# HP Question: What Would Your Patronus Be? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 24, 2007, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785 "2007-08-24T17:17:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2007, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/81 "2007-08-26T05:28:36Z")
Polar bear. Big assed carnivore, and easy to see in the dark, too. Tris ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2007, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/82 "2007-08-26T06:37:28Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] That joke was made in [post 6](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=8913651&postcount=6). However, I agree, those things never died. Should work pretty well. Jim [/QUOTE] Okay then, I choose Darth Vader as my Patronus, Vader from the OT, not the wussified Anikan Vader from the last prequel ---
**Author:** ![aclubs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@aclubs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aclubs)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2007, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/83 "2007-08-26T17:25:07Z")
Now that I think about it, probably an owl. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2007, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/84 "2007-08-26T19:08:02Z")
Moose. They’re just such big, gangly, goofy animals and definitely Typo’s and my favorite non-pet critter. We have a number of stuffed mooses (moosi? meese?) around the house. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2007, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/85 "2007-08-26T21:50:57Z")
Cthulhu. Oh wait, that’s HP…_Lovecraft_. And when I think about it, he might tend to ruin the entire “think happy thoughts” part of the Patronus. You know, summon your Patronus, be terrified, lose the Patronus… ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/86 "2007-08-27T02:06:23Z")
Mine would be a Stobor. ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/87 "2007-08-27T02:57:16Z")
[QUOTE=Chimera] Cthulhu. Oh wait, that’s HP…_Lovecraft_. And when I think about it, he might tend to ruin the entire “think happy thoughts” part of the Patronus. You know, summon your Patronus, be terrified, lose the Patronus… [/QUOTE] So, do evil wizards have a patronus? Maybe their happy thoughts are torturing their victims and their patroni reflect it? ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/88 "2007-08-27T03:19:58Z")
[QUOTE=Astroboy14] Mine would be a Stobor. [/QUOTE] In other words, it wouldn’t exist? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/89 "2007-08-27T03:32:22Z")
A shark with a frickin’ laser beam on its head. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/90 "2007-08-27T10:01:37Z")
Mine would be a grizzly. My name is Bernard, meaning “bold as a bear”. Either that or Trogdor the Burninator. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/91 "2007-08-27T13:23:50Z")
[QUOTE=Uzi] So, do evil wizards have a patronus? Maybe their happy thoughts are torturing their victims and their patroni reflect it? [/QUOTE] According to Rowling, no, Death Eaters, with the exception of Snape, do not have Patronuses. Not because they can’t, but because they don’t need them: > [@](#): > > Samantha: Was snape the only death eater who could produce a full patronus > > J.K. Rowling: Yes, because a Patronus is used against things that the Death Eaters generally generate, or fight alongside. They would not need Patronuses. > > -from a chat transcript available [here](http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org/2007/7/30/j-k-rowling-web-chat-transcript) It seems that other “nasty” wizards can use the Patronus, as we see when Dolores Umbridge summons her Patronus to stand guard against the Dementors at the Mudblood trials. She’s not a Death Eater, however. So I guess it depends on how you define “evil”. Rowling separated the ranks at Death Eater or not. But really in the end, what does she know about it? She’s only the author. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/92 "2007-08-27T13:35:46Z")
To match my already chosen theme song to the comedy that is my life, it would have to be a baby elephant. ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/93 "2007-08-27T13:38:22Z")
Somebody beat me to the Tasmanian devil, so I’d guess I’d go American with a wolverine. Small-w type, not stocky Canadian guy type. The only pets I’ve owned are turtles and catfish. Maybe one of those giant Southern catfish that could whip Dementors with their whiskers. As for turtles, maybe snapping or giant sea turtles would be cool. My 3-inch painted ones from the 70s, nah–the only thing they could do was maybe give you salmonella, which is why they were banned. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/94 "2007-08-27T15:33:08Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] I know what you _meant_, but I keep reading this as “some kind of bird: a hawk or an elephant.” Then I imagine a very startled looking elephant sprouting feathers and trumpeting… 😃 [/QUOTE] You think the elephant would be the only one startled? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/95 "2007-08-27T17:08:35Z")
> [@](#): > > In other words, it wouldn’t exist? What do you mean? You built all these traps for them, didn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/96 "2007-08-27T19:42:45Z")
I suspect my totem animal is a hedgehog. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/97 "2007-08-27T19:46:37Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] So I guess it depends on how you define “evil”. Rowling separated the ranks at Death Eater or not. But really in the end, what does she know about it? She’s only the author. 😉 [/QUOTE] I tried explaining this to a friend who asked if Umbridge was good or bad when she was part of the way through OOTP. She was looking for a simple answer, but when you think about it, it’s hard to class her as one or the other. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/98 "2007-08-27T20:10:39Z")
[QUOTE=Antinor01] I tried explaining this to a friend who asked if Umbridge was good or bad when she was part of the way through OOTP. She was looking for a simple answer, but when you think about it, it’s hard to class her as one or the other. [/QUOTE] I think Umbridge is pretty much evil, or at least cruel and heartless. She can be evil and nevertheless oppose Voldemort. Stalin fought Hitler, after all. Didn’t Rowling actually say something to this effect? “The world isn’t divided into good people and death eaters”, or something like that? It might have been in reference to Snape rather than Umbridge, though. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/99 "2007-08-27T20:12:04Z")
With regard to the original question, after intense soul searching I’m leaning heavily towards some sort of flying hippopotamus. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hp-question-what-would-your-patronus-be/416785/100 "2007-08-27T20:23:33Z")
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