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So whos a Hulkamaniac?

Come on, Admit it!
You were once a child wearing the red and yellow, chanting his name at the TV on saturday mornings, just waiting for him to be beaten to a pulp… then it began.
The Hulking up, the big boot and leg drop for the 1,2,3.

I am the Official Hulkamaniac of The Straightdope Message Board.

Hulkamaniac #1 - Hulkamania.

“red and yellow” ?

Oh, Hulk Hogan

Hulk is tired of bald performer with unoriginal name and loud mouth.
Hulk Smash!

I love the big green dude.

If only we could get this scene included in the upcoming movie…


I prefer watching wrestlers who a) don’t look like my grandfather, b) don’t paint their faces black, and c) I don’t have to worry about them snapping a hip mid-match.
Although, I would mark out like a little bitch if I saw Hogan :

Give Billy Gunn a 'rana through a table (thanks TwistofFate)

Take four straight Van Daminators/Van Terminators

Do a Foley-style dive off the top of the Hell in the Cell

Take a Pedigree on a flaming, tack covered table

hulk hogan is the most inept, least technically accomplished, most buffoon-like roid-head wrestler ever. wrestling died the day hulk beat the iron sheik for the title.

bob backlund will always be the people’s champion.

i have spoken.

recent events have confirmed that the majority of wrestling fans will swallow gladly whatever Vince throws at them.

Hulk Hogan is more damaging to wrestling than he beneficial. He is the freaking King of NO SELL, as evidenced by his winning the title. he will refuse to drop lightly or cleanly.

Hogan sucks. he sucks, he sucks. He has sucked since the worst bodyslam in history against Andre the Giant.

He sucks.


Him and Taker could fight for that title. They both like to hold down up and comers. Hogan held down Billy Kidman in WCW, Taker pretty much every young star in WWF/E.

He sucks more than a Terri/Stephanie match, more than a Billy Gunn promo, more than Kennel in the Cell.

I am the Terry Bollea of coding. :frowning:

He ran for Congress in my CD in 2000. Got a whopping 28% of the vote, 17 points worse than the last Republican who ran here. For the record, he was running against an incumbent instead of for an open seat that time, but it was quite embarassing nevertheless.

So, this isn’t about the upcoming Hulk movie?


All you bitches be frontin’!

Hulk is the most important wrestler…well… ever.

No one can argue that the guy wasn’t the life line of the business for 15 years.

He also held down any number of other wrestlers so he could keep himself in the spotlight. He helped bring wrestling into the mainstream, but he’s beaten his dead horse of a gimmick so much you could spread it on toast.

You know why he Hulks Up so easily nowadays? Because his arthritic body can’t take a bump. A bodyslam would kill him.

I respect what he did for the business, but his backstage politics cancel out whatever positive things I might have thought of him when I was a young mark.

The guy is an ass, and I hope he gets retired soon.
(Scott Kurtz, of, said it best:Hogan is at his best in short matches beating up Big Fat Heels. He has no business maineventing. He can’t keep up the pace. He can’t even PRETEND anymore.)

Virtually every Hogan WWF match in the 80’s followed the same formula:

  1. Hogan and heel opponent tussle back and forth a bit at the start, but Hogan soon gains the upper hand by virtue of his naturally superior skills :rolleyes: and strength.

  2. The heel opponent cheats and gets the upper hand, then beats Hogan to virtual unconsicousness.

  3. At the point where Hogan seems just about finished, he mysteriously gets a second wind, acts like the opponent’s blows no longer have any effect. Hogan soon begins shaking his arms, convulsing spastically, and generally spazzing out.

  4. Hogan then dazzles the crowd with a minute or two of his amazing wrestling maneuvers: a punch, a kick, a back scratch, maybe a body slam, ultimately building up to the leg drop.

  5. 1-2-3 pin, the crowd goes wild, Hogan does a bunch of muscle flexing poses while “Real American” plays as background music.

I heard the WWF/E is going to bring in La Parka to fight Hogan in the cage at SummerSlam.

Oh yeah!!! Chairman of the board!!! :slight_smile:

I would definitely mark out if Randy Savage walks into a WWE set and brag about how Spider-Man is soundly defeating The Scorpion King in box office receipts.

Scott Keith, sweetie :slight_smile:
My hero and the wrestling writer I want to be when I grow up.

To quote the master…

The SmarK RAW Rant - May 6 2002
Posted By Scott Keith on 05.07.02
The SmarK RAW Rant – May 6 2002

  • Hogan brings Taker’s bike out, and JR & King once again stress how very popular and over Hogan is. Hogan makes veiled threats towards UT’s bike and calls him out. Taker comes out to respond, full of bluster, but Hogan returns that bitch card. And then we truly tap the potential of Sports Entertainment at it’s finest, as Hogan threatens to chase UT with the bike…and it stalls out. BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Truly if you want a metaphor for today’s Hulkamania, there it is. He can’t figure out how to get it started again, so they desperately cut to JR & King, who spend about 30 seconds summarizing the situation while trying hard not to break into laughter, and finally we cut back to Hogan, who is slowly driving up the ramp as though he’d been doing that all along and it just took a REALLY long time to make it there. And they cut to a pre-taped segment next of Hogan riding the bike backstage, which is why he had to make it up the stage instead of just getting off and following on foot like a normal person. And indeed Hogan drives around at like 2 MPH backstage, thus completely defeating the purpose of riding a bike around in the first place, and he can’t find Undertaker anywhere. What a payoff! But wait, it gets better! Hogan finds a conveniently-parked semi-trailer (because, you know, they just happened to have one parked in the back with the keys in the ignition) and starts yelling to Undertaker about how he’ll destroy the bike if he doesn’t show…and they cut to a commercial, as though people are actually sitting on the edge of their seats waiting to find out if the bike gets run over! I’m HOWLING with laughter watching this shit! This is better than Evening at the Improv for comedy value. And this is actually supposed to make people buy the PPV! Will the Titan Bike survive the commercial break? FIND OUT IN TWO MINUTES!

As of now the main event for Judgement Day ** IS ** Hogan vs Taker. Worst. Main Event. Ever. If they go through with it, which I cant possibly see them doing. HHH, Angle, Jericho or somebody else has got to be in that match. HHH and Jericho have a Hell in the Cell match. Angle and Edge are having the loser gets shaved match. What are they gonna do brotha, when takerand the hulkster bore the living shit out of everybody to end a PPV? Is Goldberg gonna run in? Is Kane gonna run in? At least the undercard is kinda strong, even if 2 of the matches are replays from last month with added stipulations. The WWE(Get F out is at least sorta clever) is going down hill fast. They need to get rid of most of the old guys and push the hell out of the current mid carders. They’ve lost the Rock for the most part. Hogan, Taker and Stone Cold aint gonna be around in a year. The fans dont buy Jericho as a main eventer (mainly because he had a month long fued with Steph and a dog). Edge is liked well enough, but nobody would believe it would be an even match with HHH. Who is left at or near the top? Angle, Kane, Big Show, HHH,??? with Jericho, Edge, RVD, BookerT, Eddie and maybe Bradshaw(blech) to be the really high mid carders/really low high carders. I dont see your typical Mark buying that. I could be wrong I guess. O crap that was a big hijack, sorry. Ummmmm, to the OP, I’m NOT a hulkimaniac, I always like Andre and Jake the Snake better.
dead0man…NOT an Undertaker reference

Rock runs in and beats the hell out of the both of them, saying, “What’s the f-- with you two ruining MY show in my absence?! Oh by the way, thank you fans for your watching ‘The Scorpiuon King’. Go and watch ‘Helldorado’ in October. If ya smelll…!!”"