# How would YOU deal with Torquemada...I mean, my wife? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 29, 2016, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542 "2016-01-29T02:13:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/21 "2016-01-29T03:19:39Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > And what IN THE HELL is she saying?! Tá scéilín nua 'gam le h-insint dóibhse Cúrsaí spóirt agus comhrá dí Úll breá gleoite do chuireas i mo phóca 'S ni bhfuaras romham ach prátín síl Ó mo thuírse mar shileann mo shúile I ndiaidh an úll ud a bhí breá buí An óig-bhean uasal bhí t’reis é thabhairt domh 'S do thabhairfinn púnt ar é bhlaiseadh arís ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/22 "2016-01-29T03:21:47Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Tá scéilín nua 'gam le h-insint dóibhse > Cúrsaí spóirt agus comhrá dí > Úll breá gleoite do chuireas i mo phóca > 'S ni bhfuaras romham ach prátín síl > > Ó mo thuírse mar shileann mo shúile > I ndiaidh an úll ud a bhí breá buí > An óig-bhean uasal bhí t’reis é thabhairt domh > 'S do thabhairfinn púnt ar é bhlaiseadh arís Oh!! But of course! ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/23 "2016-01-29T03:24:25Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Postscript: “Arms getting nailed together at the elbows” = “Dinner party thrown by work friend and her husband, attended solely by other work friends you have never met” No hated in-laws? No three hour classical ballet or football game (whichever is less to your taste)? No vegan or game meat menu (ditto)? Just a dinner party with friends, perfectly nice people for all we know? Oh, divorce her, immediately. Did she know you were agoraphobic before you married? ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/24 "2016-01-29T03:25:51Z")
You could take a pocket full of cosbys. Anyone who gets too inanely chatty…BOOM, cosby the hell outta them. OR Just cosby yourself… ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/25 "2016-01-29T03:39:11Z")
> [@j666](#): > > Did she know you were agoraphobic before you married? Not so much agoraphobia as introvert. I suppose if a male guest sidles up to me and asks me about the Super Bowl, I can change to subject to the new, bald, Dutch, and hilariously-named director of the New York Philharmonic, **Jaap van Zweden**. Dude looks like he should be starring in an off-Broadway production of a Samuel Beckett play. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/26 "2016-01-29T07:27:07Z")
You are a natural planner and something of a control freak. That’s why you can’t stand wishy-washiness and last-minute changes. I’ll bet you really wanted the nailing done right on schedule. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/27 "2016-01-29T07:29:12Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Not so much agoraphobia as introvert. If it makes you truly uncomfortable or unhappy to go to such things then it isn’t particularly thoughtful of your wife to expect you to go. I’m an introvert as well and hate dinner parties with people I don’t know(I’m perfectly happy with the small circle I do have). Lots of people who enjoy such situations seem incapable of understanding why other do not. I’ve often been told, “go along, you’ll enjoy yourself when you are there!” well actually, no, no I don’t and never have. For me it would be the equivalent of expecting my wife to come with me to watch hours and hours of cricket. She’d be bored and unhappy, why would I ask her? (although at least at the cricket she could simply crack open a book and take her turn getting the beers in…so actually, the dinner party is a bigger ask for me) ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/28 "2016-01-29T08:28:32Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Postscript: “Arms getting nailed together at the elbows” = “Dinner party thrown by work friend and her husband, attended solely by other work friends you have never met” How are you supposed to pick up your salad fork with your arms nailed together at the elbows? ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/29 "2016-01-29T10:56:59Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Not so much agoraphobia as introvert. > > I suppose if a male guest sidles up to me and asks me about the Super Bowl, I can change to subject to the new, bald, Dutch, and hilariously-named director of the New York Philharmonic, **Jaap van Zweden**. > > Dude looks like he should be starring in an off-Broadway production of a Samuel Beckett play. How can you say that without providing a link? Besides the man looks perfectly normal … oh. I see. But sure, you could do that, or you could ask him who he thought would win, and spend the rest of the evening nodding amiably and wool gathering. Of course, there is nothing wrong with two people pursuing their own interests independently. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/30 "2016-01-29T11:50:33Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > How are you supposed to pick up your salad fork with your arms nailed together at the elbows? It’s all in the wrist. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/31 "2016-01-29T11:59:47Z")
Go. Get drunk (or pretend to). Ask the person next to you if all the stories you’ve heard about the person further down are really true. When they don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, go ‘Oh, you aren’t in the circle. Forget I mentioned it.’ Repeat with each guest. Sit back and admire your handiwork. Never get invited to a work event again. ---
