# Hw could you best exploit the ability to self-teleport? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 24, 2013, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068 "2013-12-24T06:07:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![jharvey963](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/54ee81/32.png) [@jharvey963](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jharvey963)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/41 "2013-12-24T21:32:28Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > I’d think the best use for getting spendable cash would be to follow in the footsteps of so many modern caper films - rob criminals. No legal ramifications, the money is pre-laundered, and if you take precautions to protect your identity no retaliation. Sorry, no it’s not pre-laundered. You’ll still have to prove where YOU got the income from. The fact that the criminals laundered it through, say, a laundromat 😃 has no bearing on you proving where you got the income. To launder the money, you have to come up with some way to justify how YOU got the money. For instance, some cash business with loose record keeping requirements. One novel I read had the launderer (actually launderess) start a handmade jewelry business where she sold her jewelry at fairs and the like. She’d go away for a weekend, make up some receipts, and voila, legal money. Of course, she’d also have to buy enough supplies to make that amount of jewelry supposedly sold. Also, of course, you don’t get rich doing this. J. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2013, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/42 "2013-12-24T21:41:00Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > You can re-teleport in a matter of seconds, as fast as you can visualize or think of a destination and decide to make the jump. So, you can’t really use it to fly, unless you teleport a hang glider along with you… ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2013, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/43 "2013-12-24T21:48:08Z")
I saw the Jumper movie, but didn’t realize there was a book series. At the time, I thought they were inspired by Phyllis Eisentein’s Alaric books, like _Born to Exile_. In those stories, teleportation would only work if you could place the destination in relation to your current position, so Alaric traveled around on foot building an elaborate map of the world in his head. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2013, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/44 "2013-12-24T23:35:29Z")
My first inclination would be to test it out for people to make sure I wasn’t insane, and if they agreed I actually was teleporting (and it wasn’t all in my head), I’d offer myself up for study. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/45 "2013-12-25T00:22:20Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > You can re-teleport in a matter of seconds, as fast as you can visualize or think of a destination and decide to make the jump. > [@Ethilrist](#): > > So, you can’t really use it to fly, unless you teleport a hang glider along with you… Or you restrict yourself to fairly high altitude “flying”. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/46 "2013-12-25T00:27:01Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > So, you can’t really use it to fly, unless you teleport a hang glider along with you… I used to teleport all the way across city zones, one bamf at a time. Only dropped a little in between. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/47 "2013-12-25T01:05:15Z")
> [@jharvey963](#): > > Sorry, no it’s not pre-laundered. You’ll still have to prove where YOU got the income from. The fact that the criminals laundered it through, say, a laundromat 😃 has no bearing on you proving where you got the income. I was thinking of laundered as being “money the government isn’t already looking for and can trace.” That would only be an issue if you’re at the Bentley dealership with a duffle bag full of cash. Want to live beyond your means without suspicion? Max out your credit cards and use your ill-gotten gains to pay the minimum balance on time each month. The credit companies will keep extending your limits and sending you new cards as long as the payments are regular and there’s nothing odd about an American living under the (imagined in this case) threat of crushing debt - you’re hiding in plain sight. From what I’ve seen in the movies, cc interest rates aren’t much worse than more accepted losses incurred cleaning income. Side benefit, friends and family get that smug feeling of superiority waiting for the hammer to fall - the gift that keeps on giving, yet no skin off your nose. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/48 "2013-12-25T15:48:18Z")
So real-time footage from the rover plus a spacesuit equals first man on Mars? ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/49 "2013-12-25T20:50:09Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > And if you did want to remain “underground” AND use it for property crime, your teleport outfit had better include a full-face cover and gloves and very generic-soled shoes. Sure, but if you’re not a usual suspect and you do take those precautions, it’s about impossible for you to get caught or even suspected. I mean, I’m a 300 lb 6’1" white male with no police record, a professional job, and a family. For example, If I was to zap into the Tower of London, steal the Crown Jewels (wearing my hood & generically soled shoes), zap to my fence, give him the goods, take my payment and zap back to Texas, there would be NO reason to assume that _I_ was the thief- what reason would there be to suspect a 41 year old IT guy from Texas who had an alibi of being at home in Texas in bed that night? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/50 "2013-12-25T20:59:22Z")
Knowing that being able to teleport doesn’t give me eyes in the back of my head, I would endeavor to have a hypnotic suggestion implanted that would cause me to teleport to a “safe house” if I am hit from behind and/or or start to rapidly lose consciousness. ---
**Author:** ![OldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3bc359/32.png) [@OldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/51 "2013-12-25T21:56:59Z")
The last thing I’d do is tell anyone. Once it was known I could do this, I’m sure my wife or children would be kidnapped to force me to reveal the secret which according to the OP I can’t do. And even if they believed I didn’t know, I’d be forced into doing all kind of things I didn’t want to. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/52 "2013-12-26T00:33:11Z")
