# Humorous signs and warnings **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [March 6, 2022, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564 "2022-03-06T15:16:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2022, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/181 "2022-03-25T19:14:31Z")
Hah. Good thing he wasn’t a proctologist. A neighbor, years back, owned a Porsche with this vanity plate: “CUZICUD”. ('cause I could) ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2022, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/182 "2022-03-25T19:30:23Z")
Used to see “My other car is a Porsche” stickers on old bangers … the only time it was funny was when I saw it on the back of a Porsche ! ---
**Author:** ![Die\_Capacitrix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/die_capacitrix/32/9_2.png) [@Die\_Capacitrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Die_Capacitrix)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2022, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/183 "2022-03-25T19:39:48Z")
Warning This machine does not know the difference between metal and flesh, nor does it care. ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2022, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/184 "2022-03-25T20:45:35Z")
> [@pjd](#): > > Used to see “My other car is a Porsche” stickers on old bangers … the only > time it was funny was when I saw it on the back of a Porsche ! A friend from back home in West Virginia suggested a local version: “My other car’s a _porch_” ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2022, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/185 "2022-03-25T22:45:40Z")
> [@Seanette](#): > > I hope that was a lot less confusing in person. They were just asking for trouble once patrons had had a few drinks. Regular patrons were used to it. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/186 "2022-03-26T16:10:30Z")
Seen this morning in the 1940 documentary _Eyes of the Navy_, at the parachute training building: IT DON’T MEAN A THING IF YOU DON’T PULL THAT STRING ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/187 "2022-03-26T17:29:28Z")
When my best friend in high school – very Italian – bought his first car, a Chevy Malibu, the first thing he did was slap on that bumper sticker: Mafia Staff Car: Keep-a you hands off-a! ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/188 "2022-03-26T19:39:04Z")
A girl I knew at college had a bumper sticker: “Illiterate? Write for Help”. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/189 "2022-03-26T19:57:16Z")
👍 _Ring, ring_ “Urology department, can you hold?” ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2022, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/190 "2022-03-27T04:48:24Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Seen this morning in the 1940 documentary _Eyes of the Navy_ , at the parachute training building Seen at a skydiving venue: > [@](#): > > If at first you don’t succeed… > Maybe skydiving isn’t for you. ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2022, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/191 "2022-03-27T06:39:10Z")
That mightn’t have been the first time he’d heard that joke. On that day. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2022, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/192 "2022-03-27T14:25:46Z")
Saw vanity plate on a red Maserati (or such) as we each parked in the B&N parking lot- CURVEDOC Being a vanity plate aficionado & photograph taker, I asked him, at the B&N café, “Saw your car tag. Back surgeon, right?” “No, breast implants.” Almost dropped my latté! ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2022, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/193 "2022-03-30T20:25:08Z")
I posted a question here, a few years ago, trying to locate this sign: [![](http://signalisationlevis.com/gestion/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/SL-AE365.jpg) ](http://signalisationlevis.com/gestion/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/SL-AE365.jpg) To me, it looked like someone giving birth on the roadway. (the sign basically says “look out for children, they might be your own”) ---
**Author:** ![Kzbre5m](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kzbre5m](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kzbre5m)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2022, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/194 "2022-03-31T15:41:28Z")
> [@pjd](#): > > Used to see “My other car is a Porsche” stickers on old bangers … the only > time it was funny was when I saw it on the back of a Porsche ! I knew someone that (rumor had it) has/had a bumper sticker with “My other vehicle is on Mars” > [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > (the sign basically says “look out for children, they might be your own”) Whenever I see the sign “Drive like your children live here” I get tempted to add a sign “Live like your children drive here”. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2022, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/195 "2022-03-31T16:31:07Z")
I have a sign that says, “Drive like your pets live here.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2022, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/196 "2022-03-31T16:59:12Z")
[![](https://goamswag.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Pilot-sign-thumb-555x565.jpg) ](https://goamswag.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Pilot-sign-thumb-555x565.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2022, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/197 "2022-03-31T17:37:11Z")
> [@Kzbre5m](#): > > Whenever I see the sign “Drive like your children live here” I get tempted to add a sign “Live like your children drive here”. There is a house up the street that has that sign up occasionally. Some night I want to add “and you like them” to it. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2022, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/198 "2022-03-31T19:04:05Z")
> [@Kzbre5m](#): > > I get tempted to add a sign “Live like your children drive here”. What? cowering inside, surrounded by large, immovable objects that will stop any out-of-control vehicle? 😃 Many years ago, when I was living in NYC, there was an article in the NY Times about a car that had lost control and plowed into the wall of a well-known restaurant. IIRC, there were no serious injuries. I took my copy of Zagat’s Guide, opened it to the relevant page, and wrote “New! Porch Seating!!!” and handed it to a co-worker. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2022, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/199 "2022-04-12T16:33:18Z")
[![Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/apraB7x.jpeg "imgur.com") ](https://imgur.com/apraB7x) Picture taken at a bird park in St Martin. They provide you with cups of seed on a post. As you walk around birds fly over and land on your cup. The birds prefer the big sunflower seeds, but will eat the smaller seeds as well. There is a sign that is not meant as a joke, “PLEASE DO NOT SPILL YOUR SEED ON THE GROUND”. I laughed. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2022, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/200 "2022-04-12T17:52:42Z")
Sign over men’s room mirror in a bar: “Now you know why you always go home alone.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564.md?page=11)