**Author:** ![Whiskey\_Dickens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc348/32.png) [@Whiskey\_Dickens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey_Dickens)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/32 "2016-01-29T14:12:24Z")
Lots of people would love to be invited to a dinner party full of NYC publishing types. Is this a humblebrag? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/33 "2016-01-29T14:55:27Z")
> [@Whiskey\_Dickens](#): > > Is this a humblebrag? Nah, I’m a 20-year veteran of book publishing, myself. Trust me, we’re no more fascinating than Saskatchewan pig-farmer types. Less, probably. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/34 "2016-01-29T15:09:39Z")
**Ike** , these are _publishers_. They’re going to want to talk about paper stuff. Brush up on your Charmin and Bounty trivia and wow those suckers! ---
**Author:** ![cormac262](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@cormac262](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cormac262)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/35 "2016-01-29T15:44:47Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Never get invited to a work event again. Sandra is on the right track here: rather than try to avoid the elbow nailing, go. Only make sure you are NEVER invited back again. But don’t get drunk, stay completely sober (you don’t want the excuse “oh he was drunk that night” to allow you a second try). If these are highbrow, publisher types, then be lowbrow. Talk hockey. Hockey stats. Worst injuries. Worst penalties. Maybe compare the MMA and kickboxing rules and competitors. Talk NASCAR ! Talk monster truck rallies ! If they’re conservatives, rant all things liberal. If they’re liberals, go on a mission to convince them how Trump is the ONLY answer to the country’s problems. (don’t engage in any debates about specific policies, just keep saying “but he knows best !”). And if you’re still “making friends” (people are still willing to listen to you), bring out the big guns: conspiracy theories. Start with 9/11 having been plotted by Greenpeace, then go into contrails, and tie it all together with UFO’s responsible for killing JFK (but it backfired because we still landed on “their” moon anyway ! 😉 Your goal: next week at work, you want ALL her co-workers to be asking her how she ended up with YOU. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/36 "2016-01-29T15:51:45Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Go. > Get drunk (or pretend to). > Ask the person next to you if all the stories you’ve heard about the person further down are really true. > When they don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, go ‘Oh, you aren’t in the circle. Forget I mentioned it.’ > Repeat with each guest. > Sit back and admire your handiwork. > Never get invited to a work event again. This is brilliant. And forget the flute, but by all means bring a tuba. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/37 "2016-01-29T16:54:20Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > If it makes you truly uncomfortable or unhappy to go to such things then it isn’t particularly thoughtful of your wife to expect you to go. > > I’m an introvert as well and hate dinner parties with people I don’t know(I’m perfectly happy with the small circle I do have). Lots of people who enjoy such situations seem incapable of understanding why other do not. > I’ve often been told, “go along, you’ll enjoy yourself when you are there!” well actually, no, no I don’t and never have. > > For me it would be the equivalent of expecting my wife to come with me to watch hours and hours of cricket. She’d be bored and unhappy, why would I ask her? (although at least at the cricket she could simply crack open a book and take her turn getting the beers in…so actually, the dinner party is a bigger ask for me) For Pete’s sake, it’s nothing like forcing your wife to watch cricket even if you would be equally bored. Expecting your wife to go solo when everyone else will be a couple is just selfish. She probably doesn’t want to be there either but it could hurt her career to just skip it. Anyways, you can find private ways to make it fun. I mentioned the acting gig thing (I play the part of charming and worldly trophy husband). I also play “how many of these damned people’s names can I remember?” and “which of these people were dragged here against their will?”. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/38 "2016-01-29T17:16:28Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Does the flute double as a flask? Because if not, then patent pending on that too. Hell, it practically markets itself. “Flusk”. OMG SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY NAO NAO NAO! ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/39 "2016-01-29T17:25:26Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > This is brilliant. And forget the flute, but by all means bring a tuba. No. Bring bagpipes. That you’ve just started learning how to play. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/40 "2016-01-29T17:25:42Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > And what IN THE HELL is she saying?! The only stuff I could make out was “wash in my shaven orgy.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542.md?page=3)