# Husband lusting for Mother-in-law **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 27, 2000, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-lusting-for-mother-in-law/38657 "2000-10-27T20:39:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lazarus7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/67e7ee/32.png) [@Lazarus7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazarus7)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2000, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-lusting-for-mother-in-law/38657/21 "2000-10-28T02:06:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jodi \* > \*\*I had a boyfriend once who confessed to thinking my sister was “hot” and who said he’d like to sleep with her except she was “such a bitch.” I was never able to determine which part was supposed to comfort me (she’s hot/she’s a bitch) and which part was supposed to piss me off (she’s hot/she’s a bitch). As it turned out, they BOTH pissed me off – nothing says “Cold Shower!” like hearing your BF has a thing for your sister, and I happen to love her a lot – and I kicked him to the curb immediately. Ick. > \*\* Ummm … my wife’s sister is hot! … and I have told her so. I think sisters is a fairly common fantasy (I will be corrected quickly if I am wrong) … I have told my wife this as well. She is ok with that … I mean, I married her … not her sister. I think, if anything, that would be an ego boost! (assuming of course she thinks I am a catch … which I hope she thinks!) ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2000, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-lusting-for-mother-in-law/38657/22 "2000-10-28T05:41:33Z")
You folks have really bought into the cultural stereotypes that we’ve built up. **poopah chalupa** and **Smeghead** (combined) came closest to a realistic answer. The reason that our society makes such a big deal (especially in humor) about the friction between sons-in-law and mother-in-law is to provide a barrier between them. Other societies have handled it in different ways: several Polynesian cultures have a tabu against a man’s shadow touching that of his mother-in-law. The stereotypical joke in our society has the MIL constantly nagging her daughter about how much better a match she could have made. I have found the reality to be much different. While the wife’s mother _can_ be a termagant, most guys get on better with their wives’ mothers than their wives’ fathers, while most women deal better with their father-in-law than with _their_ mother-in-law. (Don’t chip in with your exception; I’m talking generalities and I think they hold.) Stop and think about it. A man’s mother-in-law is generally a moderately good indicator of what his wife will look like in a few years. In the case of a 21 year old man with a 46 year old mother-in-law, if she has kept up her appearance at all (hardly an unlikely proposition–we’re talking 46, not 86) he could be looking at a very “ripe” and mature image of the pretty, but still not fully “fleshed out” 21 year old to whom he is married. My MIL is a very attractive woman at 70, and she was actually pretty hot at 50. Now, where the OP’s husband _does_ get strange (and more than strange) is not in recognizing that his MIL is desirable, but in conveying that information to his wife–and then pursuing that line of thought to the point of expressed fantasies. (However attractive my MIL is/was, I made a point of never fantasizing about her, and if a wayward thought had crossed my mind, I was way too smart to have mentioned it to my wife. _Dwelling_ on the subject _is_ pretty strange. (He seems to be the sort of person for whom the Polynesian tabu was specifically designed.)) ---
**Author:** ![cool\_chic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@cool\_chic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cool_chic)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2000, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-lusting-for-mother-in-law/38657/23 "2000-10-28T06:32:59Z")
Thanks for all your great replies/advise!! I did a little research on the internet, apparently this happens quite often. This is all weird for me too…I mean a couple weeks ago all I could hear about was one of my best friends, and how HOT she was! Maybe he is going through some kind of faise!! I talked with him this evening, and he said it is more of the “older woman” aspect of it all. That he was using my mothers age as an example of what he is fantasising about. I don’t know, lets just hope this all blows under the rug one day real soon! Cause it is wearing thin on me!! Thankyou all! ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2000, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-lusting-for-mother-in-law/38657/24 "2000-10-28T06:59:29Z")
_where have you done Joe DiMagio Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you what’s that you say Mrs. Robinson? Joltin’ Joe has left and gone away?_ Sorry, I couldn’t resist.Seriously though, every guy hears a lot of stuff growing up, and usually end up fixating on some really strange stuff. One of the lines we hear is about the experience(thanks Ben Franklin) and eagerness of older women. My guess is that he has the typical confusion about relationships and happened to focus on that point in his wondering. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2000, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-lusting-for-mother-in-law/38657/25 "2000-10-28T07:01:16Z")
Damn I don’t even want to think about the Freudian significance of that typo, done = gone obviously. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2000, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-lusting-for-mother-in-law/38657/26 "2000-10-28T20:56:29Z")
I’m curious…in any of these cases, does the _father-in-law_ know about it? Perhaps if he is present with his wife (OK, even if he is a _step_father-in-law or a “significant other,” even), his daughter’s husband might just suppress his own “lust.” As long as the situation hasn’t deteriorated to the point that going to a marriage counselor is in order…☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-lusting-for-mother-in-law/38657.md?page=1)