# Hunger for group membership **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [September 8, 2024, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hunger-for-group-membership/1006971 "2024-09-08T21:28:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2024, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hunger-for-group-membership/1006971/121 "2024-10-25T17:25:43Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > Of course it is. But first an introvert needs to understand that the difficult is worth it. The tricks and tips can be learned. I mean… that’s true, but I was incapable of understanding why it might be worth it until I was able to learn enough socialization to see how that might be the case, which I wasn’t able to do until I was able to be with people who were like myself. Until then I was just sort of flailing around, and if you’d told me, “You need to network!” I’d have been like, “I don’t even know how to be friends with the kids at school, why are you even talking to me about this?” So it’s a little bit of a back and forth for sure, but that dance began with being with people like myself so that I could understand on a visceral level (as well as get practice) how and why I could socialize with them. I’m seeing that now with my kid as well. I could preach to her (and did) until I was blue in the face about how it was important to learn social skills and how you could get useful information and opportunities etc from other people, but it didn’t really take at the time. She didn’t see viscerally that it was important until she started hanging around other kids who liked math and started seeing that she might like to be friends with them, after all. Relatedly, my parents had a copy of Dale Carnegie’s _How to Win Friends and Influence People_ around the house. I loved that book! And learned lessons from that book that I found very useful… later. But when I first read it as a young adolescent I had no idea how to apply it at all. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2024, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hunger-for-group-membership/1006971/122 "2024-10-25T17:33:19Z")
Sounds like true introvert behavior. I couldn’t have absorbed and applied the advice until way past my teens. But I might have listened to concrete suggestions like “talk to your professors; that’s why they have office hours.” ---
**Author:** ![schwim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/schwim/32/17778_2.png) [@schwim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schwim)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2024, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hunger-for-group-membership/1006971/123 "2024-10-25T21:54:01Z")
In response to the OP, I think it’s more accurate to say that the most visible of these groups are what’s forming your opinion. For every “introvert” on a social platform interacting with the world to explain how terrified they are of interacting with the world, there are thousands of people that hide from any interaction due to true fear of it. For every trans person with an Insta or Onlyfans sexualizing the group, there are tons of people just trying to feel better in their own skin regardless of what others think of it. For every person putting their Tourette syndrome on display for their followers in exchange for ad dollars, there’s tons of people that feel trapped in their homes due to not wanting to have a bad episode in public. Etc. for every group you can think of. There will always be a percentage of people in any group that turn it into an incredibly public affair, whether or not it needs to be. ---
**Author:** ![Ahill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Ahill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ahill)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2024, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hunger-for-group-membership/1006971/124 "2024-10-28T05:49:18Z")
I don’t know, if talking about medical conditions, it has developed itself to give diagnosis to what before was seen as laziness. For example, many students with ADHD were treated in the past as lazy, as lacking motivation, as “hopeless” even by some BS teachers. With more diagnosis of ADHD and it becoming more well known and accessible, it is a positive thing so people know they have ways to deal with what they lack not for fault of their own. Though diagnosis of adhd arguably inflates more with ppl seeking performance improvement and thus wanting to have ADHD, or getting meds with no prescriptions to handle with pressure and tasks. Societal groups are always a valid form of expression (depending on the group tho, not a racist, sexist or whatever shit)… Group that defends rights of minorities maybe have increase (or maybe hasn’t…), I mean, in a certain aspect of society it has. But strong response due to social panic, the panic of “society is sick” makes ppl pay way more attention in a bad way to gatherings, to labels, to shared communities (that are totally valuable and needed ones) and thus, make what is not an issue, an issue… ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2024, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hunger-for-group-membership/1006971/125 "2024-10-31T23:53:17Z")
> [@raspberry\_hunter](#): > > The autism / ADHD thing is interesting. In my experience, some of the people I know with ADHD have rigidity issues of the same kind that I know are present with autism. And I know at least one person who was erroneously diagnosed with ADHD first and then found out that no, actually, he didn’t have ADHD at all, he was autistic. So there is definitely some overlap with symptoms if not with underlying causes. Yeah. I hadn’t realised how much of an overlap there is until recently. I’ve started to think I may have ADHD as well, something I would never have considered for a moment when I was younger. I certainly have a lot of the symptoms. > [@DSeid](#): > > Well they are both umbrella descriptive terms, constructs that we created to organize the diversity. Some of that diversity fits more clearly into one box, some the other, and some not. Agreed. Most mental health issues are like this too. We can see patterns in the problems people have, but still don’t really understand what’s going on. > [@carrps](#): > > This is the definition of “introvert” that I’d only heard within the last 5-10 years. And it makes the most sense to me. I can go to parties and have fun. People looking at me may think I really enjoy parties… and I do BUT only to a certain extent. The idea of getting/losing energy makes a lot more sense to me as a way to identify introverts vs. extroverts than who’s a party animal and who’s not. Is this really, truly a thing? I don’t think I gain or lose energy from being with other people (what is this energy, exactly?). If I’m alone too long, I get lonely and want to spend time with other people. If I spend a lot of time with other people, I feel overwhelmed and want to be alone. Aren’t most people somewhere in the middle of the scale? > [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > Advice I would give to my younger self, and to all other introverts who find it difficult to join groups and deal with strangers, is: network, network, network. I’ll add it to the To Do list of life-improving things that I never get around to. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hunger-for-group-membership/1006971.md?page=6)