# Hw could you best exploit the ability to self-teleport? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 24, 2013, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068 "2013-12-24T06:07:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/61 "2013-12-26T23:17:56Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Sure, but if you’re not a usual suspect and you do take those precautions, it’s about impossible for you to get caught or even suspected. > > I mean, I’m a 300 lb 6’1" white male with no police record, a professional job, and a family. > > For example, If I was to zap into the Tower of London, steal the Crown Jewels (wearing my hood & generically soled shoes), zap to my fence, give him the goods, take my payment and zap back to Texas, there would be NO reason to assume that _I_ was the thief- what reason would there be to suspect a 41 year old IT guy from Texas who had an alibi of being at home in Texas in bed that night? Do they actually display the real jewels, or look-a-like fakes? ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/62 "2013-12-27T01:03:29Z")
> [@Octarine](#): > > How specific do pictures have to be? For example, I could travel to Mars using one of Curiosity’s photos, but could I travel to Pluto by using the Hubble images? No. You need to be able to visualize the place you are going to materialize. No image of Pluto has ever been resolved to anything more than “look, a blob.” > [@](#): > > Also, is time travel allowed? No. To clarify, as Half Man points out, this ability DOES defy our understanding of relativity; your movement is absolutely instantaneous, meaning you can go from place to place faster than light. However, you must have a solid visualization of your actual landing point. You can’t even jump into deep space and hope for the best; if you do not have a clear visualization of a point of arrival, the teleportation won’t happen. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/63 "2013-12-27T01:10:38Z")
No matter where you go or how far you travel you could always use your toilet at home. Or conversely never have to use your own toilet again, even in the middle of the night. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/64 "2013-12-27T02:12:57Z")
Yeah, I know some people who absolutely have to only use “their” toilet. This would be the grandest thing for them. > [@Heracles](#): > > It would be funny if I actually teleported to the middle of one of the 200 movie sets in Hollywood depicting the Oval Office, which I’ve probably seen more often than the real thing. Or one of the Presidential Libraries. But I get that the idea is that no, you can’t travel back in time, just instantaneous displacement in space. Hmm… what about moving conveyances? I take it it would have to be the specific mobile thing in question i.e. not any generic Brink’s truck but the one you were just casing, or not just any ship but the quarterdeck of HMS Preposterous, which you have already seen? ---
**Author:** ![AaronX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7bcc69/32.png) [@AaronX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AaronX)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/65 "2013-12-27T11:58:27Z")
I’m just wondering how people will counter this if they figure it out. I’m thinking rooms that nobody has seen the inside of. That means probably randomly constructed and painted by robots. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/66 "2013-12-27T12:03:11Z")
Or places that are constantly modifying their shape, size and whatever contextual clues are used for this teleportation power. Good point, **AaronX**. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/67 "2013-12-27T22:45:32Z")
> [@AaronX](#): > > I’m just wondering how people will counter this if they figure it out. I’m thinking rooms that nobody has seen the inside of. That means probably randomly constructed and painted by robots. You guys should really read the Jumper series. They address almost everything mentioned. In _Reflex_ (the 2nd book) the protagonist from the first book is kidnapped and analyzed, so it covers a lot of teleport counter-strategy like capture, control, and detection. Since the jumpers in the books fold space/create wormholes, they can be detected by gravitometer. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/68 "2013-12-28T00:01:35Z")
Is momentum conserved? If I teleport from a moving car will I hit the ground a 60mph? If I teleport to plane am I going to be slammed against the back wall? ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/69 "2013-12-28T01:10:08Z")
You could probably find a way to rig a lottery with this ability. Then you would be set for cash and its prelaundered money. After that, lots of travel, lots of time spent researching the worlds worst offenders of human rights and making a list. I suspect you could make the world a hell of a lot better place with a few well placed deaths. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/70 "2013-12-28T01:12:27Z")
> [@AlsoNamedBort](#): > > Is momentum conserved? If I teleport from a moving car will I hit the ground a 60mph? If I teleport to plane am I going to be slammed against the back wall? I must hypothesize that since the image from which you derive your aiming point (either being there for a personal memory, or a good photograph/video) created in the same frame of reference as the destination’s fixed features (walls, floors, windows, doors, landmarks visible through windows) you will be inserted into the frame of reference of the destination’s fixed features. Otherwise your practical range is reduced to Earth surface fixed structures only. ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/71 "2013-12-28T01:21:13Z")
> [@AlsoNamedBort](#): > > Is momentum conserved? If I teleport from a moving car will I hit the ground a 60mph? If I teleport to plane am I going to be slammed against the back wall? that would make the range pointless, because earth/mars teleportation involves a massive difference in motion. you would have some serious limitations even on earth itself. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/72 "2013-12-28T01:44:56Z")
How does the conservation of mass and energy thing work? Say I jump out of a plane sans parachute and teleport once I’ve hit terminal velocity? Do I need to have a prearranged pile of pillows waiting? Or how about just hopping straight to the other side of the planet? Where my previous down becomes up and then just jump again when I reach apogee and zero velocity relative to the ground. What happens if my destination is in motion? The interior of a plane or train for instance? Or even a tour bus or RV that’s tooling down the road? ETA: Or what enalzi said. Should have noticed there was a second page before posting. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/73 "2013-12-28T05:15:24Z")