I just don’t see the need to try to “clean up” with this… but maybe I simply lack ambition. It seems to me that if I just use it to tweak my life rather than radically change it I can coast along with minimum to no suspicion. I mean, just saving the $20/week I spend on gas means another $1,000 or so a year in my pocket. Little things like that add up. The trick is not to get greedy. Emulate the methods of [Emerich Juettner](http://www.snopes.com/business/money/mister880.asp) and it should be a long time before you’re uncovered, if ever, especially since there’s no law against teleporting and indeed most authorities will believe it impossible anyway. Use it to make your life a little easier rather than making radical changes. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/53 "2013-12-26T01:33:13Z")
I would get off the bus, teleport two stops down and get back on. Leave something small when I get off again, teleport to the next stop, pretending to be out of breath to get the item back. But considering how fast buses are that may not be to surprising. Maybe go to the top floor of a tall building and make a show of missing the elevator, then if the same people get off at the bottom I pretend to dust myself off and explain I took the shortcut. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/54 "2013-12-26T02:17:16Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Which means that if you’re tied down tight to a post or other large object, you can’t **bampf** away, right? Seems to me you could, but you would bring the rope with you. Of course, if you bring the post with you too but it’s no longer in the ground, escape would be much easier. ---
**Author:** ![Heracles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heracles/32/487_2.png) [@Heracles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heracles)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/55 "2013-12-26T13:35:56Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > 1. You can only teleport to a location with which you are familiar. (…) [Y]ou could, for instance, teleport to the Oval Office, which you’ve all seen in pictures (…) It would be funny if I actually teleported to the middle of one of the 200 movie sets in Hollywood depicting the Oval Office, which I’ve probably seen more often than the real thing. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Auditor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@The\_Auditor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Auditor)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/56 "2013-12-26T19:23:59Z")
> [@bump](#): > > For example, If I was to zap into the Tower of London, steal the Crown Jewels (wearing my hood & generically soled shoes), You’ll want to take more precautions than that. Consider other physical attributes like body size, gait analysis, thermal fingerprinting. None of these will identify you today, but they are all data points that might be being recorded today. Some day in the future they’ll be part of a massive corpus of data that pattern recognition and anomaly detection software runs against, and these data points will help narrow it down to you. In fact, if you have this teleportation and just want to be left alone - the days of being able to use it anonymously to get around the planet for free are coming to an end. Sooner or later the surveillance systems will notice your face appearing in all these disparate locations without you ever going through border checkpoints. Start thinking about only going to isolated locations. ---
**Author:** ![Scoo8b](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scoo8b](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scoo8b)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/57 "2013-12-26T20:39:45Z")
I would go to an obscene amount of live sporting events, possibly for free if I thought I could find a seat inside the stadium without a ticket stub. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/58 "2013-12-26T20:57:44Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > I wonder, though, if this would really do you any good. Bank vaults don’t generally just have piles of cash lying around, do they? Surely they’re stashed in locked boxes, so you’d still have to break into those. And if the interior of the vault has a security camera, you’d better bring a mask. A cordless drill will easily get you into any of the locks within the vault. They spend all of their money keeping you out of the vault, once you’re in, it doesn’t take too much work. A better heist may be an armored car service. They carry lots of cash. Get a solid alibi such as being out of the country staying at an expensive hotel with security cameras showing you never left your room and you should be set. I’m too much of an asshole to be given power like that. I’d quickly start using for personal gain. ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/59 "2013-12-26T22:07:35Z")
How specific do pictures have to be? For example, I could travel to Mars using one of Curiosity’s photos, but could I travel to Pluto by using the Hubble images? If the answer to the Pluto question is yes, then that means I could use a picture of the Milky Way to travel the whole galaxy, or our pictures of Andromeda, for that matter. Also, is time travel allowed? Say if I have a picture of the interior of a house in 1940, and that house has been knocked down and turned into a mall. If I tried to teleport to the pictured room in the house, would I end up back in time, or in the corresponding spot in the new mall? ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/60 "2013-12-26T22:49:34Z")
> [@Octarine](#): > > Also, is time travel allowed? Say if I have a picture of the interior of a house in 1940, and that house has been knocked down and turned into a mall. If I tried to teleport to the pictured room in the house, would I end up back in time, or in the corresponding spot in the new mall? If the teleportation is instantaneous, i.e. there’s no speed-of-light delay between disappearing here and appearing there, then time travel is already included part and parcel. If not, then I’d guess that the photo of the 1940s house is just like any other picture of a nonexistent place, i.e. not something you’d be able to jump to. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068.md?page=4)