# Husbands, how do you cope.. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 26, 2011, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632 "2011-09-26T04:36:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/21 "2011-09-26T14:44:20Z")
Stay out of her way. Haven’t done any MMORPG lately? Fill up a thermos (making sure to replace the coffee you took), reconnect with your guild & steer clear the rough weather. If you get hungry, ask what restaurant she’d like you to go out & get Take Out for her from. If she stares at you coldly while reaching for a chef’s knife & says, “I’m. _Cooking_. Dinner.” have they keys in your hand & tell her you’re going out to get gasoline. Being just 3 steps closer to the car & having the keys in your hand _could_ just save your life… ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/22 "2011-09-26T14:47:43Z")
I don’t get really bad PMS more than a few times a year, so it’s not usually a big issue. Also, PMS doesn’t generally make me a frothing psycho. All it does is make me a lot less likely to let something slide that I would often just ignore. So, if my husband says something jerkish or forgets to do something he agreed to do, I’m a lot less likely to let it slide if I’m PMSing. One could make the argument that it just stops me being too accommodating. The only time I’ve acted like a jerk during PMS has been times when PMS occurred at the same time as periods of _extreme_ stress, where I felt like shit and at the same time I was under a ton of pressure. I think most people get kind of pissy in that situation, though. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/23 "2011-09-26T15:04:54Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > It doesn’t matter how moody or irritable I am, I do not let it affect the people around me. I try not to - but some days are just bad and a sour mood effects those around you. I’m not always able to ‘fake’ happy. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/24 "2011-09-26T15:11:35Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > It’s not, but as a severe PMS sufferer I can tell you that a lot of times you only realize your jerkishness in retrospect. It all seems so totally logical and justified in the moment. For me it’s more like **RAGE rage rage justified rage** , and then the realization that I am being irrational. So, I apologize and then 90% of the time I start to cry and talk about what a jerk I am and how no one should have to put up with me. Minutes later, it can be **RAGE rage rage justified rage** again. ---
**Author:** ![Indian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/25 "2011-09-26T15:13:48Z")
[quote=“Acsenray, post:20, topic:597632”] If only. No, “leaving her alone” is usually not an option. I meant it as ‘stay out of her way’ . ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/26 "2011-09-26T15:19:04Z")
She deals with my mood swings, I deal with hers. It’s all part of the deluxe package. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/27 "2011-09-26T15:19:30Z")
> [@Meatros](#): > > I try not to - but some days are just bad and a sour mood effects those around you. I’m not always able to ‘fake’ happy. I don’t have to fake happy. I just am not unpleasant to the people around me. ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/28 "2011-09-26T15:30:36Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > _I_ say PMS is not carte blanche to be a jerk to your loved one and your other half. See also: not all of us have mood swings, either. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/29 "2011-09-26T15:41:10Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I don’t have to fake happy. I just am not unpleasant to the people around me. I’m not sure what to make of this. Are you implying that people who care about you cannot tell when you are upset or are you saying you don’t get upset or something entirely different? When I’m moody I’m not unpleasant, exactly - I don’t lash out on people or anything (_usually_) - but anyone who knows me will know that I’m not happy. This will effect them because they care about me. ---
**Author:** ![Indian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/30 "2011-09-26T15:45:54Z")
> [@romansperson](#): > > See also: not all of us have mood swings, either. Are you able to control your mood swings and the resultant behaviour? Or is it that you don’t have mood swings **at all?** ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/31 "2011-09-26T15:51:57Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > It doesn’t matter how moody or irritable I am, I do not let it affect the people around me. Ditto. I don’t understand people who have to spread the misery. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/32 "2011-09-26T15:54:44Z")
I don’t really have mood swings either. I’m just lucky. I tend to be a little more weepy (as it tearing up at cheesy commercials and crying babies) coming up to my period, but it’s not a big deal and I keep it to myself. I don’t get irritable at all, and it’s not bad enough that I break down crying. I don’t think my SO notices. My mom and dad fought terribly… one week per month. She never would admit it meant anything that it was always the week before her period that she was a raving bitch, though. My dad knew and tried to avoid her/keep her calm, but it didn’t work. Mood swings aren’t always controllable, unfortunately. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/33 "2011-09-26T15:56:58Z")
