# How would you defeat a super hero? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 22, 2003, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-defeat-a-super-hero/220439 "2003-12-22T11:40:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![First\_Amongst\_Daves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4491bb/32.png) [@First\_Amongst\_Daves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/First_Amongst_Daves)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-defeat-a-super-hero/220439/21 "2003-12-23T08:17:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DreadCthulhu \* > \*\*Well, it depends on the super hero. For physically and mystically weaker heros, like Batman, I would have my loyal cannon fod^H err I mean cultists, kidnap some small children, and tell Batman he has 15 minutes to make it to a remote warehouse or the kids die. This keeps him from preparing. Of course, I have my cultist slaughter the kids right after they get to the warehouse, as long as Batman doesn’t know the kids are dead they will work just as well as hostages, and then they won’t get in the way. > > When Batman shows up, I will just command all of the cultist, Deep Ones, and Star Spawn I have in the area to rush him, guns ablazing. Of course that might not work, so I have some of my more crazy^H^H^H loyal cultist have a VERY large bomb(if possible, nuclear) built into the warehouse, and they will detonate it in the middle of the fight, while Batman is too busy going hand to hand with the deep ones to notice the bomb. That should take care of Batman. On the same line of thinking, I have some issue with how Bats could possibly survive the razing of the Batcave with heat vision from orbit. Spontaneous, no opportunity to prepare a counter-offensive…and, ta-daa!, we have a very crispy Bruce. > [@](#): > > For a really powerful super hero, like Super Man, I would just have to wait till The Stars Are Right, and deal with him myself. I figure I could shatter his mind telepathically, then eat him with some kryptonite salt just to make sure. \*\* \*\* O Great Cthulhu\*\*, as ever, you are correct. I never understood why more telepaths didn’t just knock the crap out of Supes. Someone like the vampire telepath Looker (ostensibly a “good guy”) would be able to make short work of him, you’d think. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-defeat-a-super-hero/220439/22 "2003-12-23T12:50:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The God of Muesli Bars \* > On the same line of thinking, I have some issue with how Bats could possibly survive the razing of the Batcave with heat vision from orbit. Spontaneous, no opportunity to prepare a counter-offensive…and, ta-daa!, we have a very crispy Bruce. Perhaps he’d use his Bat-being-somewhere-else? > [@](#): > > \*\* O Great Cthulhu\*\*, as ever, you are correct. I never understood why more telepaths didn’t just knock the crap out of Supes. Someone like the vampire telepath Looker (ostensibly a “good guy”) would be able to make short work of him, you’d think. Superman seems to have every superpower imaginable under the right circumstances. Probably it’d turn out that his heat vision blocks telepathy or something. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-defeat-a-super-hero/220439/23 "2003-12-23T14:08:39Z")
Is Superman immune to ebola? I’m pretty sure an outbreak of that in a big city would deal with the vast majority of your superheroes. And if you manage to sneak a nuclear bomb into a city and detonate it at once before they catch wind of it, that should do you some good too, no? ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-defeat-a-super-hero/220439/24 "2003-12-23T17:37:00Z")
The key to killing the Hulk would be to track him until he turns back into Banner, and then kill him quickly. Spiderman, Batman, and several other characters have tiny little tracking devices that can be placed on people and things to keep tabs on their movements. Apparently, these devices are small enough and light enough that most people don’t notice them. With this in mind, here’s my Hulk-killing plan: Send a bunch of robots to attack the Hulk. They will, of course, get smashed to bits. However, they’re just a diversion. In addition to the battle robots, I’ll have a smaller, less conspicuous robot that shoots little tracking devices that are covered with some kind of adhesive. While the other robots are fighting the Hulk, my smaller robot will sneak around behind the Hulk and shoot a tracking device at him. It’ll be programed to aim for his pants, since he’d probably notice something hitting his skin. After the battle, I’ll wait maybe 15 minutes or so to let the Hulk turn back to normal and then, using the tracking device, I’ll send in my goon squad with guns blazing. And I, myself, will be far away. Just in case my plan fails 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rodd\_Hill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3ab097/32.png) [@Rodd\_Hill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodd_Hill)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-defeat-a-super-hero/220439/25 "2003-12-23T17:50:38Z")
This is all too baroque. Simply hire a good lawyer, and slap them with lawsuits about infringing your civil rights, or reckless endangerment, or procedural matters. **Superman’s** X-Ray vision: let’s talk invasion of privacy and sexual harassment! **Batman’s** Batmobile: are those vehicle modifications licenced and approved by the NYSDOT (New York State Department of Transport)? And what about WHMIS (Workplace Hazardous Materials Information System) labels on those gas canisters on that utility belt? Not having these is a serious infringment of Occupational Health and Safety Codes in many jurisdictions. **Wolverine:** concealed weapons without a permit. Mr. **Thor** , exactly when did you clear US Customs and Immigration, and do you in fact hold a Green Card? **"Captain" America:** are you currently on leave from your military unit, and do you have written documentation from your Commanding Officer to prove that you are not, in fact AWOL? (If you can show your discharge papers, honorable or otherwise, I withdraw the question). **Wonderwoman** , the Department of Homeland Security and the FAA would like to talk to you about the whole “invisible plane” thing. Please accompany these nice men. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-defeat-a-super-hero/220439.md?page=1)