# How would you write a Captain America movie? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 27, 2006, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427 "2006-08-27T17:49:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/61 "2006-08-29T15:47:40Z")
Look, a movie poster of Captain America punching George Bush in the jaw–like he used to punch Hitler on the old 40s comic book covers–just isn’t going to fly. You know it, I know it, the American people know it. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/62 "2006-08-29T16:19:30Z")
We need a movie that will sell. Ergo, Captain America needs to be a mutant. A mutant with web-slinging powers. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/63 "2006-08-29T18:35:00Z")
[QUOTE=JThunder] We need a movie that will sell. Ergo, Captain America needs to be a mutant. A mutant with web-slinging powers. [/QUOTE] … that turns into a big green CGI monster. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/64 "2006-08-29T19:03:51Z")
[QUOTE=Hey you!] … that turns into a big green CGI monster. [/QUOTE] No, he said a movie that will _sell tickets_. ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/65 "2006-08-29T20:18:21Z")
[QUOTE=BMalion] No, he said a movie that will _sell tickets_. [/QUOTE] Then it’s quite obvious what needs to be done…Captain America and his Freedom Pirates of the Carribean! Starring Johnny Depp of course. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/66 "2006-08-29T22:29:47Z")
Plus he should enroll at Hogwarths and have a quest to rid himself of a golden ring! ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/67 "2006-08-29T23:27:49Z")
[QUOTE=D\_Odds] Plus he should enroll at Hogwarths and have a quest to rid himself of a golden ring! [/QUOTE] …on a Ocean Liner, that hits an Iceberg! BRILLIANT! ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/68 "2006-08-29T23:38:09Z")
So, we’ve got Johnny Depp onboard as Cap, Chris Tucker as Bucky, and Natalie Portman as the love interest. Kevin Spacey as Red Skull, natch. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/69 "2006-08-30T00:05:28Z")
[QUOTE=Lemur866] Chris Tucker as Bucky [/QUOTE] Given the political minefield of having a black person named “Bucky”, it’d probably be safer to just name Chris’ character [Battlestar](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_Star_%28comics%29#Bucky) instead. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/70 "2006-08-30T00:29:16Z")
Post that link for someone who didn’t read Captain American during the 80s. Captain America needs a streetwise sidekick. Chris Tucker is proactive, and totally in my face! I love it! He brings in the…urban…demographic, and he’s so articulate! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/71 "2006-08-30T00:45:10Z")
[QUOTE=RikWriter] Then it’s quite obvious what needs to be done…Captain America and his Freedom Pirates of the Carribean! Starring Johnny Depp of course. 😃 [/QUOTE] Hitler: I will destroy America! Depp: That’s _Captain_ America, thank you. And you’re out of rum. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/72 "2006-08-30T01:33:57Z")
[QUOTE=Lemur866] Look, a movie poster of Captain America punching George Bush in the jaw–like he used to punch Hitler on the old 40s comic book covers–just isn’t going to fly. You know it, I know it, the American people know it. [/QUOTE] Besides, the Savage Dragon got there first [(Issue 119: “BushWhacked!”)](http://www.comixfan.com/xfan/images/previews/image/1004/SD119_ad_art_clip.jpg)😃 ---
**Author:** ![figure9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/73 "2006-09-04T23:07:06Z")
While the plot is important, so is the charactor. He needs to be more than the 2-Dimensional comic charactor. He needs dreams, hopes, fears, weaknesses and strengths. He needs to fail and try again. He needs to make gut wrenching decisions. Does he save his true love from the Red Skull or does he save a British division from a secret death ray? To show his humanity he needs to die. By the way I saw a Hollywood version of Captain America on some show that runs really old bad movies (Son of Svengoolie?). I don’t know how to find it. But it shows just how bad a Captain America movie can be. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/74 "2006-09-05T13:20:22Z")
I think that Cap should ride a motorcycle and have a patriotically colored motorcycle helmet. That’s a blockbuster recipe right there! ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/75 "2006-09-05T16:34:59Z")
[QUOTE=Harborwolf] Can I call you silly for shoehorning your political views into a Cafe Society thread or wanting to turn a movie based on a comic book into a political screed? Personally, I think the fish out of water approach with a defrosted Cap would make a good movie. It’d certainly make a good launching point for the audience to understand the character better. Before the credits, I’d go with an movie reel style News From the Front showing Captain America in his first action vs. the nazis. Opening credits could run over a montage of newspaper headlines with the final page being “Cap Lost!!” or something to that effect. Fade into a Caps eye view of his last few prefrozen moments: the plane, Bucky, the explosion, and hitting the water. Next scene I’d go with Cap waking up in the government hospital/lab and doing a little kick ass on the guards similar to when he was revived by the Avengers. He escapes and manages to run out of the building to face our modern life. He’s briefly stunned by what he sees and this allows a government agent (Sharon Carter) to catch up and take him back inside for all of the frosty details of how he came to be where he is. Not sure where to go from there. I think a little fish out of water is justified but it shouldn’t be overdone. I think a nazi style terrorist group headed by Red Skull or Zemo would make for a good villain to the piece. I’d make the super soldier program the main point with the big bad either powered by or trying to recreate it. This would allow for the inclusion of Isaiah Bradley to give more detail on the super soldier program itself. [/QUOTE] This is a brilliant start! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/76 "2006-09-06T18:23:19Z")
[QUOTE=JThunder] I think that Cap should ride a motorcycle and have a patriotically colored motorcycle helmet. That’s a blockbuster recipe right there! [/QUOTE] Better still, he should lead a **team** of super-specialists who pilot hi-tech airplanes and submarines with stars-and-stripes paint jobs! And – here’s the kicker – we revive a forgotten TV entertainment tradition from the early '60 – all the characters, including Cap himself, are **puppets!** 🙂 Let’s see . . . what’s a good name for Captain America’s team? ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/77 "2006-09-06T18:27:23Z")
**BrainGlutton** ’s post has just awakened me to the obvious. If we want to have a Captain America movie done right, it should be done with Muppets. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/78 "2006-09-06T19:16:17Z")
No, it should be “Clutch Cargoe” style. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/79 "2006-09-06T23:16:40Z")
I say Balinese Shadow Theater is the way to go. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427/80 "2006-09-06T23:26:45Z")
Mimes! _MIMES!!!_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-would-you-write-a-captain-america-movie/370427.md?page=5)