# How would you off yourself? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [January 6, 2001, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703 "2001-01-06T05:48:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![G.Nome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c89c15/32.png) [@G.Nome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.Nome)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/21 "2001-01-07T07:17:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > **I once had a theory of self drowning… “Just duck your head under water and take a nice deep breath.” However, I failed to take into account the automatic bodily spasms, so all I got was a coughing fit and no further desire to experiment.** If people can fill the kitchen sink up with water and use it to drown themselves why can’t they just stand in the middle of the room and hold their breath? What would be the difference? The easy drowning thing is surely a piece of cinematic bullshit that takes it place among other scriptwriting fantasies like: “when they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other” or “at least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil”. ---
**Author:** ![G.Nome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c89c15/32.png) [@G.Nome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.Nome)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/22 "2001-01-07T07:46:56Z")
And Spoofe Bo Diddly: Do you think you could masturbate yourself to death? Would it be possible to take a snuggly sleeping bag and some Southern Comfort into the mountains and (ignoring your hunger and thirst as much as possible) just enjoy yourself till you died? If you had aphrodisiacs maybe? ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/23 "2001-01-07T08:39:33Z")
I think it would be cool to arrange to have myself fired from a cannon over the San Francisco bay with fireworks strapped to my body so I’d explode in mid-air and give people some entertainment in the process. Not that I’ve thought about it much. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/24 "2001-01-07T10:37:10Z")
> [@](#): > > And Spoofe Bo Diddly: Do you think you could masturbate yourself to death? I dunno, but jeez, would it ever be worth it. “I have nothing left to live for, so I’m just gonna go whack off 'til I’m whacked.” ---
**Author:** ![slowhand53](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@slowhand53](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slowhand53)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/25 "2001-01-07T11:15:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by G. Nome \* > \*\*And Spoofe Bo Diddly: Do you think you could masturbate yourself to death? Would it be possible to take a snuggly sleeping bag and some Southern Comfort into the mountains and (ignoring your hunger and thirst as much as possible) just enjoy yourself till you died? If you had aphrodisiacs maybe? \*\* I thought Southern Comfort was an aphrodisiacs. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/26 "2001-01-07T11:59:42Z")
I would want to be fucked to death by Antonio Banderas, Alec Baldwin, and Antonio Sabato Jr. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/27 "2001-01-07T13:22:18Z")
First, I’d start doing many dangerous but exciting things (sky diving etc). You know, the things that you’d normally try but they might kill you so you won’t. After all, if you want to die, then “I could die” isn’t an excuse not to do those things. If that doesn’t kill me, then… Massive heroine overdose. At least three times the amount that would kill a man twice my size. ---
**Author:** ![zuma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9c0ed/32.png) [@zuma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zuma)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/28 "2001-01-07T13:39:08Z")
Although I can’t imagine ever doing it, save for escaping the misery at the end of a terminal illness, I’ve thought about and discussed this topic many times. While the drugged “going to sleep” thing seems comforting, my worry is that I’d spend too much time thinking/worrying while it was happening, and not be able to back out. I arrived at the conclusion that if in fact I ever chose to take my own life, it would have to be instant and irreversable. A blast to the head. The only objectionable part is the thought of the mess I’d leave, but the instantaneous aspect of it overrides that concern. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/29 "2001-01-07T14:21:29Z")
I’d drive to Tennessee the day of their next home game, doll myself up in the opponent’s colors, wait til the 4th quarter when all the fans are good and drunk, and yell loudly and repeatedly, “THE VOLS SUCK!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Tennessee\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f0a364/32.png) [@Tennessee\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tennessee_Ben)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/30 "2001-01-07T14:50:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PunditLisa \* > \*\*I’d drive to Tennessee the day of their next home game, doll myself up in the opponent’s colors, wait til the 4th quarter when all the fans are good and drunk, and yell loudly and repeatedly, “THE VOLS SUCK!!!” > > \*\* Yep. That would do it. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/31 "2001-01-07T20:33:40Z")
> [@](#): > > If people can fill the kitchen sink up with water and use it to drown themselves why can’t they just stand in the middle of the room and hold their breath? What would be the difference? You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath. Eventually, you’d pass out from lack of oxygen, and then the body’s automatic fucntions would take over, and you’d start breathing again. You’d have to cover your mouth and nose with something to ensure that your body couldn’t go on auto-pilot and start breathing again. > [@](#): > > Ahhh…but the beauty of slowly strangling at the end of several hundred feet of bungie cord from the Golden Gate bridge! Did I mention that this needs to be done on the west-facing side of the bridge just at sunset? Such splendor, particularly following such a spectacular event as the original dive. Hell with the Bungee cord then . . . just use a long piece of rope. Or attempt a swim to Alcatraz island. ---
