# How would you feel if someone gave away a huge lot of your books without asking you first? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 19, 2016, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619 "2016-01-19T21:24:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/61 "2016-01-20T17:17:03Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > The funny part is he thinks 55 is old (or at least old enough for senility). Where am I again? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/62 "2016-01-20T17:33:32Z")
I admit it. I’m a book hoarder. When my sister volunteered to help move my books I was glad. Looks like I only got about half my books. Sis? If you weren’t going to do it right, why even ask? I’m more bemused than angry. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/63 "2016-01-20T17:51:08Z")
> [@Sangahyando](#): > > I don’t see why it’s so difficult / such a terrible imposition, for people to pay attention, and sort out and keep in mind and comply with the “Plan A / Plan B” stuff: sadly, though, folk like you and I are in the minority here – the world at large, is strongly in the “disregard and scorn complex arrangements” camp. I agree with you there (and the rest of the post). The only thing I would disagree with it the “complex” part of it. For many people complex means pretty much anything more complicated than a cave man grunting about could get across idea wise. Remember 50 percent of people are below average intelligence. And even for those above the 50 percent mark, there is a 95 percent chance they are fricking dumb asses regarding some sort of “problem solving” set of problems. Which, in my WAG, means you got about a 1 in 5 chance overall of somebody not fucking something up they don’t do regularly and have no skin in the game themselves. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/64 "2016-01-20T18:01:51Z")
> [@koeeoaddi](#): > > Where am I again? 😕 You are on my lawn and you better get the frack off of it right now. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/65 "2016-01-20T18:05:06Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > You are on my lawn and you better get the frack off of it right now. Well, why did you put the frack on it in the first place??? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/66 "2016-01-20T18:08:03Z")
Because that is where the ole ball and chain told me to put it. Hey, it is meatloaf night and I ain’t messing up a good thing here. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/67 "2016-01-20T21:27:53Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Sorry I missed that you told them multiple times - not that you mentioned it. > Why do they care that you have books in your apartment? Are they the kind of people who wish that Fahrenheit 451 didn’t come true? And have you ever thought of disowning them? > [@Eliahna](#): > > I think it’s pretty awful that they got rid of them, but I’m unclear on why your parents are so hung up on your book collection. Even as non-readers, why would they care that you have a non-excessive number of books (one bookcase full) in your own home? This all has less to do with this rant in itself and more to do just with the kind of parents I have. They’re both military and they like an impossible clean and not cluttered (I.E empty). My mom will make her bed every morning, without fail and not only that, it must be made in order to pass the “Dime Test”. This means if someone were to come along randomly and drop a dime onto the bed, it must bounce. If it does not, that means you did not make your bed and, thus, you have a messy bed and, from that, a messy house. They’re the only parents in the world that I know who don’t make any crumbs at all when they eat, even if it’s something really crummy, like a donut. You keep food out on the counter? Any food at all? Snacks, fruit, bread? If you do, then you have a messy house, in her opinion. All food must be put away into the fridge or cupboards. It’s a constant fight when she visits, because she’s always putting things away that I like out on the counter and then I go into the cupboards and get them all out again after she’s gone. I have already tried saying “Uh, this is MY house now, can you not put that away? I like/want it out on the counter” and I’m ignored. But like I said, it’s all beside the point…I’m just telling you this to hopefully paint a better picture so you can understand how she is and why she would have the “ew, books, so …cluttery…please get rid of them” attitude. Anyway, because I have four shelves dedicated to books (something they don’t see the point in wasting time on when one could be cleaning or working), they see it as a waste of space. Someone upwards in this thread asked if they’re usually like “Have you gotten rid of all of those books yet?” each week and that isn’t too far from the truth, actually. > [@sandra\_nz](#): > > I’m unclear. Do you own/pay the rent for your own apartment? Or is this an apartment where you are living with your parents/they are paying your rent/mortgage? I pay for my own apartment. > [@Maastricht](#): > > This. Did you have a clear agreement that they would store the unsold books, and how long it would take you to come and get the unsold books? I thought it was pretty clear. I didn’t know I’d have to ask or remind them more than twice otherwise I would have. Well, let’s put it this way, the garage sale they had ended at 4pm on Saturday and I called them at 8am on Sunday, to ask for the books back, and they were gone by