# Husbands: are you like this? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 31, 2009, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895 "2009-07-31T18:31:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2009, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/41 "2009-08-02T05:19:28Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > I am astonished at those who get sex so irregularly (not a criticism). I thought every night (nature allowing) was pretty normal. On the weekends you always have a lunch break for a bit of slap and tickle so you keep in the mood. You’ve been watching way too much porn. 😛 Sometimes life gets in the way, and when you have kids they get in the way too. There is an optimal time between sex which varies with age. I don’t know if a day was ever it for me, that would be too much at my age now. (Not from ability, from enjoyment.) 2 weeks is way too long for us. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2009, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/42 "2009-08-02T19:45:58Z")
> [@Mom-of-Andrew](#): > > (bolding mine) > > Yeesh. It was 40 pounds. Over 17 years. I was 110lbs when we met, and my weight creeped up to 150 by January. Strangely enough, the 15 pounds I’ve lost kind of creeped off, too. I was making healthier lifestyle choices and noticed a couple of months back that I was losing weight. > > I apologize to the OP, but my ego wouldn’t let me leave it alone. :rolleyes: > /end hijack// I wasn’t referring to you. I was trying to think of anything that might make my husband unattractive to me and thought I probably wouldn’t notice weight gain on him unless it had been significant, like around 50 pounds. And I know what you mean about weight creep - mine has crept up quite a bit since we got married; even moreso since we began having kids. After a health scare (not a heart attack or anything, just really bad cholesterol numbers), I dumped 25 pounds and 70 cholesterol points. My husband claimed that he didn’t notice that I had gained weight, but after I lost it, all of a sudden he kept telling me how hot I looked, so I’m sure he had but didn’t say anything. Anyway, my point was that I could see where sex wouldn’t happen as often as you might like; there are crazy schedules to deal with, sometimes kids, and friends and family eat up a lot of time. It doesn’t take much for the day and night to get away from you. Heck, it doesn’t take much for the week to get away from us when my husband works so many late hours or if I’ve been traveling for work or am tired from carrying around a basketball in my belly. I’d love to have sex more, but I’m glad we’re at least having sex much more than we had been immediately after our son was born. Hopefully that trend will continue or at least we’ll improve more quickly after #2 is born. We’ll see, though. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2009, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/43 "2009-08-02T21:28:09Z")
> [@3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](#): > > My wife and I have been married 16 years and for each and every one of those years I would take sex anytime and anywhere it was offered. > > I’m a guy. And proud of it. I almost could’ve written this. We’ll celebrate our 19th anniversary next week. Although we each have our flaws, I think my wife and I are very well-matched. **carlotta** , you remind me of the old joke about the man whose doctor tells him he’s developed a severe heart condition and must avoid absolutely any form of exertion, especially sex. The man goes home, dejected. He and his wife had always had a lively sex life, but they reluctantly agree that he should have his bed moved to the first floor while she’ll keep hers on the second, to avoid any fatal temptation. One night passes, then two, and late the third night they bump into each other on the stairs. “I have to admit, honey,” the man says ruefully, “I was just coming upstairs to commit suicide.” “That’s good, sweetie,” she says, kissing him, “because I was just coming downstairs to kill you!” ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/44 "2009-08-06T18:17:07Z")
Thanks for all the replies, boys and girls. They have been very informative. > [@billfish678](#): > > Not to burst your “I’m sexy bubble” or anyone elses for that matter. > > It could just as easily be he is a horndog and your passable enough for the required horndoggin. > > Just because a guy doesnt fuck you every chance he has doesnt mean he doesnt like you or love you. Because he does doesnt mean he does either. While I agree with great gusto… Just because your hubby might be a horndog (though through conversations with his old girlfriends, he actually isn’t), doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, like you and find you sexy. A doesn’t imply B does not mean that A excludes B. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/45 "2009-08-06T18:27:29Z")
> [@Mosier](#): > > That’s what I always figured was the difference between men and women’s sex drive. Guys don’t need to be in a particular mood. We don’t need to be romanced and charmed and swept off our feet. If you want sex from us, you’ll have it in whatever time it takes us to drop our pants, with no special preparation required. Maybe true for most guys, but not me. A good deal of the time I’d be fine for it, but if I’m engaged in something, I’ll probably want to finish it. > [@Mosier](#): > > Everyone needs to read this and understand that it is the gospel truth. Sex is not, not, NOT love, to guys. Not even good sex. It may make us seem shallow, but keep in mind that I’m not saying guys are incapable of love. I love my wife with all my heart, but the amount of my love for her doesn’t influence my sex drive even one little bit, and I’d fuck her brains out even if I completely hated her guts (which I certainly don’t). Guys with less of a sex drive might love their wife with all their heart, but just don’t feel like having sex, because sex and love don’t even live in the same zip code. Again, not true for me. I can’t imagine having sex with someone you hate. If I wouldn’t want to have dinner with her, I don’t want a show either. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/46 "2009-08-06T18:37:11Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > He will have sex with me anytime, anywhere. Doesn’t matter if he is sick, tired or if I am wearing my schlumpy sweatpants. He still thinks I am sexy. > > I just thought that is how hubbies were? Was I mistaken? > > Please enlighten me. I can’t really say for sure; I don’t even know you. But as a general rule of thumb I only have sex with my wife. No offense! ---
