# How would you feel about your SO's friends all being of the opposite gender? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 1, 2009, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529 "2009-04-01T02:12:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/21 "2009-04-01T11:29:17Z")
[QUOTE=Rigamarole] Yeah. I just don’t buy the theory that hetero men and women can be good buddies with no sexual interest whatsoever [/QUOTE] Who said anything about no sexual interest? There is this thing called “control”. Just because I have some sexual interest in a friend doesn’t mean I’m ever going to act on it. I don’t jump in the sack just because my gonads like him, too. I’m well aware that my male friends have some interest in me sexually. If they don’t understand that I’m happily married and sexually off limits they don’t stay friends. > [@](#): > > If it was a unique situation, like she was an engineer or something where the people she normally meets are overwhelmingly male That’s my situation - I have hobbies there are heavily male dominated. I have female friends, too, just not nearly as many. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/22 "2009-04-01T11:37:24Z")
I’m another one who wouldn’t be bothered by “some” friends of the opposite gender, or even “many” … but when you get to “all” I’m definitely wondering why the person seems so limited in his or her ability to make and maintain friends. I would even think it was a little odd if the opposite were the case … if none of the friends were of the opposite gender. I’m not saying the person needs to be BFF with someone of the opposite gender, and I’m sure there are situations where a person works in a field where they honestly don’t meet many people of the opposite gender, but for the average person, I would think not having even one friend of the opposite gender would be a little telling. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/23 "2009-04-01T22:16:31Z")
I guess I’ll revise my opinion if it is indeed ALL of the person’s friends. Like **delphica** said, if all of someone’s friends are only of one gender (opposite or same), that’s a little weird. Guys, for example, with only guy friends tend to have attitudes similar to **Captain\_C** , in that they’re incapable of seeing women as anything more than sexual objects. ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/24 "2009-04-01T22:38:06Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > I have however been one of those dumbass guys that I spoke of in my previous post. That was of course when I was younger and didn’t know any better. I’ve been this dumbass guy too. My only mental justification is that it was back when I was in college so I was younger, and she wasn’t married. I’m older now, and know better. Also, I have a friend that’s a woman, and she’s one of those that claims most of her friends are men. But I’ve seen her when we’ve all gotten together and women were there, and she’s a bitch on wheels towards most of the women. Especially when she starts drinking. It’s no wonder most of her friends are men; women can’t tolerate her. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/25 "2009-04-01T23:10:03Z")
My wife’s bridal party consisted entirely of dudes. Gay Dudes. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/26 "2009-04-01T23:26:48Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Who said anything about no sexual interest? There is this thing called “control”. _You_ have this thing called “control”. I would argue that 60-70% of people between the ages or 18 and 25 do not. Which is why it seems natural (to me) to be suspicious of your SO spending the majority of their time with members of the opposite sex (when you’re not around). ---
**Author:** ![eldowan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@eldowan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eldowan)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/27 "2009-04-01T23:31:22Z")
> [@Tabby\_Cat](#): > > I was just wondering what all of you out there with significant others, what you thought about your SO being around friends of the opposite gender. Would you be okay with that? > > Of course, he/she claims that they’re all strictly platonic friends, and there’s usually a whole group of them. > Would this be an issue for you? Wouldn’t bother me at all. Of course, I do spend a lot of my time around friends of mine of the opposite sex, so it would be rather shitty if I expected different from my partner. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2009, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/28 "2009-04-02T00:54:08Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > In my experience girls who can have only guy friends are total phycho bitches. Flakey at best. > > Because of their f’d up attitude; the only way they can have friends is to surround themselves with guys who are obviously in love with them. _These_ guys are willing to put up with her shit because _they_ think if they put up with it long enough; she’ll eventually put out. > > Women on the other hand _wont_ put up with her shit because they don’t want to get down her pants. Thus, she has nothing to offer them. (other than a headache.) > > So for me personally I would never even get to the point of SO with a women who only has guy friends. It’s a total red flag for me. It’s a total warning sign for me too. Just based on experience. I’m not saying a woman with mostly male friends can’t be perfectly well-adjusted, but there’s a red flag there for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Giltathriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b38774/32.png) [@Giltathriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giltathriel)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2009, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/29 "2009-04-02T01:20:29Z")
I’m a woman in a male-dominated field - most of my good friends are men and it’s been that way since I started college. It quickly got to the point where I’m not quite sure what to do with women if they are around. What do women do for fun, anyway? I briefly dated a handful of them at one point or another. I can see that freaking out a potential SO, but really. Been there, done that, didn’t work - no interest in going back and I’m pretty convinced it’s mutual. So it would hardly be fair to fault a guy for having all female friends, though it’s unusual enough that I’d look for the reason. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2009, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/30 "2009-04-02T02:14:34Z")
> [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](#): > > What do you think about the opposite situation? FWIW, when I’ve associated with mostly female friends it’s been because I was trying to get laid. Not necessarily _by them_, though- usually just with their friends. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2009, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/31 "2009-04-02T02:28:39Z")
