# How would you deal with a close relative in penury? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 2, 2008, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268 "2008-12-02T00:15:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268/21 "2008-12-02T17:43:10Z")
We have, but it depends on the circumstances. I don’t give my baby sister (recovering alcoholic, rampant consumer) money - she seems to be straightening herself out, but she needs to do that. Her hole is so deep that I couldn’t fill it if I wanted to - at least, not without digging myself my own “kids college, retirement” hole. I do give my other sister money because the baby is living with her, and a lot of money has been put into her medical care and upkeep. We helped my brother in law out of a bad marriage, but he’s done - if he ends up stuck with the girl he is dating now, he knows better than to expect us to lift a finger to help. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268/22 "2008-12-02T18:28:19Z")
Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses? ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268/23 "2008-12-02T18:50:12Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses? The way I see it is that destitute people are going to be taken care of from my tax dollars anyway - whether it be prison or unemployment or food stamps - so I might as well funnel my money towards people I know and like. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268/24 "2008-12-02T21:53:56Z")
We’re looking at being in this situation. In-laws went into retirement with zero savings or pension, an inheritance bought them a place to live but some financial decisions made since then have panned out badly. We don’t have a lot of spare cash, and what we have we’re saving in the retirement plans until it hurts, as we don’t expect much from social security… AND we’re looking at needing to leave enough in trust to help support Dweezil when we’re gone. We’ll find a way to help - can’t have the ‘rents living on the streets and bodily harm would ensue if FIL moved in with us - but it’ll be tough (and to be honest, I’ll be resentful that someone else’s lack of foresight will jeopardize _our_ retirement and our kids’ futures). ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268/25 "2008-12-02T21:55:53Z")
Oh - and I should also add, we’ve helped out friends with money when we’ve had it and they’ve needed it, and gladly; in at least one situation I think the friend views it as a loan, but we’ve always viewed it as a gift. That’s a lot easier than a longer-term commitment for support though. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268/26 "2008-12-02T22:34:17Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > AND we’re looking at needing to leave enough in trust to help support Dweezil when we’re gone. This decision has borne heavily on a family I know well. They have an autistic child, and many of the people they know because of this have been advised to abandon their autistic children to the care of the state because otherwise the cost is prohibitive. Fortunately, they’re reasonably well off and have not had to do this. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268/27 "2008-12-02T22:36:04Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > Just curious: was the gynocentricity of the example relations intentional? Am I only allowed to care about my female relatives? I missed this; no it wasn’t intentional. Would it make a difference if the person in need were male? ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268/28 "2008-12-02T23:29:21Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > I missed this; no it wasn’t intentional. Would it make a difference if the person in need were male? Only insofar as I’m reasonably sure my brother and I could live together without resorting to homicide. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268/29 "2008-12-02T23:47:33Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > Perfect timing, my neighbor is in financial trouble and borrowed some money off me today. I didn’t have any money to give her so I borrowed it on my credit card. Other people owe me money that I have had to borrow but what can you do? Just Say No. I have no problem helping someone out if they’re in a bind, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to borrow money to loan to someone else. Those credit cards have really outrageous interest rates. ---
**Author:** ![Jaglavak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85f322/32.png) [@Jaglavak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaglavak)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268/30 "2008-12-03T02:55:22Z")
For my parents, my house is their house no questions asked. Short term to help a hard working relative or close friend through a tight spot, no problem. Done it lately. Slacker, thief, or addict, no way. Been down that road and I ain’t going back. ---
**Author:** ![seodoa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@seodoa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seodoa)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268/31 "2008-12-03T03:07:15Z")
> [@dre2xl](#): > > If it’s … immediate unemployment … : screw 'em. Ouch. So when my family helped my older brother out when he was unexpectedly laid off, we were suckers? :dubious: My family is welcome to anything and everything that I own. I owe them that much for putting up with me all these years. If either of my brothers needed legitimate financial help, I’d send what I could without hesitating. Heck, I’d love it if my brother and his SO moved in, that’d make it the world’s coolest (if not crazy-crowded) apartment _ever._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-a-close-relative-in-penury/475268.md?page=1)