Conservation of momentum is NOT retained. You arrive stationary relative to the place you teleport to. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/74 "2013-12-28T05:46:01Z")
> [@AlsoNamedBort](#): > > Is momentum conserved? If I teleport from a moving car will I hit the ground a 60mph? If I teleport to plane am I going to be slammed against the back wall? What’s discovered in _Impulse_ (the last Jumper book) was that teleporters innately control their momentum to match the local frame of their destination, so jumping after falling from a building or from a moving vehicle has no ill effects, nor changing latitudes drastically. What the daughter of the guy in the first book realizes when she gets the ability is that this can be consciously controlled and she is able to fly by changing her momentum while not jumping anywhere and accelerate herself by adding momentum while running/skiing/etc. ---
**Author:** ![slaphead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@slaphead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slaphead)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/75 "2013-12-28T09:50:51Z")
> [@The\_Lurker\_Above](#): > > I haven’t seen the interior of a lot of vaults lately but I imagine the cash is in lockers of some sort. But the reward:effort ratio has to be pretty good for someone who can effortlessly get themselves and any man-portable tools into the vault. And it’s not like the cops/security guards can sneak up on you. Well, I suspect this would be strictly a one-time deal but there are certainly vaults where the goodies are just lying around. [http://www.bankofengland.co.uk/Pages/info/virtualtourapp.aspx](http://www.bankofengland.co.uk/Pages/info/virtualtourapp.aspx) A standard bar is apparently 12.4Kg so it should be easy to snaffle at least two or three per jump. Currently they would be worth approx $480K each. In terms of laundering - melt them down into much smaller blobs and flit around the shadier parts of the world seeking out the sorts of people who buy from artisan miners etc. Even at a hefty discount you should be able to fund a nice lifestyle. But yes, safe deposit places would also yield good returns and a nice interesting mix of goodies to boot. > **[Knightsbridge Security Deposit robbery](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knightsbridge_Security_Deposit_robbery)** > > The Knightsbridge Security Deposit robbery took place on 12 July 1987 in Cheval Place, Knightsbridge, England, part of the City of Westminster in London. This robbery, the Banco Central burglary at Fortaleza, and the $900 million stolen from the Central Bank of Iraq in 2003 are said to be the largest bank robberies in history. > The robbery was led by Valerio Viccei (1955–2000), a lawyer's son who arrived in London in 1986 from his native Italy, where he was wanted for 50 armed robberies. Once ... ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/76 "2013-12-28T11:23:30Z")
why all the crime? Surely you could earn vast riches using the ability legitimately ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/77 "2013-12-28T13:51:36Z")
> [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](#): > > why all the crime? Surely you could earn vast riches using the ability legitimately Where’s the fun in that? ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/78 "2013-12-29T17:14:46Z")
> [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](#): > > why all the crime? Surely you could earn vast riches using the ability legitimately We already did the “NASA courier service” thing which is probably the coolest legit application. Then would come becoming Secret Agent Bamf, James Bamf for your respective security apparatus, the ultimate infiltration operative/courier of supersecret items. A diamond courier that can zap himself from the mine office in Africa to the cutters’ shop in the Low Countries to the dealer’s room on 47th street without ever exposing the shipment on the street. Those may pay well, but _VAST_ riches, well… you kinda need to operate in the shadow side to get those. As it is, those three legit opportunities would most likelyl require you to be paid out of Dark Ops budget lest the enemy/competition come after you. The Randi prize has been mentioned but that’s a paltry single million fully taxed. And if your talent and identity become widely known you’ll have a different relative be kidnapped every week to demand that you do commit a crime anyway so you might as well do it for yourself and thus control that you will not be a drug mule but rather a fine art thief. And yes, I am disturbed by how easily I traipsed along to justifying my becoming A.J. Raffles/Arsène Lupin… ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/79 "2013-12-30T14:40:13Z")
The thin g is that economically, legitimate enterprises COULd be worth a ghastly fortune. The NASA courier idea is especially intriguing. Putting a pound of material into orbit is worth, depending on the height of orbit, about ten thousand dollars a pound. (Really.) If you could just bamf up whatever you could carry, which is anywhere from 20 to 80 pounds depending on its bulk, every time you bamf NASA saves an average of what, half a million dollars? And you can do it effortlessly, risk-free, and as many times a day as you want. If NASA (or the Russian equivalent) gave you 10% of the savings you’d have more money than you could ever spend. And if you then consider the implications of the savings involved in you bamfing stuff to the Moon, or Mars, well, now we’re talking millions. Your 10% cut would be a lottery win every month. I don’t know what sort of heist you could pull that wouldn’t be worth that much. The problem is that it would inevitably make you a public figure. NASA can’t keep this stuff hidden, it’s a public outfit and someone is going to ask how they built a research station on the Moon with little money other than a curious entry for a very expensive “consultant.” ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068/80 "2013-12-30T16:00:19Z")
The orbital thing depends on what you’re stationary in regards to, I guess it’s sort of nitpicking the hypothetical. If you just show up in orbit, stationary relative to the earth, you wouldn’t have an orbital momentum, anything you drop would just fall back to earth. I guess if you stationary relative to some point on the surface of the Earth, you could get a geosynch satellite up there if you went the right distance. But generally getting stuff into orbit is more an issue of getting things fast, rather than high. You need significant horizontal velocity to enter an orbit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hw-could-you-best-exploit-the-ability-to-self-teleport/677068.md?page=5)