# How would you feel about your SO's friends all being of the opposite gender? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 1, 2009, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529 "2009-04-01T02:12:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/41 "2009-04-03T20:28:56Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Because… ? Because of its essention presupposition that men cannot control their penises. Because of its perverse denial of the idea that men and women can have shared interests. Because of its breathtakingly cynical apprasial of human nature. Because of its ironically naive appraisal of feminine nature. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/42 "2009-04-03T20:39:50Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Because of its essention presupposition that men cannot control their penises. This argument is never stated, although I think prolonged unfulfilled sexual desire certainly has the potential to make a man miserable. > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Because of its perverse denial of the idea that men and women can have shared interests. Again, this is something you made up. It does not presuppose this at all. Having shared interests does not exclude the possibility that sexual attraction is likely to exist, which was my premise. > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Because of its breathtakingly cynical apprasial of human nature. Guilty on that one. > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Because of its ironically naive appraisal of feminine nature. In what respect? I stated I think heterosexual women are more able to sustain platonic friendship with the opposite sex, and might not even realize their male friends don’t feel the same way about them as they feel towards them. This is true from my personal experience, which is of course limited because that is the nature of personal experience. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/43 "2009-04-03T20:49:58Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > In what respect? I stated I think heterosexual women are more able to sustain platonic friendship with the opposite sex, and might not even realize their male friends don’t feel the same way about them as they feel towards them. This is true from my personal experience, which is of course limited because that is the nature of personal experience. Because WOMEN can long soulfully and mutely for their male friends too. Sometimes the friendship gets ruined because the woman can’t handle the message that groiny things are never going to happen; and sometimes both parties man up 😃 and act like grownups. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/44 "2009-04-03T20:59:54Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Because WOMEN can long soulfully and mutely for their male friends too. Sometimes the friendship gets ruined because the woman can’t handle the message that groiny things are never going to happen; and sometimes both parties man up 😃 and act like grownups. I am willing to accept this as theoretically possible, but it does not seem to be the norm. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/45 "2009-04-03T21:10:16Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > I am willing to accept this as theoretically possible, but it does not seem to be the norm. In my experience it happens all the time, because sexual attraction doesn’t necessarily last, particuarly if not consummated. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/46 "2009-04-03T21:18:28Z")
> [@Giltathriel](#): > > I’m a woman in a male-dominated field - most of my good friends are men and it’s been that way since I started college. It quickly got to the point where I’m not quite sure what to do with women if they are around. What do women do for fun, anyway? > > I briefly dated a handful of them at one point or another. I can see that freaking out a potential SO, but really. Been there, done that, didn’t work - no interest in going back and I’m pretty convinced it’s mutual. > > So it would hardly be fair to fault a guy for having all female friends, though it’s unusual enough that I’d look for the reason. I’m with Giltathriel. I trained as an engineer. I’ve always liked math, the sciences and tinkering. On average, I’m MUCH more comfortable in a group of guys then in a group of women. I’ll be at the table designing siege weapon. Just get me away from the shopping and the shoes. As for the rest, it’s trust. My SO trusted me when I used to crash at the home of a guy friend, because the weather was to crappy to drive home. I trust him to call, visit and even stay with female friends. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be a couple. The only part of the OP that would raise a flag is the all one gender thing. As others have mentioned, that would raise a flag for me, no matter what genders are involved. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/47 "2009-04-03T21:18:32Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > In my experience it happens all the time, because sexual attraction doesn’t necessarily last, particuarly if not consummated. Reminds me somewhat of [this study](http://www.marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2004/10/the_difference_.html) which I heard about on the [Academic Earth](http://academicearth.org/lectures/what-motivates-us-sex) site (the professor brings it up at about 27:30). He notes that the 25% of men who said “no” to the question of “will you go to bed with me tonight?” “apologized profusely, saying things like ‘oh my fiancee is in town’ etc.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/48 "2009-04-03T21:21:55Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Reminds me somewhat of [this study](http://www.marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2004/10/the_difference_.html) which I heard about on the [Academic Earth](http://academicearth.org/lectures/what-motivates-us-sex) site (the professor brings it up at about 27:30). He notes that the 25% of men who said “no” to the question of “will you go to bed with me tonight?” “apologized profusely, saying things like ‘oh my fiancee is in town’ etc.” 😃 Not really sure what your point is there. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/49 "2009-04-03T21:24:07Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Not really sure what your point is there. My point is if you’re a female and you want to get a man in bed, all you have to do is ask. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/50 "2009-04-03T21:32:34Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > My point is if you’re a female and you want to get a man in bed, all you have to do is ask. That is quite not true in my experience. Of course, I’m not a woman. But I know women who are pained having had to endure long periods of celibacy. I know men who are picky about whom they sleep with. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/51 "2009-04-03T21:37:16Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > That is quite not true in my experience. Of course, I’m not a woman. But I know women who are pained having had to endure long periods of celibacy. I know men who are picky about whom they sleep with. Hence that’s why I cited the study - of course, the actors used were “independently deemed to be attractive”, so that likely has an effect. A less attractive female would probably have a harder time with it. But the point remains that men are simply easier. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529/52 "2009-04-03T21:42:33Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Hence that’s why I cited the study - of course, the actors used were “independently deemed to be attractive”, so that likely has an effect. A less attractive female would probably have a harder time with it. But the point remains that men are simply easier. If the actors are independently deemed attractive, as you say, that you seem to be really saying that hot people have an easier time getting laid than not-hot people, not that women have an easier time getting laid than men. But we’re hijacking this thread, so I’m opening a new one to talk about it and will lin to it in about 2 minutes. ETA: [Here’s the link to the thread I’ve opened on the topic.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=512888) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-about-your-sos-friends-all-being-of-the-opposite-gender/491529.md?page=2)