# How would you commit the perfect murder? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 11, 2011, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590 "2011-11-11T12:57:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![spunkymuzicnote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@spunkymuzicnote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spunkymuzicnote)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/1 "2011-11-11T12:57:40Z")
Maybe I’ve been watching too much crime on TV, but it seems like with all of the technology out there, even the slightest hair left on the victim can lead to the conviction of the murderer. It could be just because they have to fit the whole thing into 40 minutes, but it’s still pretty impressive work. So what would you do? How would you throw the police off the trail so they never suspected it was you? ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/2 "2011-11-11T13:06:25Z")
Well, it seems to me that what you are asking is difficult, but not impossible. What you basically have to do is, to have NO connection between you and the victim. Which means that you have to hire somebody else to do the deed. Then, you off the actual killer. This is commonly done in the mafia-as it insulates you from any suspicion. What usally happens is that the “hit man” gets whacked while coming for his payment-and the body is usually disposed of by burning (a coal fired boiler does nicely), or in the trunk of a junked automobile (which is crushed and sent to a steel mill). Or, simply punctured a bit, then weighded down with chains, and sunk on a river, lake or ocean. Now, yo have gotten rid of your enemy-and the police have no clues…they may sspect you, but there is no hard evidence against you at all. Perfect crime, QED. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/3 "2011-11-11T13:24:58Z")
Your average criminal isn’t too bright, and will make ten or twenty mistakes when carrying out a crime. (And thank goodness for that.) Carrying out a “perfect” murder – where absolutely no evidence can be traced back to the perpetrator - requires an incredible amount of research, planning, and intelligence. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/4 "2011-11-11T13:28:52Z")
The Perfect Crime is probably an impossibility, but I don’t think it’s that difficult to do a crime like this without being caught (no, I’m not speaking from experience). People imagine police forensics to be essentially magic thanks to shows like CSI, but in reality lots of times there’s nothing conclusive, or maybe they find DNA but it’s not on file and all the people they test return negative. From what I’ve seen of murder cases in the UK, they are more often found by: [ol] [li]The perpetrator stays at the scene of the crime[/li][li]The perpetrator is witnessed committing the crime[/li][li]The perpetrator tells someone what (s)he’s done[/li][/ol] I suspect that if you could actually implement one of the elaborate murders like on shows like Columbo or Jonathan Creek you probably wouldn’t get caught… ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/5 "2011-11-11T13:35:13Z")
My first step would be not announcing my perfect plan to the interwebs! ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/6 "2011-11-11T13:41:28Z")
I believe the best way is to locate a natural fatal-accident-waiting-to-happen. Say, perhaps, a damaged mountain road ledge, with a fault ready to fail. Then, simply suggest that the person you wish to off take a little [spin around](http://cache.jalopnik.com/assets/images/12/2010/11/road_2.jpg) to see the great view. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/7 "2011-11-11T13:48:00Z")
> [@Tibbytoes](#): > > I believe the best way is to locate a natural fatal-accident-waiting-to-happen. Say, perhaps, a damaged mountain road ledge, with a fault ready to fail. Then, simply suggest that the person you wish to off take a little [spin around](http://cache.jalopnik.com/assets/images/12/2010/11/road_2.jpg) to see the great view. The crime author [PD James](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P._D._James) was once asked how to commit the perfect murder and she suggested you take the victim for a long coastal walk somewhere remote and precarious and then just push them off a cliff. Provided you haven’t been bad mouthing the victim beforehand there will be nothing to suggest anything other than an accident. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/8 "2011-11-11T13:48:20Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > The Perfect Crime is probably an impossibility No it’s not. But I’ve said too much already. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/9 "2011-11-11T13:49:43Z")
I always thought shows like 48HRS on A&E could be used by criminals as a how-to guide to for getting away with murder. ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/10 "2011-11-11T13:50:02Z")
I’d try to meet a guy on a train and _swap murders_. ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/11 "2011-11-11T14:01:21Z")
I think Sting mentioned this… "Its as easy to learn as your abc’s… ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/12 "2011-11-11T14:18:45Z")
One of the problems is that if you have no connection between yourself and the victim, you have no motive to commit the murder. If you are a sadistic serial murderer, you need to repeat the murder and eventually will get careless and make a mistake and get caught. The Perfect Murder would never get detected as a murder - it is easier to get away with it if it gets classified as a heart attack instead of smothering with a pillow. Hence the “undetectable poisons” beloved of the English drawing room murders of Agatha Christie and others. That having been said, suppose I wanted to kill someone just because I wanted to commit the perfect crime, like Leopold and Loeb supposedly did. [ul][li]Go to Wisconsin and buy a handgun. My family lives there, so it is normal for me to go there and [stay for 48 hours](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_laws_in_the_United_States_%28by_state%29#Buying_and_selling)[/li][li]Wait a year.[/li][li]Drive to New York City. [/li][li]Dress in non-descript clothing. Jeans, dark hoodie with no logo, plain sneakers.[/li][li]Ride the subway after midnight until I spot one or two young, black males who at least appear to be gangstas. Whether they really are or not, I don’t care. [/li][li]Make sure the subway car is relatively empty.[/li][li]Just before a stop, shoot them in the head. [/li][li]Get off the car, _walk_ six or eight blocks over, hail a taxi and go back to my hotel. [/li][li]The next morning, drive home.[/li][li]Wash all my clothes and throw them in the trash. If there are any bloodstains, splash bleach on them. [/li][li]Never mention it again, to anyone, at any time, for any reason.[/ul]Rather pointless, but the murderer is usually the most obvious person. If I killed someone I didn’t like (if there were such a person), or someone from whom I had something to gain, I would come under suspicion and that is the one thing to avoid. I want my name never even to occur to anyone.[/li] Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/13 "2011-11-11T14:23:39Z")
