Was this job at an organization affiliated with a particular religious denomination?
A story from the HR guy who did the orientation at the place where I currently work (call center):
A woman is at her workstation, yelling into the phone, “Hello, Customer! Can you hear me?” repeatedly. Headset mic is pushed up onto the top of her head, and the phone is in “wrap” (wrapping up notes, etc., not taking calls, no customer on phone). Supervisor walks over to find out WTH, and is nearly knocked over by the alcohol smell. Employee is driven to hospital for breath and blood tests which, of course, she fails miserably. Two bottles of liquid on her desk turn out to be 1.) Diet Pepsi, and 2.) a sports bottle FULL of vodka. She is told she no longer works there and is driven home. So far, all in a day’s work, right?
Nope.
She comes into work the next day, as she cannot recall being fired. They have to fire her AGAIN! :eek:
Paraphenalia? What kind of paraphenalia?
When I was working at KrapMart, there was this one kid who was hired at the same time I was. He was about, oh, sixteen or seventeen and a total spaz. Well, he was working in the garden department and a customer went out the door and the alarm went off. This is routine-half the time we haven’t been able to deactivate the tags, or sometimes people had cell phones or something that would set them off. Standard procedure is to pleasantly ask to see his packages and receipt, and just say, ‘OOps, we must not have fixed that!’
Not this kid. He jumps up, screams, “STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW!!!” Then he proceeds to go over and FRISK the man, telling him that he had to pat him down, and check make sure the customer didn’t steal anything. I believe the customer filed a lawsuit.
Amazingly…he wasn’t fired for that stunt. He worked there for a little while longer before he quit. Unbelievable.
I don’t know what it’s called - an artificial vagina? I guess it’s the female equivalent of a dildo.
Also some porno magazines.
Sounds like he wanted to be caught.
Did he at least rinse out the synthetic vagina?
Pocket pussy.
Haj
No, I think he’s just an idiot. My guess is that he didn’t want to spoil the “afterglow” by packing up right away and then forgot to go back and do it before leaving work.
I don’t know. And I never want to know.
[QUOTE=Guinastasia]
Not this kid. He jumps up, screams, “STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW!!!” Then he proceeds to go over and FRISK the man, telling him that he had to pat him down, and check make sure the customer didn’t steal anything. I believe the customer filed a lawsuit.
[QUOTE]
I chortle.
Very good response, ArchMichael
Snakescatlady, should I be parsing your username as “Snakes cat lady” or “Snake scat lady”?
Ah. For some reason, I was thinking he had left a used synthvag in a public area like a lavatory or something.
What makes you think that wasn’t what happened?
I guess I was thinking that nobody would be so stupid as to leave a semen-filled masturbatory aid in a public area in their workplace, intending to go pick it up after work, and not expect anybody to notice. Maybe I’m just giving him too much credit.
Thank you much.
I just hope I clarified it sufficiently
Izzybella and Walloon,
In re the religion questions during my job interview, this happened 24 years ago and the organization is a large industrial technical manufacturing company with no religious function.
The interviews started at 9:00, and they kept thinking of other people they’d like me to talk to, and sent me driving back and forth between two different plants a couple miles apart. At 6:00 that evening, I finally said I was sorry, but I really had to leave because I was an hour late to pick my girlfriend up from work in our shared car. I didn’t even get lunch (I don’t mean free lunch, I mean time to eat anything at all).
two wierd and one sad from me:
I’m a Web Developer but due to the peculiar way the smallish British Government Department i used to work for was set up, i was actually part of the HR department. That meant that whilst i was ostensibly a techie, i also recieved all their mandatory HR training (which I soon very grateful for) and got occasionally involved in that area.
As a bit of essential background, its worth knowing that at the time (and to a great degree still) the Civil Service was tied into a clear grade and pay structure - i.e to earn X salary you had to be of X rank. As a result, in order to pay me the right salary, they effectively had to give me a certain grade/rank that was artifically high.
Normally this didn’t matter, but most of the senior staff worked from home on a Friday, so all it needed would be for the few remaining faces to be off ill or at conferences and i’d suddenly find myself nominally the most senior member of staff “on site” for several of the teams within the division and (on two occasions) for the HR division itself (not bad for a 24 year old :D). No one was particularly concerned by this (including myself) as the Senior Managers trusted me, and if anything serious happened it could always be escalated up to one of the Directors.
