# How would such a person use a toilet? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 24, 2013, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-such-a-person-use-a-toilet/659198 "2013-05-24T04:41:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-such-a-person-use-a-toilet/659198/21 "2013-05-24T19:30:59Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > Good god why did I read this thread. I was up all night thinking about the mechanics of how such a person would pull up their pants. I kept thinking that maybe they have wires connected to their pants that travel up under their shirt. And when they need to pull them up, they grab said wires with their teeth. But the only way for the wires to reach their mouth after their pants are down would be if they were really long. And if they’re that long, there’s no way their head could tilt back enough to lift the pants up. So I’m back to square one. My brain is boggled. My only other guess is that they had a little helper monkey hidden somewhere on their body. Isn’t your username a brand of terlet paper? ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-such-a-person-use-a-toilet/659198/22 "2013-05-25T03:33:06Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > … My only other guess is that they had a little helper monkey hidden somewhere on their body. Aha! It’s a job for the Monkey Butler! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-such-a-person-use-a-toilet/659198/23 "2013-05-25T03:40:18Z")
Surely I’m not the only one wondering how he masturbates? ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-such-a-person-use-a-toilet/659198/24 "2013-05-25T03:59:42Z")
> [@74westy](#): > > Surely I’m not the only one wondering how he masturbates? Actually, I was just going to post about that, but you ninja’d me! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-such-a-person-use-a-toilet/659198/25 "2013-05-25T04:11:31Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > Okay, I guess it’s plausible that after years of practice he could take care of the matter himself. > > I do still wonder how most regular people would handle such a request from a stranger. I started thinking about this today because of an unrelated example I saw this evening of someone depending on the kindness of strangers.\*\* I was leaving a restaurant with a bag of leftovers, and a scruffy-looking man with a little girl on his shoulders started to ask me something; I turned away and he said, “Thank you and have a good evening.”\*\* > > So I’m at least as interested in how a reasonable person would respond to the toilet help request as I am in how an armless man goes to the toilet. Would they ignore/refuse with a clear conscience? Would they ignore/refuse and be eaten alive by guilt for the rest of their lives? Would they give in but feel weird? Would they happily say yes and feel good about having helped a fellow human being? Wait. What? Someone started to ask you something and you just turned away? ☹ A “scruffy” guy with a little girl on his shoulders? Quite a few folks I know could fit that description. Even if your answer was going to be “no,” couldn’t you at least give him the courtesy of acknowledging him? Am I missing something here? ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-such-a-person-use-a-toilet/659198/26 "2013-05-25T05:04:26Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > Wait. What? Someone started to ask you something and you just turned away? ☹ A “scruffy” guy with a little girl on his shoulders? Quite a few folks I know could fit that description. Even if your answer was going to be “no,” couldn’t you at least give him the courtesy of acknowledging him? Am I missing something here? I refuse to believe that I owe every panhandler any response at all. There only happened to be one this time, but what if I’d been walking down a busy city block? If I were obligated to respond to everyone who wanted my attention, I’d be spending all my time answering strangers. That’s not how I want to use my time and energy. I just asked my partner about this - he’d been there with me at dinner. Not only did he not respond to the panhandler either, but he doesn’t even remember the man I’m talking about. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-such-a-person-use-a-toilet/659198/27 "2013-05-25T05:09:10Z")
> [@74westy](#): > > Surely I’m not the only one wondering how he masturbates? After reading a thread where multiple guys said that when they were really young they humped their mattresses before realizing how it should be done, I don’t really wonder about things like that anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-such-a-person-use-a-toilet/659198/28 "2013-05-25T05:17:16Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Back in the Stone Age when I waitressed, a group of people came in, and one of them was a man with no arms. Everyone totally freaked out when he took his shoes off and ate with his feet, but my reaction was, **“What was he supposed to do, shove his face into the plate?”** Well, that would be another possible way to eat. I am remembering a letter that Dear Abby (the elder) published some years ago: The writer had been to a restaurant and witnessed that. Another party came in, and one of them was seriously handicapped in some way. He ate just that way. The writer found that mortifying, revulsive, and disgusting; and suggested that people like that should respect the sensibilities of the restaurant-going public, and stay home to eat. Guess how Dear Abby responded to that! (Hint: She didn’t mince her words.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-such-a-person-use-a-toilet/659198.md?page=1)