# Humorous signs and warnings **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [March 6, 2022, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564 "2022-03-06T15:16:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/141 "2022-03-23T17:15:45Z")
Thanks! We’re lucky we can grow anything. I like that cacti/succulents are easy (i.e. no care), but I also love how they look. I’ve noticed some of my neighbors using them, too, after I’d had mine for a while. That’s a camelia behind/next to the sign. It’s part of the condo plantings. Too bad it’s slightly too late for it to be in bloom, they’re really pretty – although the squirrels love to eat the hips. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/142 "2022-03-23T17:32:20Z")
**carrps** , I’ve located that sign online, on t-shirts AND sweatshirts. I’ll be ordering soon, since anything with a dachshund draws me in. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/143 "2022-03-23T17:49:34Z")
30+ years ago, a movie theatre was showing “Kiss of the Spider Woman”, “White Knights” (with Baryshnikov and Hines), and “Plenty” (with Meryl Streep). The way they set up the sign was: ```auto Kiss of the Baryshnikov Spider Woman Hines Meryl Streep White Knights Plenty In Stereo ``` with a lot less space between the two vertical sections, than I show here. We decided that Mr. Hines’ first name was Spider Woman, and that “Kiss of the Baryshnikov” would be an excellent title for a horror movie (about dancing?). We got a bumper sticker with an order from Penzey’s Spices. It reads Love People Cook Them Tasty Food We put this in the front cover of our recipe binder. I’m really tempted to cut off the last two words. “To Serve Mankind” indeed… ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/144 "2022-03-23T17:54:27Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > 30+ years ago, a movie theatre was showing “Kiss of the Spider Woman”, “White Knights” (with Baryshnikov and Hines), and “Plenty” (with Meryl Streep). I saw this on a theater marquee a couple years ago: “Lego Batman I am Not Your Negro” Going further back, a confluence of a new sci-fi movie and and employee shortage led to this at a local cinema: _Mission to Mars_ Now Hiring! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/145 "2022-03-23T17:59:21Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > We got a bumper sticker with an order from Penzey’s Spices. It reads > Love People > Cook Them Tasty Food > > We put this in the front cover of our recipe binder. I’m really tempted to cut off the last two words. “To Serve Mankind” indeed… We just added a comma to ours. Right after “them.” ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/146 "2022-03-23T18:46:28Z")
Max loves you, too! [![](https://i.imgur.com/ONA4fXY.jpeg) ](https://i.imgur.com/ONA4fXY.jpeg) Even if he’s too tired to show it. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/147 "2022-03-23T18:51:30Z")
Years ago, when driving thru Flemington, NJ, I drove past a strip mall, their marquee was advertising the pizza joint in the mall, also named after the town. **Flem Pizza** Snot a place I want to eat at. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/148 "2022-03-23T18:54:33Z")
Max could be a twin of Mauser!!! Same color and pale face. Also the laid back look to him. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/149 "2022-03-23T19:06:24Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > Years ago, when driving thru Flemington, NJ, I drove past a strip mall, their marquee was advertising the pizza joint in the mall, also named after the town. > > **Flem Pizza** > > Snot a place I want to eat at. - One large pepperoni, no string cheese. _Please._ ---
**Author:** ![Crane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crane/32/3495_2.png) [@Crane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crane)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/150 "2022-03-23T19:24:26Z")
Scenario for guard duty during USAF basic training: Guard - "Halt, who goes there " No answer Guard - "Who goes there " No answer Guard - “Are you gonna tell me who you is or am I gonna find out who you was” ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/151 "2022-03-23T19:32:13Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Max could be a twin of Mauser!!! Same color and pale face. Also the laid back look to him. Although Max is only, as we say, “mostly dachshund.” We got him from a dachshund rescue, but when we first saw him, we knew he was mixed with something. Still call him a doxie. And he’s only laid back if there’s no one to bark at or squirrels or crows to chase. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/152 "2022-03-23T20:16:40Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I saw this on a theater marquee a couple years ago I think they do it on purpose. Our local theater a few years ago had this: How to Train your Dragon 2 Deliver Us From Evil Jersey Boys ---
**Author:** ![jadielyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jadielyn/32/8808_2.png) [@jadielyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jadielyn)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/153 "2022-03-23T20:40:08Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > > [@ekedolphin](#): > > > > A green arrow on the left said “Passing side”. A red arrow on the right said “Suicide”. > > I came in here to specifically post my favorite variation on this. The arrow on the left said “Overtaker” and the arrow on the right said “Undertaker.” A few months back was eastbound and down through west Texas and saw this one. I don’t seem to be allowed to imbed media items, so here’s [an Imgur link.](https://imgur.com/a/7Dk9CNf) if that’s hard to read for anyone, it’s a semi trailer with an arrow to the left marked “El Paso”, to the right “El Smasho”. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/154 "2022-03-23T20:43:04Z")
Note: if you put the imgur link on a line by itself, the picture will magically appear, thusly. Click to see the whole thing. [[Album] Pass/No Pass ![](https://i.imgur.com/qLA1f8P.jpeg?fb "Pass/No Pass") ](https://imgur.com/a/7Dk9CNf) If you want the whole image to appear, right click on the imgur image (on the imgur site) and choose “open image in new tab,” the paste the link from the URL bar. [![](https://i.imgur.com/qLA1f8P.jpeg) ](https://i.imgur.com/qLA1f8P.jpeg) ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/155 "2022-03-23T23:01:40Z")
While waiting in the George Washington Bridge toll queue one day I was behind a semi that had G.O.D. in huge letters on the rear doors. Only when I pulled beside it did I see “Guaranteed Overnight Delivery”. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/156 "2022-03-23T23:05:11Z")
Oh, and The Commonwealth of Virginia has or had a vanity plate option that had Kids First across the bottom edge of the plate. One wag chose the message to go above that, Eat The. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/157 "2022-03-23T23:25:45Z")
This actually happened. [https://www.flickr.com/photos/lanafaith/2374755218](https://www.flickr.com/photos/lanafaith/2374755218) ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/158 "2022-03-24T01:14:34Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > We just added a comma to ours. Right after “them.” Dang it, now I need to find our stash of Sharpies. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/159 "2022-03-24T07:51:26Z")
Cinema marquee for a double feature back in the '70s: **VANNIE** | **CARRESSA** (Instead of _ **Carrie** _ and _ **Vanessa** _. I don’t remember where the extra **N** came from.) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564/160 "2022-03-24T11:56:30Z")
> [@Ignatz](#): > > While waiting in the George Washington Bridge toll queue one day I was behind a semi that had G.O.D. in huge letters on the rear doors. Only when I pulled beside it did I see “Guaranteed Overnight Delivery”. I’ve seen these trucks lots of times. Jack Chalker, science fiction and fantasy author, wrote a trilogy about a supernatural company named G.O.D. Incorporated, unaware that a real company named G.O.D. existed. (I don’t recall what “G.O.D.” stood for in Chalker’s books, but they were responsible for a lot of the cheap stuff advertised on late night TV, and which was imported from another dimension). I was at a convention attending a lecture by Chalker, in which he told us that he was waiting at a traffic light when a truck with “G.O.D.” pulled up behind him and stopped. He said he freaked out. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/humorous-signs-and-warnings/960564.md?page=9)