# How would you make Star Wars III? (spoilers) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 6, 2003, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036 "2003-06-06T07:57:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/1 "2003-06-06T07:57:47Z")
Shooting of Star Wars Episode III started today. My first thought was: how are they going to save this wreck? Given what we already know, ie: - Haydn Christensen is in it. - Natalie Portman is in it. - Ewan McGregor is in it. - Peter Mayhew is in it, and he is playing Chewbacca. …and so on, and knowing what has to happen (Anakin and Obi-Wan fighting, Anakin falling into lava pit, Anakin becoming Vader, Luke and Leia born to Amidala, and so on), how would you bring the _Star Wars_ franchise back to its former glory? What would the story of episode III be, in your competent hands? How would you explain why Obi-Wan chose to hide Luke from Anakin on Anakin’s home planet, with people Anakin knew? Where did R2-D2 and C3P0 spend the years between Episodes III and IV? Are they memory-wiped? How would you show the annihilation of the Jedi? Go nuts. Save _Star Wars_. ---
**Author:** ![Major\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Major\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Major_Kong)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/2 "2003-06-06T08:08:12Z")
A wizard did it. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/3 "2003-06-06T08:16:48Z")
> [@](#): > > How would you make Star Wars III? By remaking episodes I and II. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/4 "2003-06-06T08:18:46Z")
We’d all like to do that, **Blake** , but it’s not an option. But say George Lucas calls you right now and says “Yo, **Blake**! I’m in a dreadful fix here old mate, buncha stuff to do and the wife is giving me a hard time, would you mind horribly wielding supreme executive power to the minutest detail over _Star Wars_ episode III? I’ll throw a couple of million dollars into the bargain, mmm’kay?”; what then? ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/5 "2003-06-06T08:28:07Z")
i’d do it for free: -stormtroopers are not clones -tarkin shows up -new actor for vader -more lightsaber fights -yoda vs. emperor -jar jar dies, is brought back to life, and dies again -Nude Portman -a real spacefight -walkers -anikan goes bad because he is a jerk, not some crap about he loves his mom and is therefore afraid -and we find out his dad is really some no-name drifter who was stabbed by some Jawa rogues -a planet made entirely of cheese -a jedi with 6 arms, who does a fight sequence using all six arms -Yuen Woo Ping will be involved -the USS Enterprise shows up and blows up a Star Destroyer ---
**Author:** ![Kyomara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Kyomara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyomara)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/6 "2003-06-06T09:52:35Z")
First of all, I’d fire that Lucas what’s-his-name director guy. And I second the idea of having a planet made entirely of cheese. Though I might prefer a nude Portman made entirely of cheese. With six arms. Hey, more cheese. ---
**Author:** ![paulberserker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@paulberserker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paulberserker)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/7 "2003-06-06T10:14:28Z")
dialogue that doesnt sound like it was written by a robot more jedi lightsabre kicking off, especially involving sam jackson jar jar dying jar jar dying jar jar dying, by lightsabre, by sam jackson, or yoda no musical numbers is the lava pit ending true then? or is it fanboy rumour? ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/8 "2003-06-06T10:17:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by paulberserker \* > \*\*is the lava pit ending true then? or is it fanboy rumour? \*\* I haven’t seen it in a book so far, but I’ve been told it’s mentioned in one of them (not that Lucas has been shown to care about continuity…). It’s been a “known fact” for many years; can’t say for sure how many. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/9 "2003-06-06T10:26:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Priceguy \* > **Shooting of Star Wars Episode III started today.** Where did you get that information? George Lucas isn’t even in Australia yet. A friend of mine who will be on set arrives here on June 17th to begin on the 18th. He will be required before shooting officially begins. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/10 "2003-06-06T10:39:26Z")
**GuanoLad** , I [read it here](http://www.aftonbladet.se/vss/noje/story/0,2789,316347,00.html). It’s in Swedish, unfortunately, but you’ll just have to trust me when I say that it says shooting starts June 6th in Sydney. I’m sure you’re right though, it would hardly be the first time that particular newspaper got the facts wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/11 "2003-06-06T11:25:52Z")
## The IMDb says they started on June 3. Although that date is from months ago. Fix III? Is it possible? So many conflicted points. He’s wasted two whole movies and barely moved us towards Imperial dominance. Caesar just left for Gaul! I think if I were to make III it would be seriously long. Of course if I made all 3 they’d all be seriously long. LoTR is doing fine with long movies. Have interesting conversations between the main characters which reveal their characters but not necessarily advance the plot greatly. I will almost certainly have to do a rewrite. I’m certain I could easily find someone more qualified then whoever wrote the last two. Hmm, what do think about a Father-Daughter relationship between Padme and Bail? Involved massive space battles. Did you see Spike dogfight in “Cowboy Bebop the Movie”? It’s got to be fast and dynamic like that. And as fun as the Falcon in the asteroid field. I’d probably have to tell Chewie to go home. I’d hate to do it but if Lucas hadn’t already brought in the droids and Boba Fett then it might be semi-reasonable. Is he going to bonk his head and lose his memory too? You remember all those young Jedi in II? They will be killed. The Emperor is seriously evil. Assassination droids going after Yoda. Find a damn good reason for Ben to stay on Tatooine near Luke who still lives with Vader’s brother. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Priceguy \* > **We’d all like to do that, Blake, but it’s not an option.** Not even if we reveal that the first two movies were part of a nightmare Obi-Wan had? ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/12 "2003-06-06T11:30:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fern Forest \* > \*\*Not even if we reveal that the first two movies were part of a nightmare Obi-Wan had? \*\* That’s a valid solution, of course. Would you have the guts? Someone on this board (2 laZ 2 surch) earned my undying devotion by suggesting that everything since the end of _Empire Strikes Back_ was a dream Han Solo had while frozen in carbonite. In a way, I’d like that. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/13 "2003-06-06T12:35:42Z")
I think they should have Anakin and Amidala get married and raise their kids in peace and happiness, but first they’ll have to defeat the emperor and bring back the Jedi from near-extinction, thus causing all the Star Wars fans in the world to spend the rest of their lives saying, “what the _hell!!_” That would be cool. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/14 "2003-06-06T12:39:46Z")