**Author:** ![Jerseyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@Jerseyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jerseyman)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/47 "2009-08-06T18:56:57Z")
‘Having sex’ and ‘Making love’ are different things as far as I’m concerned. The second usually includes the first. ‘Having sex’ just to get your rocks off without caring how your partner feels about it or whether she even wants to, or going into a sulk or self-pity because she won’t is barely one step away from being ready to hold her down if she puts up a fight. It’s only fun for me when it’s fun for her. I’m surprised at how many women just talking to or discussing over the Net (not in bed!) have found that really offensive. They make it sound as if they’d prefer somebody to get on with it whatever their feelings. ---
**Author:** ![RedBloom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dbc845/32.png) [@RedBloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedBloom)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/48 "2009-08-06T21:14:07Z")
My husband is a walking boner. Not a pervert, but he could do it anywhere/anytime. 2x a day would be his ideal. No, he doesn’t get that, but we’re getting better now that the kids are getting slightly older. I’ve realized how important sex is in a marriage (his online affair was my first clue). If your hubby isn’t satisfied, many of them will get it elsewhere, whether you believe it or not. ---
**Author:** ![IdahoMauleMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/71c47a/32.png) [@IdahoMauleMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IdahoMauleMan)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/49 "2009-08-06T21:58:11Z")
> [@3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](#): > > My wife and I have been married 16 years and for each and every one of those years I would take sex anytime and anywhere it was offered. > > I’m a guy. And proud of it. And in the 40-44 age bracket, by the looks of it. Did you qualify? ---
**Author:** ![3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/47e85d/32.png) [@3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3_20_59_or_bust)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/50 "2009-08-06T23:56:51Z")
> [@IdahoMauleMan](#): > > And in the 40-44 age bracket, by the looks of it. Did you qualify? Not yet, but I’ve still got three years to work my way there. ---
**Author:** ![chorpler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chorpler/32/2888_2.png) [@chorpler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chorpler)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/51 "2009-08-07T10:51:40Z")
> [@Jerseyman](#): > > It’s only fun for me when it’s fun for her. I’m surprised at how many women just talking to or discussing over the Net (not in bed!) have found that really offensive. They make it sound as if they’d prefer somebody to get on with it whatever their feelings. I don’t understand – are you saying that women find it offensive that it’s only fun for you if it’s fun for her? Why on earth would that be offensive? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/52 "2009-08-07T13:44:09Z")
I guess I’m like the OP’s husband, however I have turned my wife down a few (maybe 4) times in our 11 years of marriage and 24 years of knowing each other. Each time it was when I would have otherwise jumped at it, but was suffering from some intestinal distress which would have caused us to clean much more of the bedroom than either of us would want, if you get my meaning. I used to initiate it about 80% of the time, but recently I’ve been on some prostate meds which have somewhat dampened my libido, so it’s not always on my mind to the extent it used to be. But even with that, we still manage 3-4 encounters a week, and now we both initiate it about the same amount. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/53 "2009-08-07T14:53:39Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > I think it’s all about chemistry. > > My ex-wife and I did it all the time right up to our divorce. > > In hindsight it’s kind of funny to think about. During the bad years; we would argue, pretend to make up, have sex and then go right back to arguing. This. Some of the worst overall relationships I was in, the sex was great. I think that the chemistry is important, and both parties need to keep trying to be attractive to the other. Don’t put on 100 lbs., come home and put on your sweat pants with holes in them, belch and fart all of the time, and then wonder why your spouse doesn’t find you attractive anymore. Hint: It’s because you aren’t attractive anymore. I know that sounds mean, but honesty is helpful in a relationship.. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/54 "2009-08-07T16:11:35Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > Inspired by the thread [They’re called ‘f\*ck me’ shoes for a reason!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=526059) > > I realized that I may be taking my husband for granted. > > He will have sex with me anytime, anywhere. Doesn’t matter if he is sick, tired or if I am wearing my schlumpy sweatpants. He still thinks I am sexy. > > I just thought that is how hubbies were? Was I mistaken? > > Please enlighten me. Are we married to the same man? My husband and I have been together for nearly 14 years now. We broke up for a year about 6 years ago, then got back together and got married. I can’t remember any single time that he’s been too tired/preoccupied/sick for sex. He has the libido of a 16 year old (he’s 39). Even when he had some life-saving surgery he managed to get a quicky while he was still all stitched up like an old shoe. I know not all men are like that. I also know that it doesn’t have to do with how much he loves me (and I believe he does), but it’s nice to have a restaurant open 24/7 nearby. You never know when hunger will strike. > [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > I would guess that **perfectparanoia** ’s husband is either a sex maniac, [snip] You say that like it’s a bad thing. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/55 "2009-08-07T17:41:11Z")
Male, married 27 years so far. While I can’t say I never turned her down, it isn’t common for us. She’s hot and she knows what I like. I have to be pretty badly off before I would say No to that. I always assumed that was normal. Different people have different levels of libido. If they find a way to make it work, more power to them. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895/56 "2009-08-07T18:03:23Z")
> [@Mighty\_Girl](#): > > I know not all men are like that. I also know that it doesn’t have to do with how much he loves me (and I believe he does), but it’s nice to have a restaurant open 24/7 nearby. You never know when hunger will strike. Methinks you have just hit the nail on the head. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-are-you-like-this/504895.md?page=2)