# Husband refuses to remove spider. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 16, 2009, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617 "2009-05-16T05:52:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/21 "2009-05-17T02:33:59Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > All due respect, but I must disagree. The BED is the most vulnerable place to be. Cause that’s where spiders hiding inside your pillow crawl over you while you’re half asleep. Specifically, that’s where spiders run around on your buzzcut head. And half-wake you because it feels like a draft. And then the horror hits like rabid Muhammad Ali on PCP, exponentially intensified by the fact that the rational part of your brain isn’t there to tap its metaphorical foot and contemptuously tell you to chill and remind you the itty bitty bug won’t eat you (even though by now, Mr. Cortex should have rationally grokked that it’s not helping) > > No, no relation to any recent event in my life whatsoever, why would you think that ? Well, I did think of beds but the thought of bugs even considering going near my bed is just so horrifying that I can’t live in a world where it happens. Therefore, I don’t. I said, I don’t! LALALALALA _fingers in ears_ I can’t hear you; bugs know not to go near beds, it just won’t happen, won’t! True story–was talking about bug stories with a friend and he mentioned finding one in his bed one time. A roach. I actually got a little weak in the knees out of fear and he had to promise that it was months and months ago before I would go into his apartment at all. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/22 "2009-05-17T02:37:33Z")
So you’re mad at your husband for not wanting to fully wake up, go into the bathroom, and get rid of an already dead spider corpse? Quit being such a baby! He’s absolutely right- it’s not going anywhere and he can deal with it in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/23 "2009-05-17T02:40:39Z")
> [@bump](#): > > So you’re mad at your husband for not wanting to fully wake up, go into the bathroom, and get rid of an already dead spider corpse? > > Quit being such a baby! He’s absolutely right- it’s not going anywhere and he can deal with it in the morning. It wasn’t dead! It was still alive! And god knows where it is now. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/24 "2009-05-17T03:30:21Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > It wasn’t dead! It was still alive! And god knows where it is now. Probably in your underwear drawer. ---
**Author:** ![dragonlady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@dragonlady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragonlady)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/25 "2009-05-17T04:15:21Z")
I understand completely, I’m that way about mice. I could not have slept in the house if I knew a mouse was there. My KIDS (now grown) know this and have removed rodents from the house. The cats bring them in, sometimes, in varying stages of life. THEY don’t get the “Food Goddess” hates rodents issue! VERY inconsiderate, at the very least, since he obviously knows how much spiders upset you… ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/26 "2009-05-17T04:15:44Z")
> [@supergoose](#): > > Yeah, but \*what \*cultural difference, exactly? Well, if you’ve watched any nature shows, you know that there are two kinds of birds, right? One where the male does all sorts of things to impress the female. He builds elaborate nests, has elaborate plumes, fights off rivals, the works. And then there’s other species of birds where the male is just as dull colored brown as the female. Courtship consists of the male or female (it could be anyone of the two) hopping up the other bird, taking her out where each bird pays for him/herself, and asking: "Hey, how about it we marry?’ And the other bird (if you have subtitles) goes: “Mm..okay”. Well, the second type of birds are Dutch. Dutch guys and girls, on average, lack the whole romance/predatory gene. Courtship is blunt and to the point and equality between the sexes is supposed to exist to a far bigger degree then in other cultures. That also is true for sex. In another culture, a woman witholding sex fits an existing pattern that holds a implicit compliment to her guy that _he_ is the red blooded male with needs, brave, and that she is a pure lilywhite damsel he has to slay dragons for in order to have sex. Over here in Holland, sex is something you do it you both feel like it. It is not a power thing, on either side. For Dutch men, sex seems is far less charged with emotion, (other then closeness). It seems less charged for them. Less needed, actually. A Dutch woman trying to make sex a challenge for her husband would not even be understood. Her husband would assume that she herself would indicate when she felt like sex again, and patiently wait while she comes 'round in her own time. Dutch guys are what you get when you take feminism far, perhaps too far. On the other hand, women have less power here then they have in the states. It is a cultural diference betwen the USA and Holland, but one I have not yet fully understood. As you can imagine, Valentine’s day never got big here. ETA: I even fond a sociolocical [study](http://www.provenmodels.com/11/five-dimensions-of-culture/hofstede) explaining it! ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/27 "2009-05-17T04:24:51Z")
