# Huh. For the first time, my dad told me (out loud!) that he loved me. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 6, 2012, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/huh-for-the-first-time-my-dad-told-me-out-loud-that-he-loved-me/624234 "2012-06-06T03:25:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![GameHat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ed655f/32.png) [@GameHat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GameHat)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/huh-for-the-first-time-my-dad-told-me-out-loud-that-he-loved-me/624234/1 "2012-06-06T03:25:06Z")
…not that I ever doubted it. He’s been a great father my whole life, but he’s just always been really uncomfortable and awkward with “feelings” and such. It never bothered me - I’m a guy (hell, a man, by now), and I get how some guys just aren’t comfortable discussing this stuff. And he was always affectionate to me as a kid, but the mushiest he ever got was, “You’re a great guy, GameHat! _friendly punch on the shoulder_” So last weekend, after a long phone call (nothing emotional, just catching up on random family news) he ends the call. “Well, see ya. I love you, GameHat.” I nearly fell out of my chair. Not that I didn’t appreciate it. And I’ve never had trouble saying, “I love you, Dad”. So I did so again. But it was nice, though a little startling. Maybe the old man is getting a bit soft in his old age? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/huh-for-the-first-time-my-dad-told-me-out-loud-that-he-loved-me/624234/2 "2012-06-06T04:41:36Z")
> [@GameHat](#): > > Maybe the old man is getting a bit soft in his old age? 😃 The only time my father expressed any positive feeling toward me was about a year before his death, when he had fairly severe Alzheimer’s. Totally out of the blue, he said “I love you.” To this day I have no idea whether he knew what he was saying, or who he was saying it to. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/huh-for-the-first-time-my-dad-told-me-out-loud-that-he-loved-me/624234/3 "2012-06-06T05:18:42Z")
Panache45, I’m sorry, that has to feel weird. I’ve noticed my own dad getting more…emotional, I guess…as he’s gotten older. He’s only 73, and 100% ‘all there’, still renovating houses and boats and cars and anything else within reach. He didn’t start ending phone calls with ‘I love you’ until the last 5 or 6 years, either; it’s nice. I feel like I’ve watched my dad ‘grow up’ over the last 3 decades. :p:p ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/huh-for-the-first-time-my-dad-told-me-out-loud-that-he-loved-me/624234/4 "2012-06-06T13:47:02Z")
Good for you. (I mean that sincerely) My dad’s in his 70’s and I’m in my 40’s, and we’ve never said those words to each other. Or at least, not since I was about 2 years old, I guess. I know he loves me, but he has always expressed his love through giving gifts of cash. Don’t get me wrong- it’s been nice, but clearly we both have some issues with expressing emotion to each other. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/huh-for-the-first-time-my-dad-told-me-out-loud-that-he-loved-me/624234/5 "2012-06-06T15:11:00Z")
From [here](http://www.femininezone.com/articles.php?a=read&aid=191): > [@](#): > > Older men produce more estrogen and have higher levels of estrogen in our brains than postmenopausal women do. As we age there is a hormonal dance going on in our brains that changes how we look, how we relate, and even the power balance in the world. > > As I’ve gotten older I knew something was changing in the way my brain operated, but I never thought I’d find that it was becoming more dominated by my estrogen. I have noticed that I was enjoying “chick” flicks more than I used to and action movies seemed, well…violent. Babies fascinated me more than ever before and I’ve felt more homey lately. What I’m learning about hormones is making these strange behaviors more comprehensible. > > Here’s how it works. As women age, their estrogen levels decrease and the ratio of testosterone to estrogen increases. The way I see it, women become more “testy.” For men, the reverse is true. As our testosterone levels drop, the ratio of estrogen to testosterone increases. The effect is that men become for “esty.” > > So, what are these hormones that influence us in such profound ways? The word estrogen is derived from the words estrus (sexual excitement, receptivity, heat) and