# Husbands, how do you cope.. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 26, 2011, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632 "2011-09-26T04:36:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/41 "2011-09-26T17:19:40Z")
> [@romansperson](#): > > I am not subject to mood swings. Fascinating. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/42 "2011-09-26T17:21:18Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Fascinating. I see what you did there. [sub]Tell Sarek I said hi.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Laggard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de053/32.png) [@Laggard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laggard)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/43 "2011-09-26T17:28:32Z")
Stay the hell out of the way. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/44 "2011-09-26T17:36:06Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > Both **MsWhatsit** and I have expressed that we don’t think it’s carte blanche at all. I try very, very hard to be reasonable, and I apologize when I do lose it. It’s not like I’m a raging bitch and then say, “Well, it’s PMS. deal with it, husband and kids.” It should also be noted that I am deeply, deeply miserable when I have PMS and not at all as though I’m enjoying the bitchitude. > > I dunno. Those of you who can ensure that your bad moods never affect the people around you are just wired differently, I guess. I have come to realize over the years that a lot of people really don’t understand what I’m talking about when I describe having PMS. They think it means that you feel crampy and therefore are in a bad mood and think that means it’s OK to start screaming at people or whatever. For me it’s more like suddenly everyone around me is doing things to deliberately annoy me, and then after several hours to a day of trying to suppress my incredible frustration and irritation with this, I start feeling really depressed and convinced that nobody in my life actually cares about me and that I have ruined the lives of everyone I’ve ever come into contact with, that I am a bad parent and a worthless human being. No amount of reassurance will help with this. I can even recognize that it’s that time of the month and that this is all probably hormonal in nature, but that does nothing to get rid of the dark/bad feelings. It is a nightmare. When I feel it coming on, I try my best to simply avoid people so that I don’t have to fall all over myself apologizing after it all passes. I suffered with severe postpartum depression after my third baby and I would say that my PMS symptoms are very similar to that, except thankfully temporary. It is simply not possible for me to suppress it to the point that people around me won’t notice it. I wish it were. I do my best to mitigate it but there’s only so much you can do. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/45 "2011-09-26T17:40:36Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Meh. > Wait twenty-five years or so and it’s not an issue. Same here. We’ve been together 42 years, the last eight or nine of them post-menopause, and the dreaded monthly mood swings were never an issue. She also never had problems with cramping. Lucky for her, I guess. (And me.) . ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/46 "2011-09-26T17:45:38Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I have come to realize over the years that a lot of people really don’t understand what I’m talking about when I describe having PMS. They think it means that you feel crampy and therefore are in a bad mood and think that means it’s OK to start screaming at people or whatever. > > For me it’s more like suddenly everyone around me is doing things to deliberately annoy me, and then after several hours to a day of trying to suppress my incredible frustration and irritation with this, I start feeling really depressed and convinced that nobody in my life actually cares about me and that I have ruined the lives of everyone I’ve ever come into contact with, that I am a bad parent and a worthless human being. No amount of reassurance will help with this. I can even recognize that it’s that time of the month and that this is all probably hormonal in nature, but that does nothing to get rid of the dark/bad feelings. > > It is a nightmare. When I feel it coming on, I try my best to simply avoid people so that I don’t have to fall all over myself apologizing after it all passes. I suffered with severe postpartum depression after my third baby and I would say that my PMS symptoms are very similar to that, except thankfully temporary. It is simply not possible for me to suppress it to the point that people around me won’t notice it. I wish it were. I do my best to mitigate it but there’s only so much you can do. I’ve said this before in several threads, but you and I are eerily similar. That middle paragraph is _ **exactly** _ how I feel. I walk around for those few days with a nearly-constant refrain of, _“God, I should just kill myself. I should just kill myself. I should just kill myself.”_ going through my head. Luckily, like you, I recognize that it’s temporary. When I was on celexa, my psychiatrist had me take an increased dose starting when I ovulate and continuing through getting my period. I have to say, it did help. Now that I’m on something else, I should probably see if that’s a possibility. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/47 "2011-09-26T17:51:32Z")