Here’s a better link to the same [study.](http://www.academic-reading.nl/demo/reading_to_learn01.htm) > [@](#): > > Masculinity/femininity (MAS) > > 1. The masculinity (MAS) dimension can be defined as follows: “the dominant values in a masculine society are achievement and success, the dominant values in a feminine society are caring for others and quality of life.” In masculine societies, performance and achievement are important. Status is important to show success. There is a tendency to polarize: Big and fast are beautiful. Feminine societies, those scoring low of the masculinity index, are more service-oriented, have a people orientation: Small is beautiful. There is a tendency to strive for consensus. Quality of life is more important than winning. Status is less important for showing success, or success is not demonstrated at all. Being a “winner” is positive in masculine societies and is negative in feminine societies. In masculine cultures, children learn to admire the strong. In feminine cultures, children learn sympathy for the underdog, the loser. > > 2. Sweden is lowest on the masculinity dimension, Japan highest. All Anglo-Saxon countries score high on masculinity; the Scandinavian countries and the Netherlands score low. Countries in Central America score lower on masculinity than those in South America and North America. > > 3. In feminine cultures such as the Scandinavian and the Dutch, you are not supposed to hurt other people’s feelings, not supposed to win, but rather to have more respect for the loser, the underdog. The Dutch are said to be blunt, or, to put it softly, straightforward. This is explained by not wanting to hurt other people’s feelings: Not being straightforward is seen as devious, thus as hurting people. > > 4. A consequence of this dimension is role differentiation: small in feminine societies, large in masculine societies. In feminine cultures, males can typically take female jobs without being seen as “sissy.” In Germany (high on masculinity), household work is less shared between husband and wife than in the Netherlands (low on masculinity). Masculinity versus femininity of cultures is recognized in many expressions. Americans call a problem a challenge. Their society is an opportunity society, as opposed to a welfare state. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/28 "2009-05-17T08:50:16Z")
Hmm- I’d remove a spider for future bangs. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/29 "2009-05-17T09:02:05Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > Hmm- I’d remove a spider for future bangs. Save the species. Remove a spider. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/30 "2009-05-17T09:07:02Z")
I always was easy. Will bang for spiders- or such… ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/31 "2009-05-17T09:41:56Z")
I don’t think my husband would have been able to sleep after that. No, not at all. I’m quite sure of it. He hates it when I start tossing and turning and whimpering and sighing and knee-jerking and elbowing and screaming from bad dreams about spiders. And that’s what would **surely** happen if he refused to get up and kill the monsters. Ya know? ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/32 "2009-05-17T10:27:36Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > I don’t think my husband would have been able to sleep after that. No, not at all. I’m quite sure of it. He hates it when I start tossing and turning and whimpering and sighing and knee-jerking and elbowing and screaming from bad dreams about spiders. And that’s what would **surely** happen if he refused to get up and kill the monsters. Ya know? Now THAT might have worked. 🙂 But at the time, I was too tired for that as well. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/33 "2009-05-17T10:44:38Z")
It’s just a spider. Unless it’s one of those few species that are actually dangerous, don’t expect people to drop everything to deal with the non-problem. It’s not cute, it’s annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/34 "2009-05-17T15:07:45Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > It’s just a spider. Unless it’s one of those few species that are actually dangerous, don’t expect people to drop everything to deal with the non-problem. It’s not cute, it’s annoying. Not “people”. Husband. And he wasn’t asleep, he had gone to bed four minutes ago and was waiting for me to come to bed, too. I take it you are not married? ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/35 "2009-05-17T15:10:07Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > It’s just a spider. What part of “phobias aren’t rational” aren’t you understanding? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/36 "2009-05-17T15:18:42Z")
> [@Gorsnak](#): > > What part of “phobias aren’t rational” aren’t you understanding? Yeah…It’s a small, but annoying thing to get up and go remove the spider, but a huge thing for the person terrified of it. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2009, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/37 "2009-05-18T14:57:17Z")
**Maastricht** , my sympathies. I’m also terrified of spiders. Terr-i-freaking-fied. Yes, there’s no rational reason for it. Tell that to my reptilian brain that’s huddled over in the corner, freaking right the hell out. However, I’m also equipped with a grade A, proper dragon-slaying husband. While he’s more of a live-and-let-live kinda guy (meaning he’d prefer to either leave it alone or put it outside), he’ll totally kill all my spiders. Because he knows that I’m scared of them. He’s outstanding. ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/38 "2009-05-18T16:27:27Z")
I just assumed that the “knight in shining armor” thing was universal among males. I enjoy (well not actually “enjoy”) killing spiders for my wife because it’s such a simple thing to do and she’s physically/mentally incapable of doing it. Something akin to gettin something off of the top shelf of the pantry since I’m a foot taller than my wife. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2009, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/39 "2009-05-18T17:36:36Z")
Spiders don’t bother me, fortunately. Snakes, on the other hand…(fortunately, you’re less likely to find a snake in the house. Because I wouldn’t be there – I’d be out there door, screaming in my nightgown) ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617/40 "2009-05-18T17:55:01Z")
My husband would get straight up \*killed \*if he tried to pull that. I’m also afraid of spiders. I’ve had nightmares about spiders. I’ve sustained several minor injuries while frantically trying to evade spiders. Once I see one, I’m on edge all day. If the hair in my ponytail grazes my shoulder, I flip out and remain nervous for hours. Upon marrying me it was agreed that _at any time_ I could call on the spouse for spider removal. I try not to abuse this right, but if I’m trapped in the shower, there may need to be a brief slumber interruption. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husband-refuses-to-remove-spider/496617.md?page=3)