**Author:** ![One\_Cell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e95f7d/32.png) [@One\_Cell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_Cell)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/32 "2001-01-07T22:01:32Z")
The whole issue of “guaranteed painless suicide” has been the core issue of the Hemlock Society ([www.hemlock.org](http://www.hemlock.org))since its inception in early 1980s. Prior to Derek Humphry, the founder of the Hemlock society, the issue was fully covered by Nicholas Reed in the UK. He founded EXIT, the Society for the Right to Die with Dignity, back in the 70s. In fact, Nicholas Reed wrote a book called “A Guide to Self Deliverance” for which he was imprisoned in the UK in 1980. Describing in detail the full-proof, practical, available-to-ordinary-citizens, and successfully-utilized-and-tested methods of painless, non-messy and happy suicide, the book is still banned both in the UK and the U.S. mainly due to severe opposition by the religious and medical communities (Yes Virginia, censorship is still alive and well in the land of the Free). A watered down version (no pun intended) of the book and accompanying video can be obtained [here](https://www.privatei.com/misc/hemlock/hemlock_shop.htm#books) ---
**Author:** ![G.Nome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c89c15/32.png) [@G.Nome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.Nome)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/33 "2001-01-07T23:05:08Z")
I have chosen treason, although I suppose I should have checked to see if that is still worthy of a quick bullet from a firing squad. I am saying nasty things about my country in a thread called “truthful accounts by tourists of foreign countries.” ---
**Author:** ![Piell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/34f0e0/32.png) [@Piell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Piell)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2001, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/34 "2001-01-08T03:00:16Z")
Something involving large explosions. And lots of innocent bystanders, probably ---
**Author:** ![kirk280980](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c77e96/32.png) [@kirk280980](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kirk280980)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2001, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/35 "2001-01-08T03:24:23Z")
One guy in England suffocated himself by wrapping himself up in a giant plastic bag and sucking out the air with a vacuum cleaner hose. Never mind the fact that it wasn’t intentional (he was actually taking part in a solo kinky sex game), but I guess the same method could easily be used for suicide. Original, and it stops you breathing even after you faint. ---
**Author:** ![absoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@absoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/absoul)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2001, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/36 "2001-01-08T04:41:57Z")
If I were truly willing to give up my life, I would plan a very high stakes robbery. Perhaps a bank. If the attempt failed I would go out in a hail of bullets. If it were successful well… how many millionares attempt suicide on tropical islands? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2001, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/37 "2001-01-08T07:25:56Z")
THE END-ALL, BE-ALL SUICIDE ATTEMPT: Go to a cliff with ocean and/or man-eating flounders (or sharks, if flounders are in short supply). Bring with you a can of gasoline, a match, a gun, some rope, some rat poison, a long hose w/mask attached to one end, a Britney Spears CD and CD player w/headphones. Tie the rope into a noose, then attach it to some stationary object at the top. Attach the hose to your car’s exhaust pipe (leave the car running) and the mask to your face. Put the noose around your neck. Swallow the rat poison. Put the headphones on and start the Britney Spears CD. Douse yourself in gasoline. Jump off the cliff just as you light yourself. As you fall, put the gun to your head, and fire just as the rope goes taut, but angle it so the bullet hits the rope and snaps it. Thusly, you’ll plummet into the water with the man-eating flounders (or sharks). And if that doesn’t kill you, the Britney Spears’ CD certainly would. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2001, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/38 "2001-01-08T09:01:06Z")
First, I would take a non-lethal amount of narcotics to dull pain and relax me. Then I would take a syringe full of air and inject it into a vein in my arm. Painful, but reliable and quick.(death would come about 1 minute after injection) ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/39 "2001-01-09T00:00:55Z")
I have never even thought about a ‘quick way to end it all’. But if I had to, I’d eat too much unhealthy food, drink too much Congac and Vodka, smoke everything, and party like it’s 1999. The alcohol, smoke and rare steaks will surely kill anyman. Not quick, but at least if it don’t kill ya, you don’t regret living. ---
**Author:** ![Demise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/34f0e0/32.png) [@Demise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demise)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703/40 "2001-01-09T00:31:32Z")
How about taking between 7000 and 10,000 miligrams of Tylenol? Between 28 and 40 capsules should do the trick. That will be sure to kill you. No unwanted resuscitations, no vegetable-like state, just good ole’ death. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-off-yourself/48703.md?page=3)