# How would YOU deal with Torquemada...I mean, my wife? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 29, 2016, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542 "2016-01-29T02:13:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/41 "2016-01-29T17:42:52Z")
Well, if your wife makes a habit of this, then your mistake is not taking advantage of the brief respite. On Tuesday, you should have bought (expensive) tickets to something on Friday, or made an unbreakable commitment (“sorry, I agreed to play bridge with the Pope that night – you said the elbow nailing was off the table”). ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/42 "2016-01-29T17:52:33Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Expecting your wife to go solo when everyone else will be a couple is just selfish. Demanding the husband to go when she knows he doesn’t want to and would be uncomfortable is just selfish. > [@](#): > > She probably doesn’t want to be there either but it could hurt her career to just skip it. If her career would be hurt by not going, which I highly doubt, then she can play sick or say the husband is sick and she needs to stay home. Hell just say the husband is sick and couldn’t make it and she can go by herself. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/43 "2016-01-29T18:00:30Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Demanding the husband to go when she knows he doesn’t want to and would be uncomfortable is just selfish. We do things we don’t want to all the time for people we love, not to get all serious. Sometimes being your wife’s date to a party is just a duty. I mean if you have a serious psychological problem that makes a dinner party excruciating then ok, but “it’s kind of a drag” doesn’t really cut it. > [@](#): > > If her career would be hurt by not going, which I highly doubt, then she can play sick or say the husband is sick and she needs to stay home. Hell just say the husband is sick and couldn’t make it and she can go by herself. You shouldn’t doubt it. Networking outside the job is quite a useful career move and having your husband always “sick” looks bad. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/44 "2016-01-29T18:01:01Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Postscript: “Arms getting nailed together at the elbows” = “Dinner party thrown by work friend and her husband, attended solely by other work friends you have never met” Attend, but embarrass her, so she never does this again. When people ask about you, drop it into the conversation that you and your wife are cousins, but where you got married it was legal. Or if there’s a significant age difference, tell them the older one adopted the younger one and you guys just fell in love. > [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > BTW, we live on low floors, so throwing her out the window isn’t a good solution. You missed a golden opportunity to use the word “defenestration”! How many times does that come up?! I demand you repost your original topic with that word in there! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/45 "2016-01-29T18:01:08Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > For Pete’s sake, it’s nothing like forcing your wife to watch cricket even if you would be equally bored. Expecting your wife to go solo when everyone else will be a couple is just selfish. She probably doesn’t want to be there either but it could hurt her career to just skip it. Sorry, it is exactly the same. How is it not selfish for the wife to expect her husband to do something that he hates for her benefit? The selfishness is accepting an invite on behalf of both of you without talking it through first. I’d never do that. So lets say that the cricket is my work outing that everyone else is attending in couples and it would harm my career if she didn’t attend. Does that suddenly become a different situation entirely? I like to think that I respect my wife enough to tell her that she doesn’t need to come along to something that she would hate. Also, I fail to see how a career is harmed by a woman attending a dinner party on her own. If she is single anyway is she somehow doomed for failure? > [@](#): > > Anyways, you can find private ways to make it fun. I mentioned the acting gig thing (I play the part of charming and worldly trophy husband). I also play “how many of these damned people’s names can I remember?” and “which of these people were dragged here against their will?”. For some people that sounds like a living hell. For those that do not feel comfortable in those situations there is no possibility of finding ways to make it fun. A walking round with a face like a smacked arse is going to bring everyone down. Tell me, do you tell depressed people to “just cheer up”? ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/46 "2016-01-29T18:05:14Z")
Seems like there’s some dispute as to which instrument to bring. Tuba, or not tuba? That is the question. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/47 "2016-01-29T18:08:59Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > For some people that sounds like a living hell. For those that do not feel comfortable in those situations there is no possibility of finding ways to make it fun. A walking round with a face like a smacked arse is going to bring everyone down. > Tell me, do you tell depressed people to “just cheer up”? Like I said above, if “living hell” isn’t just hyperbole then I understand. For most people it’s not really, just kind of a drag. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/48 "2016-01-29T18:19:44Z")
