All penises should be the exact same size. This will eliminate a great deal of anxiety.
Oh yeah, breasts too.
And eyes that stay 20-20.
And heads that don’t go bald.
And skin that doesn’t wrinkle.
And hearing that doesn’t fade.
Can you tell I’m getting old?
In general, increased neoteny. Specifically, stick with vellous hair throughout the body and get rid of all the terminal hair. Among other things, this means no more pimples and no more need to shave anywhere. It’s not as though the body hair humans have serves a meaningful insulation function. If it did, we’d have it as children. As it stands, it really just serves as a signal for pubescence, and it’s not really needed.
Another advantage of increased neoteny is further improvement in brain plasticity, meaning we would have an easier time learning new skills and wouldn’t tend to become as set in our ways. It’d mean sacrificing speed and raw processing power, but the increased versitility seems worth it in my view.
Beyond that, get rid of the programmed kill switch in our cell divission that causes ageing. Yeah, yeah, cancer, etc. but the thing is, we’ll have an easier time fighting off cancer if the rest of our bodies aren’t self-destructing even as the cancer cells are multiplying out of control.
And can we turn off addiction, while we’re at it?
Get rid of finger- and toenails. I bite my fingernails so I barely have them anyhow and I run a lot so toenails are just annoyances that snag socks and have a tendency to get bashed, change colors and come off.
Nictitating membrane for the eyes.
Skin not subject to UV damage (so no burning, no need for sunscreen).
Much tougher joints. Knee and shoulder pain sucks.
Regrowing teeth as others have said.
Well, according to Opus from Bloom County, it keeps your butt on!
Long before the Benjamin Button film came out, I thought it would be great if people were somehow born very old, and aged younger - so by the time you were in your physical prime, you would really know what the hell you had and how to use it!
And think how nice it would be to die as an infant, after living a full life, and be cuddled and cooed over until you fell asleep one day…
More redundancy, in general. Backup arteries, veins, organs; specially critical ones like the liver and pancreas. Keep 'em both running, or keep one on hot standby.
I’ve often thought more arms would be very, very useful; I’d go with four. Perhaps the other two could be attached at the hips. Also, more eyes to allow binocular 360-degree vision.
Automatic shutdown systems to avoid damage (like, for example, hearing damage) would be most useful too.
Whose stupid idea was it to lose the tail ? Gosh durned idiot. I want my tail back ! I need something that can scratch that bit of the back that arms can’t reach, help with balance & climbing, have a cornucopia of sexual applications, and allows me to pick up the remote without having to stand up from the couch.
I’d remove hair completely. Yep.
I was thinking something like a two-part pelvis, connected by elastic tissue. Sort of like a snake’s jaw. The question is, how do you accommodate both a huge head and bipedal locomotion? There’s your answer.
And for the gents (that’s me!), internal gonads and a consciously-controllable valve between them and the “outside” would be pretty sweet too.
Or instead of elastic tissue, hinge joints in the hips that stay locked until the birthing process begins. After all, she doesn’t want her hips to unexpectedly flex during her normal affairs.
More durable teeth, or being able to regrow them as needed. Also, would somebody wire that damn eye up the correct way round? Get rid of that blind spot, also, our vision would probably improve if the light didn’t have to pass through the wiring first before it actually got to the light sensors…
I couldn’t care one way or the other about toenails, but I’d want a single toe. No good reason that the toes are divided into five on a foot, when the only purpose for them is to keep us from falling on our faces as we walk. It should just be one single unit without gaps. As an added bonus, it would eliminate those annoying things called flip flops.
I want a 2nd set of arms, maybe like a T-Rex has, under the main set. This would improve things at cocktail parties- I could still hold my glass of wine, and my plate of appys, and still eat and shake hands with people.
Joints that were a little more resilient would be nice, and spinal discs that weren’t so susceptible to herniation.
Male ejaculate would be one long connected string so you could just grab the end and pull it out of the woman to avoid unwanted pregnancies.
I think it would be really useful to be able to spin my head around 180 degrees, just to keep an eye on what’s going on behind me. It would have probably changed the course of human evolution somewhat, what with saber toothed tigers sneaking up no our ancestors, and what not.
Two hearts, for self-preservation.
And an ability to regenerate into a completely new body when near death &/or after suffering severe trauma. (Not that out of the question; read up on Lepidoptera metamorphosis.) This not only gives you shiny new teeth, it lets you change your appearance–be taller, shorter, another sex, what have you.
We might have to limit total regenerations somehow, but I suppose the system will break down spontaneously by the tenth or twelfth time.
How about the ability to “close” your ears to lock sounds the way we can close our eyes to block vision. Or at least sort sort of voluntary volume control so we can not be disturbed by loud or annoying noises.
Actually, the water in a full bladder will be reabsorbed if you start to dehydrate. At least, that’s what I’ve heard, and I think I’ve experienced. If not, then seconded.
The change I would make would be to the skin. The entire surface of the skin should tan when exposed to sunlight, not just the parts that were exposed.
Congratulations!
You won’t deteriorate until about the last week of your life.
I say put a hermetically-sealed box in the abdomen. Useful for keeping stuff dry and secure, and no need to carry a billfold or purse around.
So I could be vulnerable to melanomas all over? No thanks.