# Human Vs. Baboon **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [July 26, 2001, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809 "2001-07-26T00:56:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/21 "2012-04-13T18:14:31Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > There was some old movie about people stuck somewhere after a plane crash, and the bad guy doesn’t leave when the rest are rescued. He ends up becoming the leader of the baboons after besting the alpha male. So if it happened in a movie, it must be possible. [“Sands of the Kalahari.”](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059675/) ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/22 "2012-04-13T18:23:42Z")
In my teens I read a lot of books about big game hunting. In one, the author told of witnessing a leopard’s attempt to snatch a baby baboon, and the mother baboon’s success in fighting the leopard until the cat withdrew. He commented that it was remarkable, and that in most cases the leopard would have prevailed. Consider though, that we’re talking about a human defeating an animal that has the potential of fending off a _frickin’ leopard_ – I say no way. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/23 "2012-04-13T18:51:50Z")
If this sort of thing interests you, I would recommend seeking out and watching the episode of the BBC series Inside Nature’s Giants in which they dissect a rogue South African baboon, who was killed for being a little too good at stealing food from humans. I learned a lot about baboons from that show. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/24 "2012-04-13T19:08:36Z")
There are always two (well, three) different questions in these animal versus threads. Can animal X present enough of a threat to animal Y to chase Y away? Quite likely. Can X kill Y in a steel-cage fight to the death? Maybe not. For the fight to the death, the question almost always just comes down to a simple comparison of body mass. Humans (or leopards) mass more than baboons, so the baboon would lose. But the human (or leopard) would likely be significantly injured in the process, and nobody of any species wants to get injured if they can realistically avoid it, so an animal is likely to concede a match rather than fight to the death even if it’s favored in the fight. Of course, this works both ways: If a baboon attacked a human that had reason to stand its ground, the baboon would decide even more quickly that it wasn’t worth it, and withdraw. ---
**Author:** ![henshao](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3e96dc/32.png) [@henshao](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/henshao)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/25 "2012-04-13T19:21:13Z")
Depends on how tired and/or hungry the man is. When you haven’t eaten in two days, like all mammals men take on some serious mental toughness. A desperate enough man would strangle the hell out of a 45lb baboon. ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/26 "2012-04-13T21:42:49Z")
So who would win a fight between a 5’11", 160 lbs male with no combat experience and a Monkee? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/27 "2012-04-13T22:04:48Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/28 "2012-04-14T19:30:56Z")
> [@Shark\_Sandwich](#): > > So who would win a fight between a 5’11", 160 lbs male with no combat experience and a Monkee? Since at least one of them is dead, and the remaining ones are all old and decrepit, my money goes against the Monkees. Even all of them at once. Unless the dead one is a zombie. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Weaver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Weaver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weaver)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/29 "2012-04-14T22:28:10Z")
For the baboon to win it has to get close enough to use its teeth. A human doesn’t have that restriction since they’ve got the options of grabbing a big stick and using it to fend off the baboon and/or beat it to death, and throwing large rocks at it (fun fact: humans have better aim then any other primate due to the way our shoulders are put together). As for muscle power, primates may have unusually dense muscle but remember that humans are primates too. Also, humans are actually hyper-optimised for endurance, something most people are unaware of. In fact, the only animals that can keep up with us over long distances are canines (which is why we teamed up). I don’t know what baboon endurance is like but assuming that it isn’t as good as ours, the human would just have to keep dodging and fending it off until it got too tired to fight back and then bash its head in (incidently, our oldest hunting stratagy was to simply chase our prey around for hours until it keeled over from exhaustion). ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/30 "2012-04-14T23:22:17Z")
> [@Weaver](#): > > our oldest hunting stratagy was to simply chase our prey around for hours until it keeled over from exhaustion True. > [@](#): > > the human would just have to keep dodging and fending it off until it got too tired to fight back and then bash its head in But that’s hardly going to work. In a melee situation, an awful lot can happen in seconds. Trying to dodge for hours or even just minutes would be an epic task. OTOH, running away from it until it gets tired could work, but of course, it will stop chasing you before it gets near to its exhaustion point. ---
