# Humorous signs and warnings **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [March 6, 2022, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564 "2022-03-06T15:16:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/281 "2022-05-19T17:39:11Z")
> [@Lare](#): > > wherein the Devil tries to convince newly-dead protagonist to come with him–without his dog–but is refused because “it can’t be Heaven if there’s no dogs allowed.” Heaven for Dogs is Hell for Squirrels. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/282 "2022-05-19T17:40:47Z")
> [@jadielyn](#): > > There are two ways to view that picture. One is a guy reading a book. > The other way, he is not alone but definitely smiling. - It’s a woman reading a book. Note the skirt/dress. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/283 "2022-05-19T17:41:33Z")
So it’s a woman NOT reading a book… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/284 "2022-05-19T17:42:09Z")
What has been seen cannot be unseen. [![](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/354/197/34d.png) ](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/354/197/34d.png) ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/285 "2022-05-19T19:47:43Z")
> [@Rebo](#): > > It took a minute, but i saw her. Should it bother me I saw her first? ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/286 "2022-05-19T22:55:48Z")
Oddly, he’s looking pretty calm for someone who’s _not_ reading a book. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2022, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/287 "2022-05-19T23:20:01Z")
He’s enjoying a piece of _someone’s_ mind. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2022, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/288 "2022-05-20T01:06:14Z")
Seems to be one of those that actually works better in lower image size and resolution ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2022, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/289 "2022-05-20T23:21:05Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > > [@Rebo](#): > > > > It took a minute, but i saw her. > > Should it bother me I saw her first? You’re not alone. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2022, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/290 "2022-05-23T17:43:07Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > I noticed during my trip that the Aussies seemed to eschew euphemism. Public buildings didn’t, for example, have restrooms or mens/ladies rooms - they had _Toilets_ . I think that’s a British English term generally - in Harry Potter, the bathroom was referred to as the toilet on several occasions. I keep forgetting to mention a sign outside an ice cream shop in Portland, Maine: “Ice Cream doesn’t ask questions. Ice cream just understands”. ---
**Author:** ![saucywench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@saucywench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucywench)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/291 "2022-05-24T03:06:31Z")
On a passing vehicle recently… ALCOHOL Because no great story ever started with a salad ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/292 "2022-05-24T03:25:50Z")
That is wonderful **Kimstu**. I saw a cartoon on Facebook recently that amused me. It shows a guy standing in front of St. Peter, at the gates of heaven. He says _“Oh, you’re little Bobby! Rex here has been talking about you for over fifty years!”_ Coming out the gates you see a little dog, running joyfully up for the reunion. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/293 "2022-05-24T03:54:01Z")
> [@simster](#): > > Heaven for Dogs is Hell for Squirrels. Damn Straight, Baby! And my Crew are the Keepers of the Gates! ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/294 "2022-05-24T14:33:19Z")
This looks like the place for this. 😃 [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/KlpqfrsW8Pw/hqdefault.jpg "Cat Snatches Squirrel Off Of Tree") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlpqfrsW8Pw) ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/295 "2022-05-24T14:45:18Z")
I don’t see why… No humor there. 🧐 ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/296 "2022-05-24T16:01:58Z")
I saw this some years ago in the British Virgin Islands. [![Imgur](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52515091823_f3d35df16d_z.jpg "Wheelz 04") ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/195486993@N02/) Throwing things in the urinals is strictly _optional_. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/297 "2022-05-24T16:16:39Z")
^Heh. In a Lolo (small, roadside restaurant) bathroom in Grand Case, St Martin there is a sign over the sink that says: **FOR WATER USE KNEE**. So, I finished peeing and went to wash my hands. There are no knobs to control water, no sensor to automatically turn it on, nothing. I wave my hands around with no joy. I read the sign. I think about the sign. Then, looking under the sink I see a wand/stick sort of thing. Pushing it causes the water to flow, releasing it stops the water. Have never seen a sink like that anywhere else. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/298 "2022-05-24T17:41:40Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Pushing it causes the water to flow, releasing it stops the water. Have never seen a sink like that anywhere else. Surgeons use similar sinks. Keeps the hands sterile. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/299 "2022-05-24T18:09:10Z")
Sorry - they were talking about “heaven for dogs, hell for squirrels.” To each their own, I guess. You can report it if you think it should be removed. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2022, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/300 "2022-05-24T22:25:06Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > Throwing things in the urinals is strictly _optional_ . Reminds me of a couple of signs you’ll see posted prominently at Aldi: “Free of certified artificial colors and flavors” Well, OK, there might be some artificial colors and flavors in there, but we won’t certify it. “Free of over 90 additives” (or whatever the number is) Sure, I can think of loads of things that aren’t added to the food. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564.md?page=16)