# Hysterically Awful Movies (spoilers) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 17, 2004, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272 "2004-11-17T15:33:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/21 "2004-11-18T03:28:38Z")
On the flip side of this topic, I recently watched “Valley of the Dolls” actually expecting it to be hysterically awful. It’s considered an over-the-top camp classic, like “Mommie Dearest”. Yet I found it to be surprisingly run-of-the-mill ordinary bad. The first hour of this 90-minute movie is a tepid soap opera that drags on and on. A lot of the sensational shocks of the film are dated, to say the least. Sharon Tate and Barbara whatsername were both wooden and uninteresting. The last 30 minutes pick up a bit, but even Patty Duke’s ludicrous bottom-out scenes aren’t worth more than a chuckle or two. The one howlingly bad moment is the weird, weird, weird “broadway musical number” with Susan Hayward singing onstage beneath a psychedelic diorama. But that is the one moment it truly reaches Ed Wood level of badness. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/22 "2004-11-18T03:55:19Z")
> [@Art Vandelay](#): > > On the flip side of this topic, I recently watched “Valley of the Dolls” actually expecting it to be hysterically awful. It’s considered an over-the-top camp classic, like “Mommie Dearest”. Yet I found it to be surprisingly run-of-the-mill ordinary bad. In that case, I might recommend _Beyond the Valley of the Dolls_. The acting is even worse, and the story is downright cringe-worthy. It starts off with a disclaimer that essentially states that the movie is in no way connected with _VotD_, but the writer and producer wanted to cash in on what they thought was a trend. The film’s tone alternates between naive cluelessness and heavy-handed moralism, and generally gives the impression that the writer\* was a sweaty 40-year-old virgin typing with one hand as he feverishly imagined what kind of things “kids today” were up to, and how they should be ‘punished’. \*You may have heard of the writer, Roger Ebert ---
**Author:** ![SaxFace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@SaxFace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaxFace)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/23 "2004-11-18T08:50:26Z")
My husband rented the hysterically worst movie I have ever seen last week. We were howling throughout the whole thing. **Granny (1999)** > **[Granny (Video 1999) - IMDb](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0225899/)** > > Granny: Directed by Boris Pavlovsky. With Sava Popovic, Katie Dugan, Tomi, T.J. Bigbee. Eight college students are stalked and killed by a maniac dressed in a hag mask. See it, IF YOU DARE! ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/24 "2004-11-18T09:01:10Z")
Dungeons And Dragons - if it sucked any more your ears would bleed, yet weirdly, awfully, compelling, if only to watch previously respected actors {hello, Jeremy Irons} make utter tits of themselves for beer money. ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/25 "2004-11-18T09:08:36Z")
I’ve not actually subjected myself to this one, but the reviews i’ve seend universally lambast this one [Clan of the Cave Bear - starring Daryl Hannah](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090848/) ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/26 "2004-11-18T09:32:36Z")
Another vote for _Night of the Lupus_. My favorite scene is when the rampaging rabbits knock over a truck on the highway. As the vehicle bursts into a fireball (well, O.K. - bursts into a match flame) you can clearly see the word “Tonka” written on the underside of the truck. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/27 "2004-11-18T09:43:40Z")
> [@Evil Captor](#): > > Well, Night of the Lepus, about a horde of giant killer rabbits … Surprisngly, the original book (The Year of the Angry Rabbit) is pretty good. It’s about how a super rabbit killing bug accidentally turns rabbits into frenzied killer (regular sized) bunnies. The book is a also a comedy, a fact which seemed to escape the makers of the film. ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/28 "2004-11-18T09:44:26Z")
_ **The Black Hole** _ 'nuff said. Well, almost… “Maximillian, you stupida rrrrobot!!” The best line in the flick, and the best thing about it is it’s said by Maximillian Schell who immediately hits himself in the forehead almost as if he was talking about himself. ---
**Author:** ![paulberserker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@paulberserker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paulberserker)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/29 "2004-11-18T10:12:30Z")
I like the Black Hole! [The Unanamable Returns](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108447/). Me and my ex boss watched this after shutting up the pub one Friday night years ago. We did a bottle of vodka in watching it, and were just constantly _pissing_ ourselves laughing at it. “We must be quiet, as not to wake the evil” (Slams car doors, and then car boot) Amongst other hilarity. It got Gimli in it! ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/30 "2004-11-18T10:53:16Z")
> [@Sublight](#): > > In that case, I might recommend _Beyond the Valley of the Dolls_. The acting is even worse, and the story is downright cringe-worthy. It starts off with a disclaimer that essentially states that the movie is in no way connected with _VotD_, but the writer and producer wanted to cash in on what they thought was a trend. The film’s tone alternates between naive cluelessness and heavy-handed moralism, and generally gives the impression that the writer\* was a sweaty 40-year-old virgin typing with one hand as he feverishly imagined what kind of things “kids today” were up to, and how they should be ‘punished’. > > \*You may have heard of the writer, Roger Ebert Yep, this woulda been my pick. They’re supposed to be coming out with a Criterion Collection DVD of it soon. “This is my happening and it freaks me out!” ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/31 "2004-11-18T10:55:01Z")
Oh, man, there are some other great quotes on IMDB, too. “You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!” ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/32 "2004-11-18T10:57:55Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > “You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!” That’s right up there with “I’ve come to chew bubble-gum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubble-gum”. Easy bonus point for naming that cheese-fest. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/33 "2004-11-18T11:20:29Z")
> [@Tapioca Dextrin](#): > > That’s right up there with “I’ve come to chew bubble-gum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubble-gum”. Easy bonus point for naming that cheese-fest. Duke Nukem? ---
**Author:** ![Antonius\_Block](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/51bf81/32.png) [@Antonius\_Block](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antonius_Block)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/34 "2004-11-18T11:25:49Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > Oh, man, there are some other great quotes on IMDB, too. “You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!” For a moment there I got the **IMDB** and the **SDMB** confused, and thought that maybe Roger Ebert was chanelling **Wesley Clark** ’s [Why is my semen black and orange](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=286416)! ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/35 "2004-11-18T11:55:16Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > Duke Nukem? Rowdy Roddy Piper in They Live, the last watchable John Carpenter movie. Duke Nukem only quoted it. So, what do I win? ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/36 "2004-11-18T11:59:05Z")
> [@Middlecase](#): > > So, what do I win? _the black sperm of my vengeance!_ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![velveeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/13edae/32.png) [@velveeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velveeta)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/37 "2004-11-18T12:26:57Z")
Something called [Gor](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095241/). Hilariously bad acting, 80’s hair, and Jack Palance! ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/38 "2004-11-18T12:34:47Z")
At the risk of offending my beloved **Eve** , I still have to nominate _The Bad Seed_. It is a sweet cheesefest from start to finish! ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/39 "2004-11-18T12:40:43Z")
I’ll offer Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, bad movie but actually funny at times. Anaconda was one sad piece of work, I couldn’t even finish it. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/40 "2004-11-18T12:55:18Z")
I feel the need to mention **Zardoz** , featuring cheese-meister Sean Connery in a leather diaper and a giant flying stone head. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272.md?page=3)