generate. Estrogens are a group of steroid compounds that function as the primary female sex hormone. > > Testosterone is a steroid hormone from the androgen group. Testosterone is secreted in the testes of men and the ovaries of women. > > Theresa L. Crenshaw, M.D., author of The Alchemy of Love and Lust describes them this way: > > Estrogen is the Marilyn Monroe in you. It is responsible for a certain softness, both physically and emotionally. With estrogen flowing, a person welcomes you into their arms. It governs the receptive sex drive and makes you acquiesce to the dominant drive of testosterone. > > Testosterone is the young Marlon Brando—sexual, sensual, alluring, dark, with a dangerous undertone. Testosterone is responsible for our aggressive sex drive. It makes you want to pursue, initiate, dominate. > > As we age men are taking on many of the characteristics of Marilyn and women are taking on more of the characteristics of Marlon. Guys become more sensitive, emotional, and gentle, while women are becoming more assertive, dominant, and powerful. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/huh-for-the-first-time-my-dad-told-me-out-loud-that-he-loved-me/624234/6 "2012-06-06T15:15:01Z")
> [@GameHat](#): > > …not that I ever doubted it. He’s been a great father my whole life, but he’s just always been really uncomfortable and awkward with “feelings” and such. It never bothered me - I’m a guy (hell, a man, by now), and I get how some guys just aren’t comfortable discussing this stuff. And he was always affectionate to me as a kid, but the mushiest he ever got was, “You’re a great guy, GameHat! _friendly punch on the shoulder_” > > So last weekend, after a long phone call (nothing emotional, just catching up on random family news) he ends the call. “Well, see ya. I love you, GameHat.” > > I nearly fell out of my chair. > > Not that I didn’t appreciate it. And I’ve never had trouble saying, “I love you, Dad”. So I did so again. But it was nice, though a little startling. > > Maybe the old man is getting a bit soft in his old age? 😃 Similar story about my dad…he was fine when I was growing up (I thought he was, anyway). But he never said ‘I love you’. Probably as a result, I never got in the habit of saying it to my parents. Well he went through some stuff several years ago, and one thing he started doing was saying it. Fine…but then he was expecting me to say it back. This was on top of telling me how hard he was on me and how he wasn’t a very good dad etc. Well, number one just because you’ve had some a ‘revelation’ of some sort, don’t expect me to be on board. I didn’t know any better. And two, don’t expect me to start doing something I’m conditioned not to do, but because you feel like it all of a sudden. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/huh-for-the-first-time-my-dad-told-me-out-loud-that-he-loved-me/624234/7 "2012-06-06T15:25:46Z")
**Maastricht** , that might explain a LOT. 😛 I’ve always had a notion that body style/body fat percentage affected how your hormones affected YOU, as in bigger women were more estro-genic, so to speak, skinnier women not AS much. My dad’s always been skinny as a RAIL so I imagine even a little bit of estrogen surge might explain why he suddenly took up cooking, though he’s always had a garden. Or maybe why he suddenly started calling me just…to say hi! And we GAB LIKE OLD LADIES!!! \*\* I love it 🙂 \*\*I fully realize and understand that a negative medical diagnoses could explain all of that, too. I prefer thinking that my dad is becoming human. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/huh-for-the-first-time-my-dad-told-me-out-loud-that-he-loved-me/624234/8 "2012-06-06T18:03:54Z")
My dad’s gotten more verbal and expressive as he ages too. I’d been blaming the grandchildren (I do think people are more open with their grandkids than their kids, and after a while the behaviors rub off on interactions with the kids) but I can also believe changes in hormones and a greater awareness of your own mortality could be having an effect as well. :: shrug :: whatever, enjoy the new dad! ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/huh-for-the-first-time-my-dad-told-me-out-loud-that-he-loved-me/624234/9 "2012-06-07T21:23:34Z")
I’ll never forget the day my husbad told my son that he loved him - and the day my son told my husband that he loved him too. Shoot. Now you got me all teary.