> [@indian](#): > > Are you able to control your mood swings and the resultant behaviour? Or is it that you don’t have mood swings **at all?** I do not have mood swings that are tied to menstruation (I have also never had a menstrual cramp). Like all humans, including men (!), I can be in a bad mood at times. However, these are not “swings” (they don’t suddenly arise or suddenly depart) and they do not occur on a schedule. Both my husband and I can be very crabby when we are hungry. It’s something we have in common. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/34 "2011-09-26T16:00:01Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Ditto. I don’t understand people who have to spread the misery. The worst is when it’s your boss being a bitch. You can’t do a damn thing! I understand that sometimes you just can’t help snapping, but it behooves people to realize the aspect of their behavior and do something about it. Too many times I’ve seen women use it as an excuse to be bitches! And that just makes us look bad. I do get weepy when it comes to that time of the month, and it’s particularly hard when my dad is bothering me too much at that time, because nothing stresses me more than family. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/35 "2011-09-26T16:03:13Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > _I_ say PMS is not carte blanche to be a jerk to your loved one and your other half. My sentiments exactly. Glad to see there are women who hold this opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/36 "2011-09-26T16:07:36Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > I do not have mood swings that are tied to menstruation (I have also never had a menstrual cramp). Like all humans, including men (!), I can be in a bad mood at times. However, these are not “swings” (they don’t suddenly arise or suddenly depart) and they do not occur on a schedule. > > Both my husband and I can be very crabby when we are hungry. It’s something we have in common. 😃 I suppose I’m equivocating on ‘mood swing’ and ‘bad mood’. My wife gets crabby when hungry, as do a lot of people. I don’t. I mention this because I’ve had some discussions with friends about it and it’s always been something I’ve wondered about (my thoughts are when I was younger, I’d diet **very** poorly and would basically starve myself, so I’m kind of curious if that effected my ability to not be crabby about it). ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/37 "2011-09-26T16:24:39Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > _I_ say PMS is not carte blanche to be a jerk to your loved one and your other half. > [@Polerius](#): > > My sentiments exactly. Glad to see there are women who hold this opinion. Both **MsWhatsit** and I have expressed that we don’t think it’s carte blanche at all. I try very, very hard to be reasonable, and I apologize when I do lose it. It’s not like I’m a raging bitch and then say, “Well, it’s PMS. deal with it, husband and kids.” It should also be noted that I am deeply, deeply miserable when I have PMS and not at all as though I’m enjoying the bitchitude. I dunno. Those of you who can ensure that your bad moods never affect the people around you are just wired differently, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/38 "2011-09-26T16:33:57Z")
> [@indian](#): > > Are you able to control your mood swings and the resultant behaviour? Or is it that you don’t have mood swings **at all?** I am not subject to mood swings. Like any human, I can certainly be made to feel bad/mad/sad about a situation or something that’s happened to me, but it’s not as a result of some random hormonal thing. And it’s not right to take your negative feelings out on an innocent party, regardless. I don’t believe anyone should just get a pass on that. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/39 "2011-09-26T16:36:08Z")
My wife is in womanopause. I play racketball 4 times a week. Sometimes, I am sore and tired, but I go. Get in a car with her and she opens a window. it could be cold as hell for me. But my comfort is not part of the equation. The window stays open. If she turns the air on , it freezes me. Too bad, suffer. My wife also has PMS. Permanent Menstrual Syndrome. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/40 "2011-09-26T16:40:56Z")
Is she just grumpy or lashing out and saying hateful things? If it’s just that she’s in a bad mood, you probably need to give her space. But if she’s lashing out and saying hurtful things, then you should talk with her when she’s calm to address that. She may not really remember the things she said. If that’s the case, it may be a good idea to record her outbursts so she can hear them later. Most cell phones can do voice recordings or get a digital recorder. You’re probably not going to get her to be in a good mood during PMS. But hopefully you can get her to redirect her rage so that it’s not personally directed at you [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632.md?page=3)