Simple… Pull a Michael Corleone treatment on old Anikan… He becomes evil while trying to protect those he loves… Eventually his frustrations and failures lead him to more desperate and questionable actions. Obi Wan not able to break from the Jedi Code ends up becoming more of a hinderence to Anikan’s efforts making him more an enemy. The Emperor watching this from the sidelines uses this rift to tempt Anikan. He leads Anikan to beleive the entire order is only out to look after itself and is a dangerous orginization… Anikan helps the emperor wipe out the order. Obi Wan attempts to stop the slaughter and gets into a stalemate fight with Anikan which leads both fighters to believe the other has died. Anikan is so badly wounded he must get his Darth gear While Obi Wan fearing the Emperor getting his hands on the recently born twins seperates them. He takes Amidala and Leiah to Alderan to be protected. He Brings Luke to his Uncle on Tatooine. The final shots we see are the Emperor and the newly Christaned Darth Vader gloating over the death of the Republic after Palpatine has been crowned Emperor. The final shot Must be of a tired and lonely Ben Kenobi looking over his shoulder staring across the desert plains looking towards a better future as he quietly slips into his cave home where he will be a hermit for the next 20 or so years. End roll credits. You may have a few space battles or so in between and Show how Govenor Tarkin aiding in the fall of the republic and being rewarded with the title of Grand Moff. ---
**Author:** ![shamrock227](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@shamrock227](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shamrock227)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/15 "2003-06-06T14:42:10Z")
Fern beat me to the “nightmare” solution. We could start the film that Lucas is planning (doesn’t matter how crappy it is, because) halfway through Leia wakes up and realizes that she is still in the Ewok villiage. Chinese food too late can give you nightmares, maybe Ewok food can too. ---
**Author:** ![N9IWP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/n9iwp/32/3154_2.png) [@N9IWP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N9IWP)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/16 "2003-06-06T14:42:41Z")
OOOH! OOH! Nude, 6 armed Amidala kills Jar-Jar on a planet made of cheese! * * * After Anakin turns evil, Amidala is forced to be an exotic dancer\* in order to make the rent. Jar-Jar shows up at the strip club and gets a little too friendly. Amildala kills him. \*Other strippers include Mara Jade and that white skinned bounty hunter. Brian ---
**Author:** ![dil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f04885/32.png) [@dil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dil)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/17 "2003-06-06T15:21:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kingpengvin \* > \*\*Simple… Pull a Michael Corleone treatment on old Anikan… > > He becomes evil while trying to protect those he loves… Eventually his frustrations and failures lead him to more desperate and questionable actions. \*\* This sounds good, but I don’t think there are going to be enough opportunities for Anakin to kill off other characters while “protecting” those close to him to effectively pull this off. (not that that’s stopped Lucas before) Especially with all the other stuff that has to be covered in this movie. I expect that the fact that Anakin is married is going to become known in the Jedi Council and Anakin will become an outcast from the Jedi Order. Then he’ll have a little chat with Palpatine where Palps will tell him everything that’s wrong with the government and the Jedi. He also tell him that true power lies in the dark side of the force, and the Jedi have lied to him about the dark side to control his power. He says that if Anakin can channel his hatred and rage, it will make him the most powerful Jedi in history. Anakin, though we can see that he WANTS to believe Palps, makes the decision to be loyal to the Jedi code and rejects Palpatine’s offer. Then Padme gets kidnapped by Dooku. The Jedi forbid Anakin from getting involved because of his personal attachment. Anakin goes off and faces Dooku and finds he is overmatched… until he gets angry and starts channeling the dark side. Maybe he’ll even use the signature choke move to finish off Dooku. Now somehow the Jedi know that Anakin has gone dark. (maybe Obi-wan witnesses the showdown with Dooku) A team led by Mace Windu visits Anakin and tries to convince him to rejoin the Jedi order and turn away from the darkness. Anakin says, “You don’t realize the **power** of the dark side” and starts kicking Jedi butt. Mace is killed. Then the finale… the big Obi-wan confrontation, Palpatine saves Anakin from the (lava? maybe) and helps him into the Vader suit, which Anakin built. Vader is born. Obi-wan and pregnant Padme flee, the twins are born and separated. The end. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/18 "2003-06-06T15:31:13Z")
you know this should have been how EPII and III should have gone… Unfortunately it did not, and probably will not. Anikin should have been a good Character that turned to the dark side not because he was tricked or forced but out of his own failures. To be the tragic figure he must think he is doing right but bring ruin through his actions… ---
**Author:** ![McDeath\_the\_Mad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a3d4f5/32.png) [@McDeath\_the\_Mad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/McDeath_the_Mad)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/19 "2003-06-06T16:01:01Z")
I’ve been picturing a Scorsese type climax for episode III. Some classic rock song being played as Vader systematically whacks all the remaining jedi one-by-one! MtM ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036/20 "2003-06-06T16:05:17Z")
We talked about this subject in this thread: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=135923&highlight=mace+windu+lava](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=135923&highlight=mace+windu+lava) My take on Ep III is the third post down. There’s lots of lively discussion and some very good points made. Keep in mind that this thread was before the news of Chewbacca being included. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-make-star-wars-iii-spoilers/180036.md?page=2)