# How would you convince someone to join the Borg?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [August 21, 2009, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182 "2009-08-21T08:43:23Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/1 "2009-08-21T08:43:23Z")
Why the resistance?
Here we have a species centered around peace, love, collective happiness and selfless dedication to the pursuit of knowledge, a species whose sole mission is the betterment of life through science and (re)education.
Yet they seem to encounter resistance (however futile) at every sector by every species they come across, species so hindered by ignorant, shortsighted traditions like freedom and individual will that they refuse to imagine the distant utopia promised by a Borg ascension. Envision a perfect Collective, undistracted by the mundane, trivial desires and resultant bickering that lesser species so often fall prey to, a Collective ever maturing, ever improving, ever striving to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life forms and new civilizations… it is a noble, beautiful goal, is it not? A goal, perhaps, that even aligns with the lofty dreams of more primitive cultures, the Federation included.
So why the resistance? What better way is there to learn, to understand, to evolve?
Granted, there are on occasion minor costs associated with assimilation: Collateral damage here and there, small losses of colonies and species, the reduction of ways of life into memories… but are these not mere growing pains on the path to something much greater?
**Why doesn’t anyone ever _willingly_ join the Borg, and how would you attempt to diplomatically convince them before resorting to… less efficient methods?**
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### Author:  [@Hellestal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hellestal)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/2 "2009-08-21T08:55:34Z")
Join the Borg: You will never have to listen to another stupid, gibbering cretin ever again. That is, unless you’re making him whimper as he pisses himself in fear in front of you.
Also, excellent medical plan.
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### Author:  [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/3 "2009-08-21T13:11:36Z")
Admit it, you are envious of our cool cybernetic implants and want some for yourself. Join us, and have some! Have lots! We are willing to share.
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### Author:  [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/4 "2009-08-21T13:22:23Z")
These days I think all you’d need is “We’re hiring.”
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### Author:  [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/5 "2009-08-21T18:05:19Z")
Join the Borg: Hot Blond Titties
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/6 "2009-08-21T18:14:30Z")
You’d think just injecting them with the nanites would be enough.
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### Author:  [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/7 "2009-08-21T18:14:39Z")
Sorry, but it ain’t happening. Oakie ain’t _good life_.
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### Author:  [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/8 "2009-08-21T18:19:12Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#):
>
> You’d think just injecting them with the nanites would be enough.
Yeah, their HR budget has been cut back pretty bad in recent millennia. They prefer to just take the direct approach.
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### Author:  [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/9 "2009-08-21T18:23:03Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#):
>
> You’d think just injecting them with the nanites would be enough.
Yeah, I was thinking, “just jab those tubes in their neck…”
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### Author:  [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/10 "2009-08-21T19:00:50Z")
Simple.
Gather a few members of the sentient species – peaceably if possible. Determine from them (by assimilation, naturally) the arguments most likely to sway their culture/species. Send them forth as diplomats.
I’d recommend less visible external cybernetics (hoses are SO unfashionable) and more apparent personality or charisma. A pasty guy with hoses coming out of his neck monotoning that this culture is the shiznit is somehow unconvincing.
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### Author:  [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/11 "2009-08-21T19:12:25Z")
> [@Reply](#):
>
> **Why doesn’t anyone ever _willingly_ join the Borg, and how would you attempt to diplomatically convince them before resorting to… less efficient methods?**
They could do with some corporate PR lessons from the Federation certainly;
> [@](#):
>
> Starships chase us through the Badlands and our supporters are harassed and ridiculed. Why? Because we’ve left the Federation, and that’s the one thing you can’t accept. Nobody leaves paradise. Everyone should want to be in the Federation. Hell, you even want the Cardassians to join. You’re only sending them replicators because one day they can take their “rightful place” on the Federation Council. You know In some ways you’re even worse than the Borg. At least they tell you about their plans for assimilation. You’re more insidious. You assimilate people and they don’t even know it.
A half remembered quote from DS9.
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### Author:  [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/12 "2009-08-21T19:29:44Z")
Better still, from the DS9 Season 4 episode “The Way of the Warrior”:
_Garak takes a drink of root beer_
Quark: What do you think?
Elim Garak: It’s vile.
Quark: I know. It’s so bubbly and cloying and happy.
Elim Garak: Just like the Federation.
Quark: And you know what’s really frightening? If you drink enough of it… you begin to like it.
Elim Garak: It’s insidious.
Quark: Just like the Federation!
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### Author:  [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/13 "2009-08-21T19:41:48Z")
_Tired of your personal problems?
**Join the Borg!**
We guarantee that you’ll never have a personal problem again._
I can envision an entire campaign, based on slight lies and the withholding of key information\* to convince people that being Borg is much better than their current lives.
\*In other words, not at all different from any other ad campaign.
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### Author:  [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/14 "2009-08-21T19:44:55Z")
_Tired of tossing and turning at night?_ (scenes of someone tossing and turning in bed)
**Join the Borg!** (scene of Borg quietly standing in their regeneration chambers.
_Say goodbye to nightmares, insomnia, lack of sleep and back problems!_
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### Author:  [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/15 "2009-08-21T19:47:09Z")
“Imagine - every time you play Halo, you get better. And now, imagine that your entire life you are hooked up directly to an even larger, more user-friendly Live network!”
So didn’t the Borg ever figure out a way to get their nanites airborne? Or shoot tiny little hypodermics at people?
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### Author:  [@Viridiana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viridiana)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/16 "2009-08-21T22:48:58Z")
[http://www.angryflower.com/borg27.gif](http://www.angryflower.com/borg27.gif)
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### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/17 "2009-08-21T22:58:21Z")
Well, the solid metal chestplates on the LadyBorg must go.
And be replaced with sliding, retractable chest plates.
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/18 "2009-08-21T23:37:13Z")
Have you seen their corporate bathroom?
Everyone gets a key !
Its like nirvanna in there dude!
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### Author:  [@Baal\_Houtham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baal_Houtham)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/19 "2009-08-21T23:57:00Z")
Don’t be a dummy! Be a smarty!
Come and be 16 of 40!
(Not great at rhyming the Borg.)
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### Author:  [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)
#### Post date: [August 22, 2009, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-convince-someone-to-join-the-borg/507182/20 "2009-08-22T00:07:41Z")
By blasting their warp core. so they can’t run and pulling their ship into the cube with a tractor beam.
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