I would consider it a mine field of future problems. I say this after finding out after the fact how many women I’ve known who were boinking either a married guy (if they were single) or guys in general if they were married. I had no clue to the extent this went on in what appeared to be normal marriages. The same applies to guys as it takes 2 to tango. If I had to make a broad stroke guess, I’d say guys like the conquest, and women like the allure of being desired. Note I said broad stroke. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2009, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/32 "2009-04-02T15:47:37Z")
I wouldn’t think it would bode very well for an SO of mine to have all his friends of _either_ gender, unless he was not very sociable and had only one or two close friends. I would be wondering, what problem do you have with the other gender that you don’t make friends with them? The majority of my close friends are women, but my closest friend is male. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2009, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/33 "2009-04-02T22:19:41Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > Hmm, I don’t know. The only two guys I’ve ever known to have mostly female friends we’re gay. I assumed this too about a guy I went to college with, even though my friend Sara loooved him. I was proven wrong in my assumption when he asked me to sleep with him. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/34 "2009-04-03T03:48:33Z")
Every single one of them? That would be weird, although in a “why don’t guys like him?” way rather than a “which one is he fucking?” way. But the vast, vast majority of his friends to be female? Meh. That’s how we met in the first place, after all; it would be pretty damn dumb to get all torn up about it fifteen years later. He’s just never been all that interested in a lot of the stereotypical “guy” things like cars and sports and (around here) hunting/fishing/firearms, which rather cuts into the stuff to do and talk about with a lot of other men. It’s not that he can’t along with them, it’s just that he has a selective appeal. Which is fine, because I have kind of a selective appeal for other women; I like other women just fine, but I don’t really connect with a whole lot of them because we just don’t share a lot of interests. If he wants to take off for several days camping and going to concerts at all hours (neither of which appeal to me) with a group that’s mostly women, hell, I’ll help him pack. Maybe it makes me a freak to cheerfully ship my husband off with a woman who freely announces she only wears panties with skirts that are mid-thigh or shorter, but if that’s so, I don’t want to be normal. ---
**Author:** ![discodancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@discodancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/discodancer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/35 "2009-04-03T18:24:07Z")
If all of my SO’s friends were women, I’d wonder why doesn’t he get along with men. Whether or not it would bother me would depend on the reason he had only female friends. I can’t really say whether it would bother me because I’ve never been in this situation, and I don’t know the reasons behind it. It would make me suspicious. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/36 "2009-04-03T18:48:16Z")
> [@Audrey\_Levins](#): > > As a female I instinctively raise an eyebrow to women who claim that they “just can’t get along” with their own sex, and thus most of their friends are male. > > As a female with male friends, I can attest to the fact that in a group of (mostly) guys, the female(s) get more than their fair share of attention. Right. I’ve found this group to either be attention whores, or otherwise generally catty bitches. Strangely enough, in my experience, these women often claim it’s the rest of womankind who are the catty bitches. This, of course, is ridiculous, and the same rules of fraternization apply to this situation as any other: don’t be a douche, don’t hang around douchey people, and you will find friends who don’t suck, regardless of gender/sex or whatever. That said, I have more male friends than female friends. I think it’s because I don’t have “chick” hobbies or interests. For example, and this is really dorky so nobody laugh, I found a local adult dodgeball crew on the internets, and I thought it seemed like a lot of fun until I realized almost everyone who participates is male. I don’t want to be around a total sausage fest. This would be annoying for a lot of reasons. Am I the only girl who wants to throw things at people? So let’s say I went. I’m clearly incredibly charming, so everyone would take to me right away, and I’d end up becoming friends with these people. These male people who would further increase the percentage of my friends who are male. It’s not out of any weirdness that I’m aware of, but just that things I like tend to be “guy things.” For what it’s worth, 100% of my female friends are non-girly girls and like to do stupid shit (that is, act like boys :D) just like I do. In answer to the thread’s question, I wouldn’t care if my husband only had female friends. As has been said here, I think people who only have friends of one gender (the opposite especially) are often weirdos, and it’s that weirdoness that would turn me off. But sometimes, things could have just ended up that way, and I’m okay with that. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/37 "2009-04-03T19:34:58Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Yeah. I just don’t buy the theory that hetero men and women can be good buddies with no sexual interest whatsoever _at least_ on the part of the man (I do believe the woman can do it, and be completely oblivious to the man’s desire). That’s an incredibly stupid statement. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/38 "2009-04-03T20:02:39Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Maybe it makes me a freak to cheerfully ship my husband off with a woman who freely announces she only wears panties with skirts that are mid-thigh or shorter, but if that’s so, I don’t want to be normal. Where can I find this woman? ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/39 "2009-04-03T20:09:12Z")
> [@Tijuana\_Golds](#): > > If I would be bothered by that then she probably would never reach SO status to begin with. Agreed. She’d essentially be asking me to choose between the vast majority of my best & oldest friends and her, which is not a fight she’s likely to win. even if she really is _that awesome_, the fact that she’d ask in the first place would be a huge mark against her. The accusations and suspicions that fly around in threads like this make me kind of sad. Trust and trustworthy folk still exists, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/40 "2009-04-03T20:17:22Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > That’s an incredibly stupid statement. Because… ? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529.md?page=3)