# Humans being emotional vampires? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2017, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449 "2017-11-02T00:44:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/21 "2017-11-02T18:17:25Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Why bother with any of it, right? Fuck life!! 👎👎 I don’t think that’s an accurate response. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/22 "2017-11-02T18:20:12Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > 1. Please stop reading that blog > 2. It’s “your” child in the sense that “you” may or may not have contributed DNA, and “you” may or may not be raising it and it is part of “your” family. Not a thing, but definitely indicating a connection. > 3. What do you mean that humans “don’t really love”? Is that your idea or the crazy-pants blog’s? His but I can’t help but wonder. I mean aren’t relationships just people being with each other so they don’t feel alone? Isn’t wanting others to be happy so you don’t have to feel bad when you witness them sad? Isn’t there a self aspect to supposed selfless topics like love, friends, and relationship, even sex? Aren’t they just feeding off each other? ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/23 "2017-11-02T18:21:16Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Nevertheless, it seems a consistent m.o. for the OP. One can’t just assert that there is no truth without reading it. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/24 "2017-11-02T18:34:28Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > One can’t just assert that there is no truth without reading it. One must strive to find non-insane sources of truth. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/25 "2017-11-02T18:37:38Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > His but I can’t help but wonder. I mean aren’t relationships just people being with each other so they don’t feel alone? Isn’t wanting others to be happy so you don’t have to feel bad when you witness them sad? Isn’t there a self aspect to supposed selfless topics like love, friends, and relationship, even sex? Aren’t they just feeding off each other? Yes, and do you know why? Because… _You know I can’t smile without you I can’t smile without you I can’t laugh and I can’t sing I’m finding it hard to do anything You see I feel sad when you’re sad I feel glad when you’re glad If you only knew what I’m going through I just can’t smile without you_ ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/26 "2017-11-02T18:39:43Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > His but I can’t help but wonder. I mean aren’t relationships just people being with each other so they don’t feel alone? Isn’t wanting others to be happy so you don’t have to feel bad when you witness them sad? Isn’t there a self aspect to supposed selfless topics like love, friends, and relationship, even sex? Aren’t they just feeding off each other? I believe that every human being is driven by selfish motivations in literally everything they do. However sometimes it feels good to be nice, and bad to be mean - guilt is an obvious psychological mechanism to make actions done to others be about the person doing them instead. And thus you can find the most charitable people in the world, doing it only because they want to - and they want to for what is, ultimately selfish reasons. And that’s okay! It’s how motivation works. People do things for reasons that they themselves understand and relate to, and that’s totally cool. So yes, it’s totally selfish of me to want to get close to another person and share happiness with them. Their happiness makes me happy. And, if all goes well, my happiness makes them happy too. Which is a really good kind of feedback loop. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/27 "2017-11-02T18:41:09Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > One must strive to find non-insane sources of truth. At least he’s also here. I’d say that upwards of 40% of us here aren’t insane. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/28 "2017-11-02T18:46:25Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > At least he’s also here. I’d say that upwards of 40% of us here aren’t insane. Sounds like the makings of an SDMB poll. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/29 "2017-11-02T18:55:40Z")
Emotional vampirism is something common in many faiths and ‘new age belief systems’ it is expressed in terms of stealing ‘life energy’. From the entire kingdom of Satan, to that person that you hate to talk to because you feel tired and depleted afterwards this have all be described, in one form or anther as living off of the life/energy of another. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/30 "2017-11-02T19:02:19Z")
I’ve always thought “emotional vampire” was someone who always has to drag everyone else down. I’ve known some; usually it’s a person who can never get their act together in life and any time we talk it’s nothing but a half hour+ of having to listen to how awful things are, how screwed he is, and so on. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/31 "2017-11-02T19:15:35Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > I’ve always thought “emotional vampire” was someone who always has to drag everyone else down. I’ve known some; usually it’s a person who can never get their act together in life and any time we talk it’s nothing but a half hour+ of having to listen to how awful things are, how screwed he is, and so on. jz78817, meet Machinaforce. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/32 "2017-11-02T19:26:14Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > One can’t just assert that there is no truth without reading it. Sure you can. This guy is batshit insane, and if he’s right about anything it’s no more meaningful than a stopped clock being right twice a day. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/33 "2017-11-02T19:39:44Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > One can’t just assert that there is no truth without reading it. Sure you can. You read enough to see that the guy is a loon, then assert that since he’s a loon there’s only truth by chance. Then you stop reading it and go on to read stuff by someone that’s not a loon. It’s really easy. ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/34 "2017-11-02T19:40:48Z")
