# How would you feel if someone gave away a huge lot of your books without asking you first? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 19, 2016, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619 "2016-01-19T21:24:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/41 "2016-01-20T12:57:36Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > I have a Kindle already, but that was kind of beside the point. If they weren’t having money problems, I’d say just give them a list of the books so they could pay for kindle edition replacements. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/42 "2016-01-20T13:08:54Z")
I’d have to reluctantly say that if you were willing to part with them if they had been sold, then just act as if they were all sold and move on. Chalk it up as one of life’s lessons and an illustration of what you value (it doesn’t mean that your parents were right to disregard your wishes; they weren’t, but what is done is done). FWIW, I have nearly 14 bookcases for my collection, I do not and probably never will own a kindle, and I live by the motto from a button I collected at a SF convention once: THEY GOT THE LIBRARY AT ALEXANDRIA; THEY ARE NOT GETTING MINE! Wise words, IMHO. Go forth and do likewise in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Gothic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Gothic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gothic)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/43 "2016-01-20T13:09:06Z")
Sounds like they are mad you did not move back home. Just remember this incident the next time they try to convince you to return to the broken nest. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/44 "2016-01-20T13:34:08Z")
I was with you up to here: > [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > The garage sale was yesterday, this morning they took the books there and it was the only box they took… For fucks sake, they are still at Goodwill. Go get them. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/45 "2016-01-20T13:50:31Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Sorry I missed that you told them multiple times - not that you mentioned it. > Why do they care that you have books in your apartment? Are they the kind of people who wish that Fahrenheit 451 didn’t come true? And have you ever thought of disowning them? yeah, I don’t understand this part. They’ve been trying for years to get you to throw away books at are in your own apartment? Years? Do they ask you every time you see them “Hey, did you get rid of those books yet?” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/46 "2016-01-20T13:54:10Z")
You totally saw this coming, right? This can’t be a surprising turn of events. Your parents have been trying for **years** to get you to get rid of your books, they guilt you into giving you a bunch of your books, and then they… got rid of a bunch of your books. Your anger is justified, I’d be upset too, but your surprise seems misplaced. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/47 "2016-01-20T13:58:45Z")
> [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > If most people’s mothers didn’t give the comic books away, the remaining ones wouldn’t be worth anything at all. She was just doing her part to make sure that somebody’s comics would be worth something, someday, instead of not even what they originally cost. > > They probably aren’t anyway. (I have a box in the garage belonging to a, uh, 35-year-old. I think they need another 50 years of seasoning, maybe 100 since everybody’s keeping them. But chances are in 50 years everything will be all digital all the time and they won’t be worth a thing. Not that I will be around to care. Fortunately my son has devised a much better retirement investment strategy, it’s called a 401K.) The whole time I was collecting and bagging comics, I was thinking about how much my kids would like them. No such luck: “Like, comics are like what dads YOUR age, like, like.” Now, do I wait and see if it skips a generation, or sell ‘em and gain a lot of storage space? (But not at my parents’ garage sale…) ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/48 "2016-01-20T14:05:41Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Get bent, you fucking asshole. > > You don’t just give away other people’s shit without asking them first. I don’t give a fuck if it’s their big ball of useless belly button lint, you keep your hands off other people’s stuff and ask before giving it away. > > In this case, a big box of my books were given away to goodwill. > > “I didn’t know you wanted to keep them!” > > That’s why you ASK. :rolleyes: You’re pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/49 "2016-01-20T14:24:02Z")
I’m sorry, honey. Knowing what I know about your parents, especially your mom, trusting them was the first mistake. I know it’s terrible to think that some of us can’t trust our parents, but I couldn’t trust my mom with my stuff either. Some parents just don’t have any idea of boundaries and will push and push and push until you finally rebel…then they are all hurt. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/50 "2016-01-20T14:34:12Z")
> [@Dag\_Otto](#): > > For fucks sake, they are still at Goodwill. Go get them. Good point. And someone else mentioned other Dopers might have copies. What books are you missing the most? Like, you can name without even seeing the box? Books are cheap to mail. I get your anger. It’s not as justified as when my wife gave away stuff of mine without asking and without anything like a garage sale to confuse the issue. But they were still yours, with an agreement about what they could do. ---
**Author:** ![Bonaventure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@Bonaventure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonaventure)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/51 "2016-01-20T14:57:25Z")
Consider the fact that you MAY have a book hoarding problem. I find it really hard to square your two statements that 1) your parents have been trying to get you to get rid of some of your books for years and 2) you only have “one bookshelf” of books. No one who loves books as much as you do only has one bookshelf of books. I have maybe 10 and I know I have a problem. Yes, they seem to have tricked you into getting rid of some of your books. But, on the bright side, these are all books you were willing to sell and get rid of. Let them go. Secondly, you have an odd and not particularly healthy relationship with your parents if you are indeed an adult. Are you financially dependent on them in some way? If not, it’s time to be a grown-up. ---