**Author:** ![Weaver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Weaver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weaver)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2012, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/31 "2012-04-14T23:35:36Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > But that’s hardly going to work. In a melee situation, an awful lot can happen in seconds. Trying to dodge for hours or even just minutes would be an epic task. > > OTOH, running away from it until it gets tired could work, but of course, it will stop chasing you before it gets near to its exhaustion point. Suggested stratagy: [ol] [li]Run away from baboon.[/li][li]When baboon gets tired of chasing you, provoke it (from a distance of course), and repeat step one.[/li][li]Keep repeating above two steps until the baboon is so knackered that it no longer tries to attack you when you throw rocks at it.[/li][li] Pick up the biggest stick available and use it to bash the baboon’s head in.[/li][/ol] Incidently, I did some research after my last post. Apparently humans are the only primates who are any good at running long distances and we are _very_ good at it provided we’re not hopelessly out of shape, which the example human in the OP isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/32 "2012-04-15T00:12:19Z")
> [@Weaver](#): > > Suggested stratagy: > > [ol] > [li]Run away from baboon.[/li][li]When baboon gets tired of chasing you, provoke it (from a distance of course), and repeat step one.[/li][li]Keep repeating above two steps until the baboon is so knackered that it no longer tries to attack you when you throw rocks at it.[/li][li] Pick up the biggest stick available and use it to bash the baboon’s head in.[/li][/ol] > > Incidently, I did some research after my last post. Apparently humans are the only primates who are any good at running long distances and we are _very_ good at it provided we’re not hopelessly out of shape, which the example human in the OP isn’t. So people are [kiting](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiting_(video_gaming)) in RL now? Who woulda guessed it.. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/33 "2012-04-15T00:44:23Z")
I’ve heard if you punch primates on either side of the head at the same time… ---
**Author:** ![RetroVertigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@RetroVertigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RetroVertigo)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/34 "2012-04-15T01:16:47Z")
Was this one of the earliest “Human vs. \_\_\_\_\_\_” threads on the SDMB? ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/35 "2012-04-15T01:51:34Z")
> [@Weaver](#): > > Suggested stratagy: > > [ol] > [li]Run away from baboon.[/li][li]When baboon gets tired of chasing you, provoke it (from a distance of course), and repeat step one.[/li][li]Keep repeating above two steps until the baboon is so knackered that it no longer tries to attack you when you throw rocks at it.[/li][li] Pick up the biggest stick available and use it to bash the baboon’s head in.[/li][/ol] Yes, that would work. Unless a baboon can sprint for short distances faster than you. Care to bet your life that he can’t? ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/36 "2012-04-15T01:52:41Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > I’ve heard if you punch primates on either side of the head at the same time… Or you could tell him to pick two fingers. ---
**Author:** ![Woodenspoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bc79bd/32.png) [@Woodenspoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Woodenspoon)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/37 "2012-04-15T02:21:18Z")
human, but you’ll walk away with serious injuries, a 45lb monkey isnt going to be able to take much of any blows to the head and stay in the game. without clothes you are far more vulnerable, but unless you give up its not going to get to bite you in the neck, it’ll probably get one arm, once it does that you will grab it with your other arm, and once that happens its game over for the thing, you are just way bigger than it, whether you choke it out or bash its skull in, it just won’t win even if it bit you to the bone on the other arm, in a fight or flight type situation, you just have to deal with it. since you stipulate a stick is allowed, then the baboon stands no chance. large stick one lucky blow, or keep them at a distance, a second short stick in your other hand and if you land a stabbing blow with even a blunt stick, thats a crushing blow on a 45lb animal. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/38 "2012-04-15T06:16:33Z")
Re the bigger baboons see [Could an adult human male win in a hand to hand fight with an adult male baboon?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=293684) ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/39 "2012-04-15T10:15:46Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > I’ve heard if you punch primates on either side of the head at the same time… That only works if they’re enraged. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2012, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809/40 "2012-04-16T02:28:11Z")
Yes, but could a human outrun a babboon on a treadmill? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-vs-baboon/73809.md?page=3)