think more should go that direction. Quite reasonable. I can see how that might cause at least, um, _discussion_ with your wife though. Definitely think it through and consult your own lawyer before taking any irrevocable steps, then. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/39 "2025-08-04T17:05:54Z")
Also, depending on what state you live in, the state might decide your wife owns half your stuff regardless of whose name it’s in. You probably want to come to an agreement on the dispossession of both your assets, which ideally will be the same no matter which one of you dies first. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2025, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468/40 "2025-08-04T17:38:10Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > The most common deed for married people is is joint tenancy. > > > [@xtenkfarpl](#): > > > > Right, sometimes explicitly spelled out as ‘joint tenancy with right of survivorship’. It some states, there’s also an option for “tenancy by the entirety” which has different advantages and disadvantages than joint tenancy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-will-this-meeting-with-lawyer-go-wills-and-car-titles/1021468.md?page=3)