then. > [@Bonaventure](#): > > Consider the fact that you MAY have a book hoarding problem. Here are all the books I owned (this was taken months ago, so it shows books I no longer have due to the give away): [1](https://scontent.fphx1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/11762_10201218783175373_37626722_n.jpg?oh=bbb7ca4636eef6b687a252874f5e8f2d&oe=57404218), [2](https://scontent.fphx1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/936191_10201218648532007_810172846_n.jpg?oh=5330df69573acb35c1051993796c3bc5&oe=56FE1BE4), [3](https://scontent.fphx1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/v/t1.0-9/942834_10201218647011969_215286698_n.jpg?oh=1408dd496a1e143236573bb37bd21489&oe=5705BB99), [4](https://scontent.fphx1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/935662_10201218645011919_1779448825_n.jpg?oh=20490bc550eba77302adea0e24288974&oe=574239E9) (new books I bought that were to be incorporated into the shelf, which you can see a bit of in photo 3, at the very bottom) That’s it. Do you seriously think I have a book hoarding problem? > [@Damuri\_Ajashi](#): > > Am I the only one that thinks this is weird? > > You bring a box of books over from YOUR apartment to your parents’ house to help them raise money at a garage sale and then they donate the leftovers? > > That just sounds all kinds of weird. These were not books sitting in their basement. They asked you to do them a favor and bring over some books for them to sell to help them with their bills? WTF?!?! > > Something else seems to be going on here. “Hey, we’re having a garage sale and could use more things. You have anything you could give us that might sell?” “Not that I can think of…” “What about all those books you have? Maybe one or two of them will sell.” “Yeah, but I don’t really want to sell any of my books.” “Come on, you’ve read most of them all already…it would really be a big help, please, Chris?” _thinking most probably won’t sell anyway_ “Okay…but I’d like to have back any that don’t sell” Doesn’t seem that weird of a conversation to me, but that may be because it’s the norm for me. : p ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/68 "2016-01-20T21:40:33Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > You are on my lawn and you better get the frack off of it right now. > [@Eutychus](#): > > Well, why did you put the frack on it in the first place??? > [@billfish678](#): > > Because that is where the ole ball and chain told me to put it. Hey, it is meatloaf night and I ain’t messing up a good thing here. I thought fracking was bad for the environment. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/69 "2016-01-20T21:44:51Z")
Clearly the OP needs to keep a box of decoy books in case this happens again. Just fill a box with random volumes and when parents nag the OP to clear out some old books and help out with their garage sale, “reluctantly donate” the box, while making a big deal about how you hate to let them go and want them back if they don’t sell while actually not caring if you ever see those books again. Parents are satisfied their nagging accomplished something, while wanted books remain untouched. Meantime, if the lost books are really wanted that badly, just go to Goodwill and buy them back. Better that than harboring resentment and, frankly, inviting SDMB ridicule which I freely admit I feel tempted to resort to, myself. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/70 "2016-01-20T21:53:20Z")
No more resentment held, I’m pretty much over it. I just wanted to answer some of those questions that were left over. As for anyone wanting to give ridicule, do your worst if you want. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/71 "2016-01-20T21:55:06Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > This all has less to do with this rant in itself and more to do just with the kind of parents I have. They’re both military and they like an impossible clean and not cluttered (I.E empty). My mom will make her bed every morning, without fail and not only that, it must be made in order to pass the “Dime Test”. This means if someone were to come along randomly and drop a dime onto the bed, it must bounce. If it does not, that means you did not make your bed and, thus, you have a messy bed and, from that, a messy house. > They’re the only parents in the world that I know who don’t make any crumbs at all when they eat, even if it’s something really crummy, like a donut. Got it. You live in Arizona, right? Do you realize that Maine is a very nice state? My kids don’t want to live in the same town as we do, and we don’t want to live in the same town they do. Much better that way. And you’re not a book hoarder. I’m not even a book hoarder and I have 50x more books than you do. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/72 "2016-01-20T22:03:52Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Here are all the books I owned (this was taken months ago, so it shows books I no longer have due to the give away): > [1](https://scontent.fphx1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/11762_10201218783175373_37626722_n.jpg?oh=bbb7ca4636eef6b687a252874f5e8f2d&oe=57404218), [2](https://scontent.fphx1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/936191_10201218648532007_810172846_n.jpg?oh=5330df69573acb35c1051993796c3bc5&oe=56FE1BE4), [3](https://scontent.fphx1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/v/t1.0-9/942834_10201218647011969_215286698_n.jpg?oh=1408dd496a1e143236573bb37bd21489&oe=5705BB99), [4](https://scontent.fphx1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/935662_10201218645011919_1779448825_n.jpg?oh=20490bc550eba77302adea0e24288974&oe=574239E9) (new books I bought that were to be incorporated into the shelf, which you can see a bit of in photo 3, at the very bottom) > That’s it. > > Do you seriously think I have a book hoarding problem? I hate to be a dick in your time of sorrow but some of those are magazines. