# Humans being emotional vampires? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2017, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449 "2017-11-02T00:44:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/41 "2017-11-02T23:56:34Z")
I know there are people that say love is not real because it is “only chemicals,” but so is every human sensation and emotion, including things like thirst, and you see very few people choose to die of dehydration because thirst isn’t real. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/42 "2017-11-03T00:02:27Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > I know there are people that say love is not real because it is “only chemicals,” but so is every human sensation and emotion, including things like thirst, and you see very few people choose to die of dehydration because thirst isn’t real. It’s kinda like, either everything about human experience is real, or nothing is. And if nothing is, then the point is moot. Our life experience is literally all we have, and we can either cobble some meaning from it or live in despair. The best thing about my life is my love. I don’t really give a damn what causes it, or what its essential nature is, or whether some blogger thinks it’s legitimate, I just care that he arrives safely home tonight. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/43 "2017-11-03T00:21:57Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > One can’t just assert that there is no truth without reading it. We’ve read some of it, enough to know that reading further is beyond foolish. If you persist in reading destructive nonsense because you contend a faint chance exists that a grain of truth lies ahead, then that writer of nonsense qualifies as an emotional vampire. And you’re just a rapidly draining vessel for their insane need. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/44 "2017-11-03T02:07:09Z")
**Machinaforce** , have you ever considered seeing a therapist? ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/45 "2017-11-03T04:13:08Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Yes, they are feeding off each other, but the word “just” in the above clouds the issue. > > I want my wife to be happy, because I love her. Why do I love her? Both because she makes me happy (usually) and also that I want her to be happy because I know her, and recognize that a person like her deserves to be happy. And she loves me back, because I try to make her happy. So she tries to make me happy, and in so doing, makes herself happy. > > That’s what is feeding off each other means. It’s wrong, IOW, for the unpleasant person in the blog to which you link to say that the selfish part of love is the only part. He is so obsessed with himself that he cannot see how making other people happy has value in and of itself, in addition to the part where they make you happy in return. The “selfish” part of the relationship is not the only part there is, and its presence does not invalidate the other parts, where I am giving much more than I get in my marriage and still try to make my wife happy. > > Here’s a “forbidden truth” for you - it is hard to be happy when you only think about yourself. Forget about yourself, forget about parsing out your own motives or anyone else’s, and concentrate on the good - not the happy, the good. > > One real good way to be happy is to make someone else happy. That doesn’t mean being a doormat, or staying in a relationship out of guilt - it means recognizing that we are all in the same boat. We all want to be happy. So find people who want to be happy in ways that you can bring about. And, if you keep your eyes open, you will find people, or one person, who is both appreciative of your efforts to make her happy, and wants to practice the same things on you. > > Stop bothering with that stupid blog. He’s miserable, and determined to remain so. > > Regards, > Shodan I guess you have a point. For some reason I think that “feeding” off each other is a bad thing, like it’s some sort of dependency issue or something. Him saying that needing others is weekends and that relationships are mutual emotional vampyrism kind of shook me. But I think the first rule of a good relationship is that you don’t “need” someone else for happiness. I heard that things like “I can’t live without you” or “I need you” (in a STRONG way) are actually dependency issues. If you can be comfortable alone then you are ready for one. So I guess that proves him wrong about vampyrism. I just get the sense that I need to create arguments and find evidence against him, even though most of what he does is just argument by assertion. Yet I fear him being right and undoing all I know about life and therefor breaking me. That maybe he’s right and I’m being enslaved or have been broken and just haven’t learned the truth of it all. My brain says no when I first read it, and yet it tries to rationalize what I read. It’s like that method of thinking that “no information is useless” and that at least everyone has a point. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/46 "2017-11-03T04:15:40Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > Sure you can. You read enough to see that the guy is a loon, then assert that since he’s a loon there’s only truth by chance. Then you stop reading it and go on to read stuff by someone that’s not a loon. It’s really easy. It’s really the rules of argument that I have issue with, like appeal to majority, confirmation bias, and as homeniem. Like you only what to hear things that agree with you. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/47 "2017-11-03T04:57:44Z")
There are plenty of things to study that you will disagree with that won’t be harmful to your interactions with the world around you. This guy seems like a black hole of nastiness. Why waste your time trying to understand that? ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/48 "2017-11-03T07:44:57Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > Sometimes I turn on the TV and watch sports, and get excited when one team wins, even though I’m not part of that team, have nothing to do with the win, and don’t know anyone who is part of the team. Isn’t that pathetic in a major way? (and isn’t the sports team/advertisers feeding off of my emotional needs?) This I actually agree with, even though I think you’re trying to make some kind of sarcastic point. Why do you do this? ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/49 "2017-11-03T10:57:41Z")