Off the top of my head, a couple of wierd occasions:
The lunch time drunk - I had to talk a female employee who’d got loaded up at lunchtime out from under her desk. In a fit of unparalleled drunken logic she’d decided that if she hid under there until 5pm, then no one would know she was drunk:
“Pat, can you come out from under the desk please?”
“No. I’m looking for something.”
“Pat, you’ve been there for an hour now.”
“I’M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING OKAY?? I’M NOT DRUNK!”
etc.
Thank God for Crisis Management training 
The Fight - two women had a fight in the office. It was nothing serious, but i had to do the compulsory talk with both of them.
Turns out the fight had started because they both wanted to be the one who got to ring up the slimy, evil Director that no one liked and tell him that he’d forgotten to pay off the Porn Channel Bills at a Hotel he’d been staying at (and as a result the Department had been invoiced for them).
And a sad one:
Two days after having the pleasure of telling him that he’d been promoted, I had to tell my best friend (who worked in the same division) that not only was he not being promoted, but that the Department was going to have to let him go - the government had rejected his request for an extension to his work visa, and he would have to return to Zimbabwe.
I remember him just looking at me then smiling sadly and letting out a quiet chuckle.
I asked him if he was angry (because i definitely was). His reply is burnt into my mind:
“I’m not angry. When i was in Zimbabwe the government ruined my life, now this government has done the same. I’m not angry. I’m used to it.”
Worst and hardest thing i’ve ever had to do. 
I worked at a TV station in Charleston, SC, several years ago. One day I come in and my boss is busily scurrying between her office and the general manager’s, closing the door importantly each time.
She finally calls me in, and tells me that two of our employees had gotten into a fistfight in the building the night before, that they were both fired, and I need to call a locksmith and the security company and get codes changed, locks changed, etc.
I was shocked and floored, and expressed my dismay. She looked at me and said,
“You already knew about this, didn’t you?”
I assured her it was news to me, and got busy on my phones calls.
It finally occurred to me much later that she thought I had faked my reaction. She was a micromanaging bitch full of her own self-importance, and I think she was intimidated because of the length of time I had worked there. To this day I honestly don’t know why she asked that question. She must have thought I’d heard the gossip from another co-worker I was very chummy with, whom she also didn’t like and tried to catch him on his hours worked until the GM told her to back off. She told me that since he was higher in the company hierachy than I was (although we didn’t work in the same department) that our frequent lunches could be construed the wrong way.
Never been in HR, though I practiced labor and employment law for a couple of years. But My best stories come from working at Legal Aid, where I handled unemployment appeals. This is a favorite.
Kid works at beer distributor’s warehouse. Boss is “called in” because the kid is drunk and unruly. The kid works the night shift. Boss claims kid is drunk and sends the kid to the lab the company uses for such things to be tested. He sends the kid at 4 am. The lab doesn’t open until 9. Kid passes the test, only to learn that the boss fired him at 5 am.
At the hearing I had the pleasure of cross-examining the boss. It went a little something like this:
“Why did you fire him?”
“He was drunk”
“Not according to the test that you ordered him to take, he wasn’t”
“Of course not, that was hours later.”
“Why did you send him there then?”
“Er. I dunno.”
“Aren’t you just making all of this up?”
“No.”
“How do you know he was drunk?”
“He smelled like beer”
“What does he do at the plant?”
“He loads beer onto trucks”
“What does beer smell like?”
“Er…”
“Did you have any other reason to believe that he was drunk?”
“When I got there, he was passed out on top of a pallet of beer. I couldn’t wake him up. He was out for 20 minutes.”
“Says in your report that he was belligerent when you got there. And get this: It doesn’t say anything about him being passed out. How do you explain that?”
“Er. I forgot?”
“So you told him to go get tested and then you turned around and fired him?”
“Yes.”
“Did you pay him for the time he spent going to the lab?”
At which point the hearing officer made me stop.
I wonder if anyone with this condition has ever tried to claim it as a disability. Just curious.
“Snakes” = Columbus Cottonmouths, 2004-05 Southern Professional Hockey League Champions.
“Cat” = I am owned by 8 cats and work in feral cat rescue and TNR.
“Lady” = Well, I try. Just don’t look at my hands.
I also answer to SCL.