# Humorous replies to dumb questions **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2011, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636 "2011-03-31T15:25:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/21 "2011-03-31T20:59:09Z")
Sometimes the questions are so silly/dumb that no reply is needed. A woman was watching me read a German newspaper and asked, “Do you read German newspapers in German?” Most people in the room looked at her like she was insane, so no comment was necessary. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/22 "2011-03-31T21:05:16Z")
I don’t know how true it is, but this one has been passed around as a coroner’s real answer to a dumb question in court. Q: Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren’t sure the man was dead, were you? A: Well, the man’s brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/23 "2011-03-31T21:07:09Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > When college students who have been absent fail to consult the syllabus or talk to a classmate, I often get that irritating question “What did we do in class?” > > And so on. My favorite (high school) are the ones that ask "Did we do anything yesterday? I usually reply “no, we just sat around and talked about our feelings.” It’s amazing how many will nod and walk away. As far as the baby thing goes, I still think it’s a silly question. “How’s the baby?” or something serves the same purpose and doesn’t put anyone on the spot. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/24 "2011-03-31T21:50:47Z")
Hipster Doofus: I don’t drink and never will. Why do people insist on socializing by putting toxins in their body? Me: It helps us put up with people like you. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/25 "2011-03-31T22:05:51Z")
I always ask/answer this question by switching it to “easy”/“difficult” baby. As in, “Is he a good baby?” “Oh, he’s a little easier than his sister was, but maybe that’s just because we’re more experienced as parents now.” ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/26 "2011-03-31T22:12:55Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I used to have friend who would answer that back with “No, I’m lying.” It really wasn’t funny the first time, and got more annoying each time after that. Were there other people who was invoking this, or did you just not learn to find a way to avoid it? If I had a friend like that, I’d just say “That’s interesting” or similar after a couple of times. When my husband asks me to remind him to do something, I’ll often turn right around and tell him “Don’t forget to do A” immediately. Then he rolls his eyes, and tells me when he wants me to remind him. One of these days, he might remember to tell me when he wants reminding before giving me a chance to be a smartass! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/27 "2011-03-31T22:18:38Z")
> [@lukeinva](#): > > Where are you at? > > Okay that’s not a really dumb question but it’s bad grammar so it is dumb. What’s wrong with the perfectly good verb “to be at”? ---
**Author:** ![Only\_Here\_A\_While](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/48db29/32.png) [@Only\_Here\_A\_While](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Only_Here_A_While)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/28 "2011-03-31T22:24:16Z")
Q: Why are you so musical? A: Why do you breathe? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/29 "2011-03-31T22:25:42Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > Them: “Is she a good baby?” “No, we left him out of the fridge too long and he’s gone bad.” ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/30 "2011-03-31T22:38:16Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > What’s wrong with the perfectly good verb “to be at”? Nothing, until it’s used with an adverb whose definition is “at what place.” That kind of repetitive redundency is negatively frowned upon. ---
**Author:** ![Disheavel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@Disheavel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disheavel)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/31 "2011-03-31T22:44:31Z")
I thought for sure this was going to be about [someone asking President Obama if he has his own computer](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miaAC3d4RDU&feature=player_embedded)! But Obama had some fun with it. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/32 "2011-03-31T22:46:13Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > What’s wrong with the perfectly good verb “to be at”? I believe the problem is that it ought to be “Where you at, dog?” ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/33 "2011-04-01T00:03:47Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > As far as the baby thing goes, I still think it’s a silly question. It’s not a question at all. No one who asks “Is it a good baby?” is actually concerned that it might, in fact, not be a good baby. It’s a conversational invitation for a new parent to gush about their child. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/34 "2011-04-01T00:17:45Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > The usage of “really” is not a questioning of fact. It means “that’s surprising,” or “tell me more about that,” or both. Yeah, I have to agree, it’s incredibly annoying when you say “really?” and then the person responds with something like “no, I’m fooling you,” as if I was saying “OMG YOU ARE YOU LYING TO ME YOU MUST BE LYING TO ME THIS IS SO UNBELIEVABLE” That’s about on par with people who say “the ceiling” when you ask “what’s up?” ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/35 "2011-04-01T00:58:16Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > That’s about on par with people who say “the ceiling” when you ask “what’s up?” “Nothin’ but the rent!” ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/36 "2011-04-01T01:19:20Z")
This one’s fresh: My wife calls me and says, “The line was busy just now. Did someone call?” “Yes, it was your aunt calling to wish you a happy birthday.” “Did you tell her I was out?” “No, I said you just didn’t feel like talking to her.” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/37 "2011-04-01T01:26:27Z")
> [@Larry\_Mudd](#): > > This one’s fresh: > > My wife calls me and says, “The line was busy just now. Did someone call?” > > “Yes, it was your aunt calling to wish you a happy birthday.” > > “Did you tell her I was out?” > > “No, I said you just didn’t feel like talking to her.” Real life incident: Guy calls up, I answer the phone. **Guy:** “Is _\_ there?” **Brother:** \ “Tell him I’m not here!” \*\* Me:\*\* _\_ “He says he’s not here.” **Brother:** _\_ ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/38 "2011-04-01T01:30:23Z")
Well, since the thread seems to have turned into “Snarky responses to perfectly normal questions”, I would like to say that I really, really, really hate people who say “All day” when I ask “Is today Thursday?” ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/39 "2011-04-01T01:36:49Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Real life incident: > > Guy calls up, I answer the phone. > > **Guy:** “Is _\_ there?” > > **Brother:** \ “Tell him I’m not here!” > \*\* > Me:\*\* _\_ “He says he’s not here.” > > **Brother:** _\_ Similar thing happened to a friend of mine when he was a teenager. First week on a new McJob, and my friend decides to call in sick and go to the beach instead. Right in the middle of telling his boss he’s so sick he can’t hardly get out of bed, his sister picks up the extension and says, “Chad, dad says if you’re not going to go to work, you have to mow the lawn.” ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636/40 "2011-04-01T01:42:26Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > The baby question is indeed common. It’s also deeply dumb. Is a colicky or sensitive baby “bad?” Should we be assigning moral agency or behavioral worthiness to infants? I don’t deny that many people ask it, and they mean no harm, only hoping for your sake that your baby is easy to take care of. But it’s still stupidly worded. If they’re twins it’s OK to ask which one the evil one is. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-replies-to-dumb-questions/576636.md?page=3)