# How would you have screwed up the quest of the One Ring? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 3, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574 "2010-02-03T20:20:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/81 "2010-02-06T05:14:37Z")
> [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](#): > > Would the ring even have any power over us Earth humans? We were not created by Eru after all. ??? This is patently bizarre. Middle-Earth is meant to be the ancient continent that became Eurasia. > [@The\_Controvert](#): > > If the eagle turns invisible with me, Sauron has to stop a stealth bomber. Otherwise, I’ll be celebrating my victory by fucking Arwen inside of a day. Oh good, then Eowyn is still available. > [@MacTech](#): > > Okay, so the Ring seems to be resistant to these forms of heat-treating, lets conjure up a small tac-nuke and drop it on the Ring… “conjure up a small tac-nuke”? > [@Polycarp](#): > > Mithril was known to the Third Age only as the native element, which was av ailable only as a vein in Khazad-Dum. (Actually it’s a very common element in the MEU, but occurs mostly as the tightly-bound and difficult-to-refine sulphate and phosphates (Mr[sub]2[/sub]SO[sub]3[/sub] and Mr[sub]2[/sub]PO[sub]2[/sub], Mithrous sulphite and phosphite, and Mr[sub]3[/sub]SO[sub]4[/sub] and Mr[sub]3[/sub]PO[sub]3[/sub], Mithic sulphate and phosphate, the latter two commonly known as the _mithic 'phates_). > > Mithril’s melting point has never been directly established, and appears to vary with time and the requirements of JRRT’s plot. Eh, it’s just aluminum really, isn’t it? Or maybe something in the platinum group, considering those were only “discovered” & named in the 19th Century iirc. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/82 "2010-02-06T05:16:46Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Actually, it’s been my contention for a while that mithril is actually aluminum. Pure mithril is not as strong as steel; Bilbo’s mail coat is said to be an unspecified alloy of it. And the Elves were known to use mithril as an ingredient in synthetic gemstones (note: Ruby, sapphire, and several other gems are aluminum compounds) and other wondrous materials (like the moon-writing that Elrond reads on Thorin’s map). The fact that it can be alloyed implies that it can be melted, and the fact that it can be made into gemstones implies that it can take part in chemical reactions. :sigh: I posted before getting to this post. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/83 "2010-02-06T19:26:22Z")
My Screw up would probably consist of charging into a brigade of Orcs, screaming like a maniac, while we were trying to sneak past them. Although my former companions might be able to sneak away while the Orcs try to deal with a surprise berserker attack. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/84 "2010-02-07T00:03:47Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > My Screw up would probably consist of charging into a brigade of Orcs, screaming like a maniac, while we were trying to sneak past them. Although my former companions might be able to sneak away while the Orcs try to deal with a surprise berserker attack. Kinda like Han Solo charging the stormtroopers? ---
**Author:** ![Oregon\_sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Oregon\_sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oregon_sunshine)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/85 "2010-02-07T00:17:46Z")
Skald, your posts amuse me to no end. Since I’m so darned klutzy irl, my vote for me as Frodo would be to have dropped the damn thing and lost it to a ringwriath or something, halfway through book One. My husband just urged me to post, he would have wasted time by using it for a cock-ring (\*since the Ring could expand to fit any size, even his epic, uh, you know what… lol)!! 😉 \*o.s.'s comments 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/86 "2010-02-07T01:10:22Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > Eh, it’s just aluminum really, isn’t it? Or maybe something in the platinum group, considering those were only “discovered” & named in the 19th Century iirc. No, Mithril is definitely **NOT** aluminum. Here’s a helpful chart: [The Periodic Table of Middle-Earth Elements](http://periannath.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/meperiodictable_1200x762.gif). Learn it! 😃 A partial explanation of the chart follows: > [@](#): > > Guide to the Middle-earth elements: > > 1. Angainorium: the supernatural mineral from which the smith Aulë forged the chains used to bind Morgoth. Also called tilkal. > > 2. Gold: the metal from which Sauron forged the One Ring. Also used for dental fillings. > > 3. Galvorn: a shining black metal created by Eöl the Dark Elf in the First Age. > > 4. Mithril: a hard, silvery metal found only in the Mines of Moria. Used to make Frodo’s underwear. > > 5. Silmarilium: a supernatural gemstone created by Fëanor during the Years of the Trees; it can capture and re-emit the radiation produced by Telpirium and Laurelinium. Any Elf or Ainu who encounters Silmarilium is overcome with the desire to possess it. > > 6. Emerald: a green gemstone, and a symbol of Ireland. Tolkien once said Ireland was evil. So there’s that. > > 7. Diamond: a clear, hard gemstone. Also, Pippin’s wife. > > 8. Arkenium: a white gemstone found only under the Lonely Mountain. The Arkenstone of Thráin the Old is the only known example. > > 9. Palantium: a glassy, crystalline stone created by Fëanor in Valinor. When properly enchanted, a sphere of Palantium will show you clips from other parts of the movie, plus a great flaming vagina. [http://periannath.com/humor/the-periodic-table-of-middle-earth-elements/](http://periannath.com/humor/the-periodic-table-of-middle-earth-elements/) ---