Just don’t eat the ‘chocolate mouse.’ ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/49 "2016-01-29T18:31:42Z")
Definitely no chocolate mouse. Or salmon mousse. In all seriousness, my husband hates these work events, so I go without. “He’s working.” Or “Someone had to stay home with kids.” Generally, unless it’s co-workers I’m friends with, I hate these things too. Not to shamelessly promote alcohol, but I’m pretty sure this is why we have alcohol. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/50 "2016-01-29T18:37:40Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Like I said above, if “living hell” isn’t just hyperbole then I understand. For most people it’s not really, just kind of a drag. Then I think we agree. Though, this being the internet I’m not sure a reasonable outcome is actually allowed. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/51 "2016-01-29T18:40:54Z")
“Social lubricant” is not a newly coined phrase. Eta: Novelty Bobble, as the official internet arbiter, I’ll let this one reasonable outcome stand. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/52 "2016-01-29T18:50:29Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Anyways, you can find private ways to make it fun. I mentioned the acting gig thing (I play the part of charming and worldly trophy husband). Exactly. Suppose you were a rent-boy she hired for the evening to pose as her sophisticated boyfriend, Pretty Woman style. You’re getting paid to play a part, and if you don’t like it you can go back to the gutter where she found you. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/53 "2016-01-29T18:58:26Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Nah, I’m a 20-year veteran of book publishing, myself. Trust me, we’re no more fascinating than Saskatchewan pig-farmer types. Less, probably. Well, Ike me lad… Here’s [something you might not know about pig farmers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xUynRdzzsM). ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/54 "2016-01-29T19:04:40Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Exactly. Suppose you were a rent-boy she hired for the evening to pose as her sophisticated boyfriend, Pretty Woman style. You’re getting paid to play a part, and if you don’t like it you can go back to the gutter where she found you. Well I’m trying to help my wife get the corner office so not sure rent boy is quite what I’m aiming for, but you do what you think works for you. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/55 "2016-01-29T19:26:30Z")
I think I might dress as a doughboy in honor of the WWI centennial, bring a violin and idly play excerpts from Bernard Herrmann’s PSYCHO soundtrack. Also, I woke up with a hangover today and am currently treating the condition with bourbon. In other words, I shall be playing the part of charming and worldly trophy husband. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/56 "2016-01-29T19:30:05Z")
You won’t regret it!! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/57 "2016-01-29T19:40:16Z")
But drink beer at the party. Makes you look down to earth and less alcoholicy. Pro tip. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/58 "2016-01-29T19:58:00Z")
I assumed the “Horrible Thing” WAS your wife. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/59 "2016-01-29T21:41:37Z")
> [@cormac262](#): > > … > > Your goal: next week at work, you want ALL her co-workers to be asking her how she ended up with YOU. His result: next week at work, **everyone** from the party is asking how she ended up with him. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542/60 "2016-01-29T21:48:59Z")
_just read this thread_ > [@TriPolar](#): > > Don’t you know where the jewelry store is? First Thought: Jarod’s has a Nail Gun that Shoots 10-Penny, 10-Karat bolts…!? > [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Postscript: “Arms getting nailed together at the elbows” = “Dinner party thrown by work friend and her husband, attended solely by other work friends you have never met” _Stand Down Q; this might need subtlety._ > [@kaylasdad99](#): > > How are you supposed to pick up your salad fork with your arms nailed together at the elbows? > [@wolfman](#): > > It’s all in the wrist. Yes, but since she’s the one on the “Never Ending Story” diet, might I suggest hers be nailed together instead…? _ **Tell them its research for “50 Shades of Home Improvement”** _ > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I assumed the “Horrible Thing” WAS your wife. Never underestimate the magic of more single-malt & less singleness… > [@Whiskey\_Dickens](#): > > Lots of people would love to be invited to a dinner party full of NYC publishing types. Is this a humblebrag? **…for a very humble fee, I Can get you out of Manhattan with a minimal body count. If dropped at the Bendix Diner, couldn’t you have a nice comfort-food dinner, a leisurely walk to Teterboro, and a nice short story on your laptop while on your flight home…?** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-deal-with-torquemada-i-mean-my-wife/744542.md?page=2)