# Humans and butt wiping **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 19, 2012, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519 "2012-11-19T17:21:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/21 "2012-11-20T14:01:01Z")
This thread is crying out for someone to post the Bear talking to Rabbit joke. _I_ will not give in and do it. You can’t make me. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/22 "2012-11-20T14:18:39Z")
I first read the title as Hamas and butt wiping which, frankly was a little terrifying. ---
**Author:** ![qualityleashdog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/9f8e36/32.png) [@qualityleashdog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/qualityleashdog)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/23 "2012-11-20T16:11:59Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > Not to mention domestic sheep. Isn’t there a whole set of terminology regarding the turds that stick to a sheep’s wool? Wool tags. It’s possible they’ll interfere with breeding attempts and with nursing lambs. Might cock-block the ram, and lambs have been known to suckle them instead of the teat. One of my three ewes is swarmed with them right now, so it’s in need of a ‘crotching.’ Perhaps if humans hadn’t crotched them for centuries to overcome this, evolution may have succeeded and we would be dealing with a lot fewer ‘tagged’ sheep today. ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/24 "2012-11-21T03:55:07Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > This thread is crying out for someone to post the Bear talking to Rabbit joke. > > _I_ will not give in and do it. You can’t make me. 😛 Huh? What did the bear say? ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/25 "2012-11-21T10:16:13Z")
> [@dataguy](#): > > I saw a product recently that raises your feet while you sit on the toilet to approximate squatting. This is also supposed aid more complete elimination. It’s called a _footstool._ ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/26 "2012-11-21T10:29:18Z")
Several posts above have mentioned how messy a cow’s behind can be, but nobody’s mentioned _this_ yet: A cow’s, uh, ahem, _genital region_ tends to bulge out. This is several inches directly below the anus. As mentioned in one post above, cowshit tends to be a little loose and runny. Do you see where this is going? Cow shit tends to drool out the upper orifice, down the perineum, and end up dribbled all over the bulging lower orifice. Wait, it’s even worse . . . Cows also have this habit of shitting, pissing, and eating all at the same time. (Horses don’t usually do that.) So when you have a whole row of cows standing shoulder to shoulder as they stick their heads [through the fence at a manger (photo)](http://indianapublicmedia.org/eartheats/files/2012/01/feedlot-cattle3-e1326331973440.jpg), they produce behind them a pool of shit-and-piss soup. And when it rains, this becomes a frothy putrid swamp. They stand ankle deep in it while they continue to eat, shit, and piss. Their udders drag in it. And their tails are just long enough that the tuft at the end dips into it. And they are always swishing their tails to shoo the flies away. (Flies? What flies?) So any cowhand who goes out there to dump a load of hay into the manger is well advised to wear some protection, lest he get a glop of shit soup solids flung into his face. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/27 "2012-11-21T12:19:21Z")
> [@ducati](#): > > Huh? What did the bear say? Bear: “Hey Rabbit, does shit stick to your fur? I’m having a real problem with dingleberrys.” Rabbit: “No it doesn’t.” Bear grabs rabbit and uses him to wipe his ass. ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/28 "2012-11-21T19:15:22Z")
Bazinga! ---
**Author:** ![OtisCampbellWasRight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d78d45/32.png) [@OtisCampbellWasRight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtisCampbellWasRight)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/29 "2012-11-21T19:29:51Z")
Teee heee! He doesn’t know how to use the clamshells! ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/30 "2012-11-21T19:46:57Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > Not to mention domestic sheep. Isn’t there a whole set of terminology regarding the turds that stick to a sheep’s wool? What you call corn, we call maize. ---
**Author:** ![OtisCampbellWasRight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d78d45/32.png) [@OtisCampbellWasRight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtisCampbellWasRight)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/31 "2012-11-21T19:56:04Z")
It’s all part of the eternal riddle: “What do you think of your ass as a whole?” “I think it stinks and it should be wiped out!” \ 😃 (Sorry OP, it’s the day before a holiday and I’m bored.) ---
**Author:** ![cougar58](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@cougar58](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cougar58)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/32 "2012-11-22T07:18:18Z")
This is the only advice that Mohammed was spot on the money with. He instructs muslims that the correct way to clean up, is to use your left hand (only - never the right hand) and water. this is also why it is considered an offense to put your left hand in the food bowl. using TP just smears the remnants around the cheeks. Trivia: what do Captain Kirk and a roll of toilet paper have in common? A: they both keep Klingons off your hands ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/33 "2012-11-22T07:51:56Z")
> [@si\_blakely](#): > > rattle your dags, mate 😉 > > Yeah, nothing worse than a daggy sheep. Unless it is fly-struck. > > Si You have got to be an Ozzie. Only folks I’ve ever heard using “daggy” and expecting to be understood. ---
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/34 "2012-11-22T14:45:19Z")
Humans are wiping because they’re not licking (to clean). ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/35 "2012-11-22T15:53:22Z")
Would you date someone who smelled like ass? Evolution at work. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/36 "2012-11-22T18:34:52Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > Seems strange that humans are the only animals the routinely need to wipe. Such a weird artificial ritual to complete such a natural act. In all fairness I have seen dogs and bears drag their butts through grass on occassion. Could this be because out diet is so unnatural? Or is it because we are much more relaxed that our ansestors and food passes through us quicker leaving more moisture? Or is is because we have selectively bred for nice plump round butts that require wiping? I don’t know that we can call our wiping artificial, nor our diet unnatural. We, as a species, have chosen this. If we call it unnatural, we will have to find out what imposed this upon us. We have chosen this behavior…is this not natural? ---
**Author:** ![Michael63129](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@Michael63129](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael63129)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/37 "2012-11-22T22:19:13Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I don’t know that we can call our wiping artificial, nor our diet unnatural. We, as a species, have chosen this. If we call it unnatural, we will have to find out what imposed this upon us. > We have chosen this behavior…is this not natural? I have noticed myself that sometimes I wipe and there is literally nothing on the tissue but other times it is more like mud (and never seems to come off), yet there wasn’t any big change in my diet, which is fairly similar from day to day but apparently my body doesn’t “process” it the same way all the time (the consistency of the product changes too, so it isn’t just the way it came out). Oh, and some other animals are [much, much worse](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VN2KRxTdjE) (_not for the squeamish_). ---
**Author:** ![Modern\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519/38 "2012-11-22T22:22:18Z")
Even animals like to be clean. Cats lick their asses. We can’t really lick our asses, but I’m sure we would if we could. Think of how much money we would save on toilet paper. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-and-butt-wiping/641519.md?page=1)