# Hypothetical: Proving Aliens Gave One a Vasectomy **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [September 25, 2016, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795 "2016-09-25T02:23:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/21 "2016-09-26T01:25:10Z")
It’s clear the vasectomization is just the first step. Just like when human loggers work an Earth forest, first they send in a lightly-equipped crew with spray paint to delicately mark which trees to cut. Then later on they send in the big trucks, log dragging machines, chainsaw crews, etc., to actually take down the trees and haul them out of the forest. Since the OP has been clearly marked, it’s pretty obvious what happens to him next. He should be looking forward to a thorough anal probing and maybe a mind-wiping soon. Or perhaps a trip to the alien home world. The OP may want to practice playing simple 5-note chords on a cheap organ to communicate. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/22 "2016-09-26T02:53:59Z")
Melodies, tunes, notes in a row, but not, if you’re pulling a whoever the hell that guy who wasn’t Richard Dreyfuss was, chords, which are simultaneous notes. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/23 "2016-09-26T12:21:29Z")
> **[Chord (music)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chord_(music))** > > In music, a chord is a group of two or more notes played simultaneously, typically consisting of a root note, a third, and a fifth.\[a\] Chords are the building blocks of harmony and form the harmonic foundation of a piece of music. They can be major, minor, diminished, augmented, or extended, depending on the intervals between the notes and their arrangement. Chords provide the harmonic support and coloration that accompany melodies and contribute to the overall sound and mood of a musical composi... > [@Wiki](#): > > A chord, in music, is any harmonic set of usually three or more notes (also called “pitches”) that is heard as if sounding simultaneously. In everyday use by musical ensembles such as bands and orchestras, the three or more notes of a chord are often sounded together. However, the notes of a chord do not have to be played together at the same time: arpeggios and broken chords (these involve the notes of the chord played one after the other, rather than at the same time) may, for many practical and theoretical purposes, also constitute chords. Underlining mine. See also [Arpeggio - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arpeggio) Agreed that in the movie the later improvisations by the professional musicians “talking” to the aliens were more complex than mere chords. But the lead character’s halting attempts at “sounding out” the idea the aliens planted in his head were, arguably, him working up a chord. It sounds dissonant and unchordlike to us because it’s … alien. There are many musical instruments that can’t sound multiple notes simultaneously. They can still achieve the musical function of chords by playing them in succession. Try telling a jazz horn player that he doesn’t use chords and he’ll probably hit you with his horn. Depending on what source you read, you may see that the name “harp” for the multi-stringed instrument is derived from what amounted to “plays chords one note at a time” in some ancient language. Granted I didn’t use the term in its most mainstream first-entry-in-the-dictionary meaning. But it’s also not quite so simple as you say. Fighting ignorance and all that. I also didn’t think the OP would know what an arpeggio is. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/24 "2016-09-26T13:32:29Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chord\_(music)Underlining](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chord_(music)Underlining) mine. See also [Arpeggio - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arpeggio) > > Agreed that in the movie the later improvisations by the professional musicians “talking” to the aliens were more complex than mere chords. But the lead character’s halting attempts at “sounding out” the idea the aliens planted in his head were, arguably, him working up a chord. It sounds dissonant and unchordlike to us because it’s … alien. > > There are many musical instruments that can’t sound multiple notes simultaneously. They can still achieve the musical function of chords by playing them in succession. Try telling a jazz horn player that he doesn’t use chords and he’ll probably hit you with his horn. Depending on what source you read, you may see that the name “harp” for the multi-stringed instrument is derived from what amounted to “plays chords one note at a time” in some ancient language. > > Granted I didn’t use the term in its most mainstream first-entry-in-the-dictionary meaning. But it’s also not quite so simple as you say. Fighting ignorance and all that. I also didn’t think the OP would know what an arpeggio is. 🙂 But if you’re saying that any sequence of single notes is a chord, then ‘chord’ doesn’t mean anything anymore. So, logically, if the word is going to be meaningful, there must be sequences of single notes that are not chords. And, while different people could draw the line in slightly different places, I think the vast majority of people, heck say professional musicians, would say Close Encounters did not have arpeggios. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/25 "2016-09-26T13:36:42Z")