**Author:** ![RetroVertigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@RetroVertigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RetroVertigo)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/52 "2016-01-20T14:58:15Z")
Maybe you already addressed this, but… Go up to the Goodwill and ask for them back. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/53 "2016-01-20T15:07:49Z")
> [@digs](#): > > If your folks are over 55, they’re easily confused (doubly so if they’re crotchety, or retired, or are your parents). There’s NO way they’re going to remember a single detail about things that aren’t crucially important to them. That’s a fucking stupid and insulting comment. What are you, 15? “Old people are like, lame, man. They can’t even remember their own names.” ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/54 "2016-01-20T15:10:25Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > That’s a fucking stupid and insulting comment. What are you, 15? “Old people are like, lame, man. They can’t even remember their own names.” The funny part is he thinks 55 is old (or at least old enough for senility). ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/55 "2016-01-20T15:47:49Z")
The whole thing is pretty weird though. Parents are having trouble paying the bills so you donate a box of books? I doubt if they had sold all the books they would have got more than 10 bucks. And you can’t have a garage sale every month. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/56 "2016-01-20T15:55:16Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Full story: My books were at my apartment. My parents have been trying to get rid of them for years since they’re not readers and think all books do is take up space in a person’s home. > Anyway, I brought a big box of already read ones over about two weeks ago because my parents were having a garage sale. I didn’t want to sell _any_ of my books, but my mom talked me into it and gave me a bit of a guilt trip since they’re having money problems right now and lots of unpaid bills. Money is tight for them, so I begrudingly agreed, but with the caveat that I wanted to keep any unsold ones. > > Well, the garage sale day came and to my delight, they said only two books were sold. Nice, so I still had most of the box left then. But then I called mom today, asking when I can pick the box up again. > > “Oh, we gave the rest to goodwill.” > > “What?!” > > “What? I thought you didn’t want them. You were willing to sell them, after all.” > > Arrgghhh, but I told her barring none get sold, that I wanted to keep the rest. > Was it so hard to, you know, actually ASK before giving he rest away to a donation place? A simple “Hey, none of these sold, is it okay to give them to a charity?” was so impossible? > I maintain it shouldn’t make a difference if I gave them to the garage sale or not, a person should ask pending any further or different action taken on one’s stuff, especially books. > I probably wouldn’t have been as annoyed if it had been anything BUT books. You want to give away other shit of mine without asking? Fine. I can forgive it. But not my books. I didn’t even want to sell any in the first place and I made it clear. > > Okay, rant over. Am I the only one that thinks this is weird? You bring a box of books over from YOUR apartment to your parents’ house to help them raise money at a garage sale and then they donate the leftovers? That just sounds all kinds of weird. These were not books sitting in their basement. They asked you to do them a favor and bring over some books for them to sell to help them with their bills? WTF?!?! Something else seems to be going on here. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/57 "2016-01-20T16:20:50Z")
Somebody just asked me why I was scowling, and I said I was mad at someone else’s parents for giving away their books. I think I need to separate Dope Life from Real Life… ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/58 "2016-01-20T16:30:50Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > That’s a fucking stupid and insulting comment. What are you, 15? “Old people are like, lame, man. They can’t even remember their own names.” I’m over 50 myself, with grown kids. I can see myself doing something like “Oh, bunch of boxes left over from the garage sale. Hmm, I’m driving past Goodwill on my way to Home Depot, so no prob…” Just saying they might be more guilty of obliviousness than malice. ---
**Author:** ![Gothic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Gothic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gothic)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/59 "2016-01-20T17:01:22Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Somebody just asked me why I was scowling, and I said I was mad at someone else’s parents for giving away their books. > > I think I need to separate Dope Life from Real Life… Just saw my 401K balance has been my answer for the past few months. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/60 "2016-01-20T17:06:06Z")
OP: I feel that your situation is one which is a frequently-encountered part of the human condition: occurs very often in dealings with people, irrespective of whether they might be old / scatterbrained / one’s parents with whom one has perhaps a rocky relationship. It would seem that most people, across the board, do not deal well with attempted arrangements which are complicated and hedged-about with “ifs and buts” – and all of which stuff may seem counter-intuitive; as with your “caveat” described in your “full story” post. My sympathies are with you in this situation: I’m one who tends to try to set up arrangements of this sort – and who have often been “burned” in such episodes. This is a kind of thing which, it appears, most folk can’t handle: their instinctive reaction is, “I don’t need all this convoluted crap, and am not even going to try to process it: what’s the matter with this fool? – he doesn’t seem to know what the hell he wants”. And they variously thwart / screw up the attempted arrangements, and nothing will make them feel any remorse for doing so. I don’t see why it’s so difficult / such a terrible imposition, for people to pay attention, and sort out and keep in mind and comply with the “Plan A / Plan B” stuff: sadly, though, folk like you and I are in the minority here – the world at large, is strongly in the “disregard and scorn complex arrangements” camp. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619.md?page=4)