If you have money to spare and desire nothing more than sex, visiting a prostitute is a good idea and nothing to be ashamed of. I feel the same way about professional cuddling. It’s not my cup of tea, but if you’ve got the money to blow, and desire nothing more than cuddling, knock yourself out. I’m glad that there are now services you can buy to obtain that kind of satisfaction, if that’s what you’re after. The net wealth and happiness of the world has gone up a notch since these cuddlers hung their shingle. You guys seen professional dry humpers yet? I caught a video of some dude getting paid to rub his clothed crotch on ladies who were presumably into it. You think cuddling is weird? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/35 "2017-11-02T19:43:25Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > His but I can’t help but wonder. I mean aren’t relationships just people being with each other so they don’t feel alone? Isn’t wanting others to be happy so you don’t have to feel bad when you witness them sad? Isn’t there a self aspect to supposed selfless topics like love, friends, and relationship, even sex? Aren’t they just feeding off each other? Yes, they are feeding off each other, but the word “just” in the above clouds the issue. I want my wife to be happy, because I love her. Why do I love her? Both because she makes me happy (usually) and also that I want her to be happy because I know her, and recognize that a person like her deserves to be happy. And she loves me back, because I try to make her happy. So she tries to make me happy, and in so doing, makes herself happy. That’s what is feeding off each other means. It’s wrong, IOW, for the unpleasant person in the blog to which you link to say that the selfish part of love is the only part. He is so obsessed with himself that he cannot see how making other people happy has value in and of itself, in addition to the part where they make you happy in return. The “selfish” part of the relationship is not the only part there is, and its presence does not invalidate the other parts, where I am giving much more than I get in my marriage and still try to make my wife happy. Here’s a “forbidden truth” for you - it is hard to be happy when you only think about yourself. Forget about yourself, forget about parsing out your own motives or anyone else’s, and concentrate on the good - not the happy, the good. One real good way to be happy is to make someone else happy. That doesn’t mean being a doormat, or staying in a relationship out of guilt - it means recognizing that we are all in the same boat. We all want to be happy. So find people who want to be happy in ways that you can bring about. And, if you keep your eyes open, you will find people, or one person, who is both appreciative of your efforts to make her happy, and wants to practice the same things on you. Stop bothering with that stupid blog. He’s miserable, and determined to remain so. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/36 "2017-11-02T19:58:52Z")
Nice post **Shodan**. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/37 "2017-11-02T20:27:26Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Sounds like the makings of an SDMB poll. 🙂 Self-reporting biases would be a _huge_ problem, though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dahnlor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dahnlor/32/533_2.png) [@Dahnlor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dahnlor)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/38 "2017-11-02T21:37:02Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > Compared to what? “Inferior” is a relative measurement, not an absolute one. [Cats!](https://www.google.com/search?safe=off&biw=958&bih=922&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=PI_7WayEJNLQjwOwyYmQCg&q=many+cats+cuddling&oq=many+cats+cuddling&gs_l=psy-ab.3...6885.7449.0.8039.5.5.0.0.0.0.88.366.5.5.0....0...1.1.64.psy-ab..0.2.154...0i13k1.0.MYFjYlTazkI#imgrc=_) ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/39 "2017-11-02T22:08:28Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Because it’s hard to shake him from my head because it seems like there is a hint of truth. > > Kind of like mentioning kids as “yours” which might imply some kind of property sense. Or (in the link) he mentioned the people doing the service are only pretending to love and care but that they are honest about it since humans don’t really love. They just feed off your emotions at worst and money at best. > > Then again that last bit is sketchy. If human beings are incapable of love, then what exactly do they mean when they use the word “love”? For instance, human beings are incapable of Quorffl, an emotion peculiar to the multi-tentacled hive minds of Epsilon Eridani IV. We have no concept of this emotion, we are incapable of this emotion, and we human beings have no word for this emotion. It does seem pretty odd that human beings talk about love all day long, sing songs about love, debate love, discuss love, make up stories about love, when it’s something they aren’t actually capable of. If human beings can’t really love, then where did the concept of love come from? Like, humans have an idea of love, but it’s all just fake love? They only pretend to love each other? If everyone is pretending to love each other, how exactly is that different than actually loving each other? If you can’t tell the difference between fake love and real love, what is the difference between fake love and real love? Real love isn’t unselfish. Wouldn’t it be kind of fucked up if the only real love was a love that gave you nothing? Like the in “The Giving Tree?” You only really love someone if you give and give and give to them, and get nothing in return? Wouldn’t that be pretty fucking stupid? I love my wife and my kids, and that love isn’t completely selfless. Loving them doesn’t make me miserable, it makes me happy. So that means it’s not really love, according to you and your new best friend? How exactly should love work? Yeah, go ahead and love yourself, and forget about other people. Let’s see how that works out for you. In my experience, people who live only for themselves without caring about other people are miserable. Yeah, eventually we’re all going to die, and our experiences on this little planet won’t amount to a hill of beans. So what? What, did God promise you that it would mean something? Actually, God did no such thing, because there is no such entity as “God”. If that makes you miserable, to be a human being in a radically indifferent universe, then I guess that’s a problem. But that suffering only exists in your tiny little mind, your suffering in the face of the meaninglessness of the universe is meaningless, because everything is meaningless including your suffering. So why suffer? Why not make the best of your tiny finite life, because you’re never going to get another chance, and pretty soon you’ll be dead anyway, whether you embrace suffering or try to make the best of life. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/40 "2017-11-02T22:12:10Z")
Excellent post, **Lemur.** > [@Machineaforce](#): > > Ok after reading that last bit I can see he is clearly off the deep end. I’ll call that progress. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449.md?page=3)