**Author:** ![MeDrewNotYou](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@MeDrewNotYou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeDrewNotYou)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/87 "2010-02-07T02:04:42Z")
> [@HorseloverFat](#): > > This is one of weirdest posts Ive read on this site. Any URLs or photos or anything? Weirdest? You must mean the most awesome! I want more info on this so I can participate. ETA: I’d advocate the Council send a group to sneak into Nurnen and foment rebellion. Can’t imagine the slaves there are too happy. But I see that not ending well both for the good guys and the rebel slaves. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/88 "2010-02-07T02:37:13Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Angainorium: the supernatural mineral from which the smith Aulë forged the chains used to bind Morgoth. Also called tilkal. Actually, tilkal is made from a combination of gold, silver, copper, iron, tin, and lead, hence the name (it’s an acronym of the Quenya names for those metals). And no, I didn’t have to look that up. Why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/89 "2010-02-07T04:34:55Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > And no, I didn’t have to look that up. Why do you ask? Dude. It’s the Straight Dope. There’s no _need_ to ask that. 😛 Honestly, I think that one day I’ll log in to find that you’ve all given up on English and just lapsed into Quenya forevermore. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/90 "2010-02-07T06:09:09Z")
**Polycarp** said: > [@](#): > > Mithic sulphate and phosphate, the latter two commonly known as the _mithic 'phates_). _cough_ mythic fates? _cough_ :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Reepicheep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@Reepicheep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reepicheep)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/91 "2010-02-07T06:30:16Z")
Modern sensibility – what do you mean I have to walk for days without a shower? I don’t want a bath in a river; I want a shower every damn day! Yes, I need to take these pills every day in the morning, and these every day before bed – my doctor told me to – and I need refills, where do I get the refills? So let me try to understand – because your ancestors were heroic, you are going to be king? Not from anything you yourself have done, just because you have the “right” genes? It doesn’t matter does what people do now, it only matters who’s ancestors fraught heroically before, where people end up in leadership rolls. Let me quote something “Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!” or in your case ancestral wedding ceremonies. ---
**Author:** ![MeDrewNotYou](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@MeDrewNotYou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeDrewNotYou)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/92 "2010-02-07T07:49:51Z")
> [@Reepicheep](#): > > Modern sensibility – what do you mean I have to walk for days without a shower? I don’t want a bath in a river; I want a shower every damn day! Yes, I need to take these pills every day in the morning, and these every day before bed – my doctor told me to – and I need refills, where do I get the refills? > > So let me try to understand – because your ancestors were heroic, you are going to be king? Not from anything you yourself have done, just because you have the “right” genes? It doesn’t matter does what people do now, it only matters who’s ancestors fraught heroically before, where people end up in leadership rolls. Let me quote something “Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!” or in your case ancestral wedding ceremonies. Monty Python quote in 3…2…1… ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/93 "2010-02-07T15:52:41Z")
Been there, done that. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/94 "2010-02-07T18:40:38Z")
I’d load up on a nice arsenal of modern firepower, slay orcs like crazy, and then get face-to-face with Sauron, and unload a standard assload of 00 buck into him at point-blank range… …only to discover, to my utter chagrin, that the Boom-Stick doesn’t work on him. But it _does_ make him angry. Very, _very_ angry. Oh my, yes, does it _ever…_ Me: “You can have my guns when you pry them from my cold, dead, hands!” Sauron: “Your proposal is acceptable.” ⚡ Me: “Oh! Ouch? Damn.” NOT to be continued ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/95 "2010-02-09T19:03:27Z")
> [@Reepicheep](#): > > So let me try to understand – because your ancestors were heroic, you are going to be king? Not from anything you yourself have done, just because you have the “right” genes? It doesn’t matter does what people do now, it only matters who’s ancestors fraught heroically before, where people end up in leadership rolls. Let me quote something “Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!” or in your case ancestral wedding ceremonies. I’m not sure where you’re coming at with this. Aragorn 's life was full of heroic deeds before the Ringwar. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/96 "2010-02-09T21:19:40Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m not sure where you’re coming at with this. Aragorn 's life was full of heroic deeds before the Ringwar. And indeed the people of Minas Tirith were asked if they were willing for Aragorn to enter their city and be their King, and they all shouted _yea_ with one voice, so there’s your mandate from the masses right there. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/97 "2010-02-09T22:15:55Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > And indeed the people of Minas Tirith were asked if they were willing for Aragorn to enter their city and be their King, and they all shouted _yea_ with one voice, so there’s your mandate from the masses right there. So, what you’re saying is, all the residents of the city were herded out of their houses into an open field, surrounded by a heavily armed and experienced-in-killing military, and when asked if anyone objected to the leader of that heavily-armed military ruling the city, nobody spoke up. Well, I’m convinced that as far as public mandate goes, that’s basically the equivalent of a long publicly-funded campaign with vigorous well-moderated debate culminating in a secret ballot for a proportionally-representative assembly that then forms a governing coalition. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/98 "2010-02-09T22:26:40Z")
No, plenty of people spoke up; they just spoke up in the affirmative. That’s a fair bit different from staying silent in fear. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574/99 "2010-02-10T01:26:57Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > No, plenty of people spoke up; they just spoke up in the affirmative. That’s a fair bit different from staying silent in fear. Sure it is. Just ask [Ash.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5iTpleCndo) _Ya got that!?_ 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-have-screwed-up-the-quest-of-the-one-ring/527574.md?page=4)