> [@](#): > > My brain says no when I first read it, and yet it tries to rationalize what I read. It’s like that method of thinking that “no information is useless” and that at least everyone has a point. I couldn’t make myself more than skim the original linked article, but judging by what I did see and some of the links to other blog entries on the site, the blogger looks to be suffering from a deep and profound mental illness. There _could_ be a pearl buried somewhere in that grain silo full of bullshit, but _I_ wouldn’t spend _my_ time digging for it. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/50 "2017-11-03T12:23:16Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > It’s really the rules of argument that I have issue with, like appeal to majority, confirmation bias, and as homeniem. Like you only what to hear things that agree with you. I think it’s more that the guy who writes that blog is saying things like “if you didn’t have any relationships, but just masturbated a lot, you would be happy like me” when he doesn’t sound very happy. Especially considering the amount of happiness that I experience from my relationships. It’s like one of the previous articles from the same guy, about how Charlie Manson is actually more free than I am. In order to believe that, I have to believe that “freedom” consists of eating out of garbage cans, having people murdered, and living your whole life in prison. That’s not freedom, no matter what jailhouse rant some sociopath tries to use to get attention. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/51 "2017-11-03T12:38:13Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > **Machinaforce** , have you ever considered seeing a therapist? _“O, That way madness lies; Let me shun that. No more of that.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/52 "2017-11-03T13:10:20Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > It’s really the rules of argument that I have issue with, like appeal to majority, confirmation bias, and as homeniem. Like you only what to hear things that agree with you. 1. If someone is an idiot, he doesn’t stop being an idiot when multiple people notice that he’s an idiot. 2. I have no idea what confirmation bias you’re claiming exists. 3. “ad homenem” is the fallacy of claiming that an argument is valid because of some characteristic of the person irrelevant to the argument. No one is actually claiming that here, they’re saying ‘this guy is not worth reading in the first place’. In the real world, there is more written material than one person can read in a human lifetime, and more gets created continually. The idea that you’re obligated to read everything written before dismissing it is absurd because it’s completely impossible. So any actual person has to learn to filter what they read, and one good way to do that is to determine that a particular writer is writing worthless nonsense, then stop wasting time on it. You can keep up your unhealthy obsession with reading this worthless crap then trying to fit it into your worldview, but I really doubt it’s going to bring you any happiness or success in life. Unless your genuine desire is to sit around masturbating with the power of your mind while avoiding human interaction other than posting someone else’s weird articles on a message board. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/53 "2017-11-03T16:53:31Z")
By the second sentence,this guy has referred you to[this history of himself and his philosophy](https://forbiddentruthblog.com/2014/12/27/the-forbidden-truths-of-human-touch/), and asserted that the blog post you originally linked can not be understood outside its context. And he is right about that. He is coming from a place of horrific trauma, neglect, and abuse. He missed important milestones in his emotional development due to the mental and emotional illness of his parents. IANAD, but I suspect he has an attachment disorder, and has never learned to feel love from others. The fact that he still feels the need for closeness, and has developed a way of giving this to himself is frankly a tribute to the resiliency of the human heart, and the strength of our social needs. I hope that his gut-wrenchingly awful circumstances are not yours, and that therefore his coping mechanisms are inappropriate to your life. As to “emotional vampires” we have all experienced them. They are people who do not wish to be lifted when they are down, but will only drain you and bring you down with them. They prey on sympathy to bind people into their sphere and then suck the life out of them. They have a disability to negate their every talent, and a counter to every offered solution. It’s difficult, when you are in the mix trying to help them, to see how quickly they will find a new source if you just walk away. In the end, it is our own vanity that traps us, as we buy their implied message that only we can save them. There are lesser versions too, and they are tougher to nail down. There are people who "take"a hug, but never “give” one. Their hugs make you feel tired and drained instead of nurtured or supported. And here’s the key to all of this: When two givers hug each other, they BOTH walk away feeling nurtured and supported. It is only when one or both are “takers” that there is a zero-sum game being played. Love can be multiplied, and all that is required is the will to give mutually. As to the professional cuddlers, it is sad that there is such a need in our society. But there is one. Many people fill it through their pets, or by hugging their friends, or by buying a massage. I’m sure some get a semblance of this through the hiring of prostitutes, along with the other release that entails. GRR Martin addresses this in ASoIaF when he mentioned eunuch soldiers going to a brothel. Some of us find that religion and love of God will fill the void. The most successful strategy I have seen is to find ways of being of service to those in need. There is something about charitable effort which warms the spirit in the same way. Human beings are social animals. We need touch, and most also need sexual release. The constraints, values, and (increasingly) distractions of society are making it harder and harder to meet these needs. I don’t think it’s as hard now as it was in the Victorian era, but we are certainly moving back in that direction. This ain’t the '60s. Loneliness can become a self-perpetuating spiral. As neediness grows, it show and it makes us increasingly unattractive. The ability to build those social networks and stop-gaps is vital to prevent becoming a hermit or outcast. If these folks have found a solution that works for them, good on them. ---
**Author:** ![zuer-coli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ba9def/32.png) [@zuer-coli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zuer-coli)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2017, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/54 "2017-11-05T01:12:04Z")
Mark me as another person who thinks the blog linked is written by a very disturbed person. I also am going to join the ranks of the folk who have advised you that you would be better served if you didn’t follow that blog. I am also of the persuasion that it is not necessary to read an entire post to realize that continuing is a waste of time. In an other post I did identify myself as mentally ill, I have a Doctor and a diagnoses and medications that are intended to help with mental health issues. On that basis, I also concur that seeing a mental health professional might prove helpful to you. Warning: doing psychological work with a professional is real work and can be quite frustrating. Zuer-coli ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2017, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449/55 "2017-11-05T11:26:18Z")
The only ‘emotional enslaving’ that seems to be going on here is your inexplicable attraction to, need to read and constantly analyse, a blog written by Mr. Crazypants here. If you’re worried about becoming reliant on other people, make a start by breaking away from the crap written by that guy. Seriously. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humans-being-emotional-vampires/800449.md?page=2)