I’d imagine any aliens sophisticated enough to vasectomize someone without the subject obviously knowing would do something like precisely irradiate your nuts in such a way to kill off or cripple the s-sperm-producing cells such that you’d either not produce any sperm, or you’d produce ones guaranteed not to actually impregnate anyone. I imagine that would be _really_ hard to detect yourself, and probably hard for doctors to do so as well. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/26 "2016-09-26T14:01:25Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > But if you’re saying that any sequence of single notes is a chord, then ‘chord’ doesn’t mean anything anymore. So, logically, if the word is going to be meaningful, there must be sequences of single notes that are not chords. And, while different people could draw the line in slightly different places, I think the vast majority of people, heck say professional musicians, would say Close Encounters did not have arpeggios. Thanks for the additional thoughts. I agree that any random note sequence is not a chord or arpeggio; certain patterns of tones and/or durations are required. (At least in Earth music.) I also agree I probably stretched the definition of chord or arpeggio to or past the breaking point ref the iconic 5-note sequence in the movie. Certainly I did by the standards of Western music of the recent centuries. As you rightly point out. My point to **Leo** that “chord” is not exactly equivalent to “some (harmonious) notes sounded simultaneously” still stands. I wonder when the OP will return to grace us with further details of his alien experience(s)? If he starts humming odd note patterns maybe we ought to call somebody. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/27 "2016-09-26T14:04:40Z")
One could still define “chord” as “a set of notes that sound good together”, or the like, and retain the essence of the meaning. And assuming that aliens find different combinations of notes aesthetically-pleasing, then the sounds from _Close Encounters_ could then reasonably be called “alien chords”. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/28 "2016-09-26T14:08:54Z")
> [@bump](#): > > I’d imagine any aliens sophisticated enough to vasectomize someone without the subject obviously knowing would do something like precisely irradiate your nuts in such a way to kill off or cripple the s-sperm-producing cells such that you’d either not produce any sperm, **or you’d produce ones guaranteed not to actually impregnate anyone.** > … Bolding mine. With advanced enough technology aliens could change the sperm-producing cells so the sperm don’t work for impregnating _humans_. But they do work for impregnating aliens. Or common barnyard animals. Perhaps we should encourage the OP to experiment on as many life forms as he can and report back his results? 😃 No, perhaps we shouldn’t. That would be baa-aa-aad. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/29 "2016-09-26T15:35:52Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Say I visit my doctor on Tuesday and get a groinal CAT scan, showing my tubes all normal. Then, for whatever godforsaken reason, I visit again on Wednesday and get another CAT, and it shows not only the vas tubes cut, but micro-stitched in a way no earthly surgeon could match. > > Just for kicks, the sutures are made of materials not found on earth. > > And there’s a star-map engraved on the inside tissue of the scrotum. With, like, eta Cassiopeia highlighted. > > Otherwise, without extraordinary evidence, the extraordinary claim wouldn’t attract many believers. _Star-Sack_, a sci-fi comedy adventure featuring Zac Efron, and with Kevin Spacey as the sarcastic doctor. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/30 "2016-09-26T15:51:49Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > But what if it’s part of the aliens’ long-term plan to colonize Earth? First, they sterilize all the men, wait 100 years for humans to die out, then just take over all the machinery and buildings that remain without a fight! Surely the aliens would change our reproduction to only produce females - since that’s what they want! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/31 "2016-09-26T17:57:43Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Just for kicks, the sutures are made of materials not found on earth. > > And there’s a star-map engraved on the inside tissue of the scrotum. With, like, eta Cassiopeia highlighted. Nobody cares what the aliens do on Earth, as long as they stay away from Uranus. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/32 "2016-09-26T20:39:19Z")
If illegal aliens are given Americun men vasectomies overnight, we definitely need to elect Trump. ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795/33 "2016-09-26T22:42:57Z")
But they work cheap! –Mark [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hypothetical-proving-aliens-gave-one-a-vasectomy/766795.md?page=1)