# Humorous Sayings **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 18, 2003, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907 "2003-08-18T04:53:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907/61 "2003-08-22T23:55:56Z")
I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving. ---
**Author:** ![hanza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/eb8c5e/32.png) [@hanza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hanza)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907/62 "2003-08-23T00:41:56Z")
He/she couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery He/she couldn’t find his arse with both hands or, if you want to be REALLY derogatory …couldn’t find his arse with both hands and an atlas. and one from my Dad, which to my knowledge he made up, and which seems to sum up a certain type of person very well… He’s so intelligent he can’t even open a gate ---
**Author:** ![rolandgunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@rolandgunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rolandgunslinger)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907/63 "2003-08-23T04:12:53Z")
“Your as useless as tits on a bull” Or “It’s a shame your heads not as smart as your ass” ---
**Author:** ![Dustpan\_Paw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Dustpan\_Paw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dustpan_Paw)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907/64 "2003-08-24T05:35:08Z")
If brains were dynomite he couldn’t blow his nose. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907/65 "2003-08-24T15:01:26Z")
I’d give my left arm to be ambidextrous… ---
**Author:** ![Nefertiti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nefertiti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nefertiti)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907/66 "2003-08-25T00:43:38Z")
A favorite saying, of my Dad’s: Buy ya books and buy ya books and all ya do is chew the corners. My oldest son’s favorite saying: Excuse me, but I think you’ve mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck what you think. (He IS smart enough to have never said that to me, however.)😃 ---
**Author:** ![eeclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/49beb7/32.png) [@eeclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eeclem)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907/67 "2003-08-25T13:11:44Z")
useful for hung-over friends: damn, you look like you were rode hard and put away wet. or eyes like two piss holes in a snow bank. my favorite for whiny kids- if wishes and buts were candies and nuts, we’d all have a merry christmas ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907/68 "2003-08-27T02:11:47Z")
“I don’t drink water. Thats the stuff that rusts pipes.” _WC Fields_ “You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think” _Dorothy Parker_ “It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more” _Woody Allen_ ---
**Author:** ![Nefertiti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nefertiti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nefertiti)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907/69 "2003-08-27T03:13:57Z")
When my teens begged for money, I sometimes replied: What do you think I do? Eat paper and shit money? Can’t remember where I learned that though.:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Schnauzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@Schnauzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schnauzer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907/70 "2003-08-27T11:56:52Z")
He who laughs last thinks slowest. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you. ---
**Author:** ![ReBusEniGma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@ReBusEniGma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReBusEniGma)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2003, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907/71 "2003-08-27T13:31:48Z")
He has the IQ of a bowling ball He’s dumber than a sack of hammers And a humorous saying I made up yesterday in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=205968); Linux: it’s more virile than eunuchs well…I thought it funny at least [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-sayings/195907.md?page=3)