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/73 "2016-01-20T22:26:18Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Got it. You live in Arizona, right? Do you realize that Maine is a very nice state? > My kids don’t want to live in the same town as we do, and we don’t want to live in the same town they do. Much better that way. > And you’re not a book hoarder. I’m not even a book hoarder and I have 50x more books than you do. Yes, **Voyager** has got it right in every way. You need to move far far away from the parents. And take all your books. ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/74 "2016-01-20T22:27:12Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > Had you finished colouring them all in? Thread winner! ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/75 "2016-01-20T22:47:53Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Full story: My books were at my apartment. My parents have been trying to get rid of them for years since they’re not readers and think all books do is take up space in a person’s home. > Anyway, I brought a big box of already read ones over about two weeks ago because my parents were having a garage sale. I didn’t want to sell _any_ of my books, but my mom talked me into it and gave me a bit of a guilt trip since they’re having money problems right now and lots of unpaid bills. Money is tight for them, so I begrudingly agreed, but with the caveat that I wanted to keep any unsold ones. > > Well, the garage sale day came and to my delight, they said only two books were sold. Nice, so I still had most of the box left then. But then I called mom today, asking when I can pick the box up again. > > “Oh, we gave the rest to goodwill.” > > “What?!” > > “What? I thought you didn’t want them. You were willing to sell them, after all.” > > Arrgghhh, but I told her barring none get sold, that I wanted to keep the rest. > Was it so hard to, you know, actually ASK before giving he rest away to a donation place? A simple “Hey, none of these sold, is it okay to give them to a charity?” was so impossible? > I maintain it shouldn’t make a difference if I gave them to the garage sale or not, a person should ask pending any further or different action taken on one’s stuff, especially books. > I probably wouldn’t have been as annoyed if it had been anything BUT books. You want to give away other shit of mine without asking? Fine. I can forgive it. But not my books. I didn’t even want to sell any in the first place and I made it clear. > > Okay, rant over. That’s when you cut off your parents go total No Contact with them ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/76 "2016-01-20T23:16:40Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > That’s when you cut off your parents go total No Contact with them That might be an overreaction, but if you ever want to kill them, bring them to visit me. My questionable housekeeping skills will kill them stone dead, guaranteed. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/77 "2016-01-20T23:36:11Z")
Does it help any to think that, by giving your books to Goodwill, they might have helped to get them into the hands of other people who would read and enjoy them? ---
**Author:** ![Bonaventure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@Bonaventure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonaventure)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2016, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/78 "2016-01-20T23:53:14Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > I hate to be a dick in your time of sorrow but some of those are magazines. I’d say the bulk of your “collection” is thrashed mass-market copies of Mary Higgins Clark, Jeffery Deaver, and Dean Koontz. Goodwill will probably sell you your whole lot back for a buck. And honestly, that’s a fair price. You can’t give those kinds of books away. If I walked into someone’s apartment and they had a Playboy, twenty Mary Higgins Clark books, and the complete Lil Abner on their shelves, I’d probably just back out again slowly. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/79 "2016-01-21T00:12:54Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Does it help any to think that, by giving your books to Goodwill, they might have helped to get them into the hands of other people who would read and enjoy them? That’s a thought. It wouldn’t help me, because I don’t keep books that I don’t want to read and enjoy, even if it’s for a second or a third or a seventh time. I can’t see any reason to pass them off to someone else that might enjoy them when I _know_ that I will enjoy them again. If I’ve given them away, then I have to replace them when I want to read them again. Not good, and not always possible. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2016, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619/80 "2016-01-21T01:15:26Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > I hate to be a dick \ Cite? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-feel-if-someone-gave-away-a-huge-lot-of-your-books-without-asking-you-first/743619.md?page=5)