# Hyphenating a child's last name. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 18, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179 "2011-08-18T15:34:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/21 "2011-08-18T18:44:24Z")
Just in case, to throw it back, Brazilians (and Portugal, then?) do it backwards. The father’s last name is the last one in the line, but it is _that_ last name the one traditionally used if all the other last names are dropped out. That’s traditionally. Oh, and women (traditionally) take the husband’s last name. I say traditionally because I know some (including my SO) who don’t fit that mold. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/22 "2011-08-18T18:47:10Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > I’m pretty far beyond having the energy to argue about it, but I wonder if my name should be first. Probably just nit-picky quibbling at this point. Yeah, save it for arguments over visitation or other important things. There’s no such tradition in the US. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/23 "2011-08-18T18:48:33Z")
Not only that, but even in those places, some kids have the last names reversed (mom’s first, dad’s second). In fact, that’s how I wish I can do it. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/24 "2011-08-18T20:29:36Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > There’s no such tradition in the US. Yes, there is. The **tradition** in the US is that the kids take the father’s surname. Sure there are exceptions and hyphenation with the mother’s surname is becoming acceptable, but the **tradition** is to take the father’s surname only. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/25 "2011-08-18T20:34:21Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > The Spanish language tradition gives everybody two “last names”–without hyphens. The first one is the father’s (first) last name & the second is the mother’s (first) last name. And that is their legal name on all official documents. For social purposes, business cards, classroom rosters, etc. majority of people drop their second last name and go by their father’s last name. Alberto Miguel Gonzales Hernandez, would be more well known as Alberto Gonzales. And when Alberto marries Maria Consuela Saba Jimenez and they have a son named Alberto Miguel after his father, the child’s name will be Alberto Miguel Gonzales Saba. The paternal names are the ones passed down, not the maternal names. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/26 "2011-08-18T20:53:24Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Yes, there is. The **tradition** in the US is that the kids take the father’s surname. Sure there are exceptions and hyphenation with the mother’s surname is becoming acceptable, but the **tradition** is to take the father’s surname only. Hear, Hear. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/27 "2011-08-18T21:06:50Z")
If she wants this so bad, make sure \*she \* has to handle filling out all the legal paperwork. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/28 "2011-08-18T21:17:38Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Hear, Hear. I’m curious, why are you giving in on this? The kid’s already got a name. Why should he change it just because his parent’s are divorcing? I am assuming it’s not his fault you two can’t get along. What next change his first name, when you move to different state, to be more in line with the local culture? Your wife’s got some foolish notions. ETA: Apparently it was okay for him to have your name only when he was born. Did she change her name when you two got married? Or did she always keep her maiden name? ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/29 "2011-08-18T21:23:17Z")
I have a hyphenated last name. **IT IS A PAIN IN THE ASS.** I will repeat that: **IT IS A GIGANTIC PAIN IN THE ASS.** Do not do it. DO NOT DO IT. Don’t saddle your kids with this. It is not necessary. Giving kids a hyphenated name is _totally_ about the parents’ own ego and thinking that they’re clever and unique and whatever. It does not benefit the child AT ALL. The parents don’t understand what a pain in the ass it is. They get to keep their single last names! It’s the KID that has to grow up with the fucking confusing, convoluted hyphenated name. Everyone will constantly be confused by it; when giving the name to people over the phone, over the counter, pharmacists, the BMV, banks, whatever. And expect at least half of the people that the hyphenated-named-person will come into contact with in his lifetime to think that his last name is one or the other of the hyphenated names but NOT both of them. Will you please just trust me on this - as someone who has had to go through life with a “double-barreled” surname? **DO NOT BURDEN YOUR KIDS WITH A FUCKING HYPHENATED NAME. JUST DON’T.** ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/30 "2011-08-18T21:27:06Z")
My kids disagree. Both teens, they have always liked the hyphen. They also know they can drop either name anytime they choose and make it legal after 18. So far, they prefer to keep it. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/31 "2011-08-18T21:28:14Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > I have a hyphenated last name. > > **IT IS A PAIN IN THE ASS.** > [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Hear, Hear. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/32 "2011-08-18T21:28:27Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Yes, there is. The **tradition** in the US is that the kids take the father’s surname. Sure there are exceptions and hyphenation with the mother’s surname is becoming acceptable, but the **tradition** is to take the father’s surname only. There’s no such tradition as the Spanish/Brazilian one for how to handle multiple or hyphenated last names in the US. As you say, it’s an exception to the last name tradition, but has not (yet?) evolved traditions of its own, like which parent’s name comes first. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/33 "2011-08-18T21:31:12Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > My kids disagree. Both teens, they have always liked the hyphen. They also know they can drop either name anytime they choose and make it legal after 18. So far, they prefer to keep it. > > YMMV. Argent Towers is speaking as an adult. Adults generally interact with the public a great deal more than kids. I would wager that as much as you say that your kids are free to change it when they turn 18, most kids don’t want to dissapoint their parents, even when they become adults. So they may just keep it and endure the shit that Argent Towers describes. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/34 "2011-08-18T21:32:23Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > There’s no such tradition as the Spanish/Brazilian one for how to handle multiple or hyphenated last names in the US. As you say, it’s an exception to the last name tradition, but has not (yet?) evolved traditions of its own, like which parent’s name comes first. The reason there is no such tradition to handle hyphenated last name in the US is because kids traditionally take their father’s name. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/35 "2011-08-18T21:41:37Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > . I’ve never known a four-way hyphenate, but if that’s what they wanted to do, they could, theoretically (gonna be a bitch to fit on most forms, though). Need to meet a few more upper class English folks, there’s a few triple and quadruple barrels there. Like Sir Ranulph Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes, aka Ranulph Fiennes, famour explorer. Most of them tend to just avoid using some of the extra ones. Likely the OP’s kid will do the same. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/36 "2011-08-18T21:45:15Z")
If the kid’s still really young, it’s going to cause him very few problems, and there’s nothing wrong with the mother wanting her son to have her name as well as yours. Hyphenated or double-barrelled surnames are more common in the UK and they don’t cause problems for people, so the same will be true as double-barrelled names become slightly more common in the US. A lot of people with two surnames use one as a middle name eventually anyway. Your name as the last name makes it more obviously the surname, so it’s more likely to be used as such by other people in the future. > [@Omar\_Little](#): > > The reason there is no such tradition to handle hyphenated last name in the US is because kids traditionally take their father’s name. :smack: You’re misreading him - he was only ever saying that there’s no tradition for hyphenated names in the US. It would take some of monstrous stupidity to argue that the US has no tradition for surnames at all. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/37 "2011-08-18T21:46:15Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Argent Towers is speaking as an adult. Adults generally interact with the public a great deal more than kids. > > I would wager that as much as you say that your kids are free to change it when they turn 18, most kids don’t want to dissapoint their parents, even when they become adults. So they may just keep it and endure the shit that Argent Towers describes. That’s possible. It’s also possible that since we’ve been telling them since they were young that it’s not a big deal to us, explained why we chose it and why their choices don’t have to be our choices (in most areas) and that in fact we chose differently than OUR parents, they might be actually being honest with us and not care. When they’re adults they might feel differently but I will keep sending the message that it’s cool to drop one name. I’d bet that Argent didn’t like it earlier than being an adult- I’d bet in high school or earlier it bothered him, too. Maybe not. But just maybe my kids’ experience has been different. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/38 "2011-08-18T21:49:45Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > The reason there is no such tradition to handle hyphenated last name in the US is because kids traditionally take their father’s name. :smack: Thanks. I’m sure that’s incredibly helpful in a thread asking if there’s a tradition (or rather, “standard”, from the OP) for how to handle a hyphenated last name. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/39 "2011-08-18T21:52:17Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Thanks. I’m sure that’s incredibly helpful in a thread asking if there’s a tradition (or rather, “standard”, from the OP) for how to handle a hyphenated last name. Considering the OP responded positively to my post, I’m going to consider it as helpful. ETA: The point I was making is that the tradition is that you handle it by not hyphenating the last name. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179/40 "2011-08-18T21:55:14Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Argent Towers is speaking as an adult. Adults generally interact with the public a great deal more than kids. > > I would wager that as much as you say that your kids are free to change it when they turn 18, most kids don’t want to dissapoint their parents, even when they become adults. So they may just keep it and endure the shit that Argent Towers describes. Yes. I didn’t really mind the name much as a kid/teenager. I had a nickname based on the initials that was pretty cool. As soon as I got old enough to have to deal with official stuff on a regular basis, I realized it was a huge pain in the ass and that lots of people were very confused by it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hyphenating-a-childs-last-name/593179.md?page=3)