I’ll go with the George Carlin Method > [@](#): > > You pick one guy up by his ankles…and you kill another guy with him. And they both die and there’s no murder weapon. “What happened here, Sarge?” “I don’t know. It looks like a pedestrian accident to me. They must have been moving at quite a clip.” ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/14 "2011-11-11T14:32:22Z")
ETA: beaten by \*\*Shodan \*\*just above. We should ask our own **Stranger on a Train**. Perhaps he has an idea. 😉 The critical problem is not so much in executing the perfect murder. It’s in selecting the perfect victim. IOW, most folks who want to kill somebody want to kill somebody obvious like a spouse, relative, co-worker, or boss. So when that person shows up murdered, the cops have a pretty good idea of which people to go talk to. It’s a lot harder to play the innocent than you think it is. Sure, all investigators aren’t Columbo. But you’re not a B-list actor reading a script either. Maintaining the right emotional tone when discussing the senseless death of your spouse / boss / etc. and what you were doing at the time is harder than most folks give it credit for. Even the “accidental” fall off the cliff is problematic. Yes, you were there. No you didn’t see it; you turned around at the sound of a scream & she was gone. People react differently to grief & being near a violent death. Investigators know that. But even allowing for that, can you act consistently enough so that every time you tell the story to the cops, you give no hint of your glee at the big life insurance check & finally being free to run off with your GF of the last 5 years? Sure some sociopaths / psychopaths can do it. Can you? Having said all that, I think the plausible accident is surely a better way to start than the obvious bullet-to-the-head murder. Although for big city dwellers, an event which looks like random street crime would also be a good cover for what’s really a hit. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/15 "2011-11-11T14:32:22Z")
Go to the police station dressed as a homeless person wearing a filthy overcoat and carrying a briefcase. Claim you were robbed. While waiting for the police to take your statement, release the millions of cockroaches you have concealed in your overcoat’s inner pockets and briefcase. Sneak out in the confusion. Come back later as an enterminater with fake ID, wearing a hazard suit complete with face mask and carrying several bottles of supposed incesticide, but which contains a poison that takes about an hour to kill people. Spray and leave. ---
**Author:** ![G-SE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f0a364/32.png) [@G-SE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G-SE)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/16 "2011-11-11T15:13:04Z")
I love watching forensic shows - some of the links they can make are truly astonishing if and when it comes together. I think one way for a perfect murder would be a driveby shooting of a random stranger on a desolate road with hollow point bullets. As long as it is not witnessed and done properly, there would be very little physical evidence left on the scene. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/17 "2011-11-11T16:31:56Z")
My wife **tygre** took a Serial Murder class as part of her criminal justice degree, and got an A+. Now she wants to teach one here and her professors might think about that. So I guess she knows her stuff on this. In her Serial Murder class she and her class brainstormed on exactly this topic, and the professor–a nationally-known expert in serial murder detection–joined in. Some of the things they came up with were: 1. Pick up a victim in one jurisdiction, kill in a second, dump the body in a third. Bonus points for crossing state lines or dumping the body in a place like an Indian reservation where there might be further jurisdictional issues. 2. Pre-plan your alibi. Have a solid reason to be in the place you pick up or dump the victim, so if anybody accuses you of being there, it can be explained. 3. Try to hide the body somewhere that will mess up forensic techniques before it’s found. Underwater is great–but a cold basement or a refrigerated unit is even better because it messes up estimated time of death. 4. Pick victims you have no connection with. Serial murderers don’t always attack prostitutes because they hate women, but because they know the victim won’t be connected to them. 5. Burn all your clothing after a murder. If you use a weapon, throw the weapon somewhere where it really won’t be found. Forget a lake, throw it in a fast-food restaurant dumpster. It’ll be in a landfill the next day and buried deep down in it before the victim is found. ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/18 "2011-11-11T16:46:57Z")
I think some sort of houshold accident would be the best thing for killing someone you live with. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/19 "2011-11-11T16:49:20Z")
Is the object to kill someone you know or a total stranger? The total stranger is the easiest. Drive to another city, kill a homeless person, drive back home. It’ll be a while before the body is discovered, if ever, and if it is, there won’t be a heckuva lot of effort behind the investigation. If it’s someone you know, it’ll be harder. You’ll need at least four friends that you trust with your life, because they’ll alibi you as being in the poker game that was going on when the murder occurred. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590/20 "2011-11-11T17:05:18Z")
Convince the victim to take up smoking. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-commit-the-perfect-murder/602590.md?page=2)