Give her lots of space, ask her often, “What can I do for you, right now?”, try, try, try not to take too much personally, bring home something chocolate, spread you big bear arms and ask her if she wants to ‘Hug it out?’. Be sweet, be kind, be gentle. The same you’d do for your spouse who was struggling, whatever the cause. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/48 "2011-09-26T18:08:58Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > I’ve said this before in several threads, but you and I are eerily similar. That middle paragraph is _ **exactly** _ how I feel. I walk around for those few days with a nearly-constant refrain of, _“God, I should just kill myself. I should just kill myself. I should just kill myself.”_ going through my head. Luckily, like you, I recognize that it’s temporary. I have previously had periods (heh) where my PMS was like this, even though it hasn’t been recently (and right now I’m pregnant, which is like, the best anti-PMS tool EVER for me), but I was ready to seek professional help until I thought back, mapped it out, and realized what was going on. Knowing the source made it a lot easier to handle. If that’s how depressed people actually feel over long periods of time, I’m surprised the suicide rate isn’t higher. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/49 "2011-09-26T18:14:33Z")
I must be lucky because my wife doesn’t get mood swings at all. She’s pretty much the same all month long. Which is good or else she wouldn’t be my wife. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/50 "2011-09-26T18:23:21Z")
I got a divorce. That was one of many problems that miracle cure fixes. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/51 "2011-09-26T23:56:27Z")
Just roll with it I guess. I mean we’re not married yet but the advice is the same. Mostly I try to stay out of her way, but it’s hard because we’re dating long-distance and I can’t just go do my own thing when she’s travelled 4 hours to come see me, or vice-versa. Actually, those dreadful occassions when our trips and that time of the month line up can be pretty dreadful. If it wasn’t for her profuse apologies and my realization that I’d probably be really cranky if my dick was bleeding every month, I don’t know what I’d do. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/52 "2011-09-27T01:59:56Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Meh. > Wait twenty-five years or so and it’s not an issue. Oh yeah. Perimenopausal has been such a blast. ---
**Author:** ![figure9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/53 "2011-09-27T02:17:37Z")
I got her to a doctor! ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/54 "2011-09-27T02:21:43Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I got a divorce. That was one of many problems that miracle cure fixes. Unfortunately children complicate a miracle cure. How are your children affected? ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/55 "2011-09-27T06:31:19Z")
I usually can’t tell. Occasionally (that is, twice in four years of long-term relationship) she’s gotten weepy and admitted that it was possibly related to PMS. Other than that, the only cyclical mood change I notice is a mild increase in sex drive just before her period. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/56 "2011-09-27T06:42:07Z")
> [@indian](#): > > Are you able to control your mood swings and the resultant behaviour? Or is it that you don’t have mood swings **at all?** I have bad moods, everybody does, but my bad moods are linked to non-hormonal reasons. I know that my period is coming because I get a pouch-belly and find myself checking out anything within eyesight that’s male, taller than the table and human, not because I’m in a head-ripping mood. Mom, both Aunts and both Grandmas were the same. My sister in law gets migraines ☹ ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/57 "2011-09-27T10:08:39Z")
I have a boat, an RV, and a deer lease. How I cope depends on the season. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/58 "2011-09-27T10:37:39Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > Unfortunately children complicate a miracle cure. How are your children affected? Honestly, they love it. They get two sets of just about everything and twice the vacations. They also get the undivided attention of each parent on regular basis. We are all much better off because of it. No one should stay in a bad marriage because of the kids. It is quite possible the kids want the divorce more than the adults do. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/59 "2011-09-27T10:54:44Z")
For those who think PMS/PMDD is just a bad mood, [here’s an article](http://http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004461/) from the National Institute of Health about Premenstrual Dysmorphic Disorder, or severe PMS. Of interest to me is the part towards the end which states: > [@](#): > > As many as 10% of women who report PMS symptoms, especially those with PMDD, have had suicidal thoughts. Suicide in women with depression is much more likely to occur during the second half of the menstrual cycle. So, there’s the question, “How do you deal when your wife is crabby?” and the question, “What if your wife has a serious hormone-related mood disorder?” and a whole lot of area in between. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632/60 "2011-09-27T12:06:29Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Stay out of her way. > > Haven’t done any MMORPG lately? Fill up a thermos (making sure to replace the coffee you took), reconnect with your guild & steer clear the rough weather. I can see at least one problem with that. **You:** “Uh, honey?” **Her, snarling:** “Yes?!” **You:** “…Aren’t you over your PMS yet?!” **Her:** “That was _last month’s_ PMS!!” **You:** “…no wonder I leveled so much.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/husbands-how-do-you-cope/597632.md?page=4)