# Hysterically Awful Movies (spoilers) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 17, 2004, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272 "2004-11-17T15:33:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/81 "2004-11-18T23:42:14Z")
I have a copy of Manos WITHOUT the MST3K treatment (you can get it at Amazon). I could only watch it in short segments. Otherwise, I would have been forced to apply sharp electric tools to my skull. ---
**Author:** ![Antonius\_Block](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/51bf81/32.png) [@Antonius\_Block](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antonius_Block)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/82 "2004-11-19T01:17:51Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > **The Conqueror!** > … > It was really a piece of dreck…but anybody know who played the treacherous sorceror/magician? I could swear it was Anthony Quinn! > Oh, and I should add, the film was made in the Nevada desert, during the time the US Army was conduction A-Bomb tests…leading to speculation that the radaiation caused most of the cast to die of cancer! [The Master speaks](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_016.html) on the subject. The [IMDB](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0049092/) entry for **The Conqueror** doesn’t show Anthony Quinn, but the “Shaman” was played by John Hoyt, who did resemble Quinn somewhat. Hoyt was one of the cast members who later died of cancer. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/83 "2004-11-19T01:23:32Z")
> [@KCSuze](#): > > In lieu of _Manos_, I nominate _Prince of Space_. It has everything: laughable script, bad dubbes acting, and chicken men with saggy areas. Which in turn reminds me of 1978’s _Message from Space_, a horrifyingly bad Japanese Star Wars ripoff featuring glowing walnuts, people floating around in space without space suits, and utter incoherence. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/84 "2004-11-19T02:16:25Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > This POS was made under the eye of the great weirdo Howard Hughes…and directed by Dick Powell. It stars John Wayne as Ghengis Khan, uttering such immortal lines as “the woman, she is like the second pressing of the grape”-whatever that means! You misheard the line. It should be: “The grape, she is like the second pressing of the woman…” That makes much more sense. ---
**Author:** ![rolandgunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@rolandgunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rolandgunslinger)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/85 "2004-11-19T02:28:41Z")
I’ll end this thread right now… **The Sgt Peppers Lonley Hearts Club Band.** :eek: The Bee Gees Peter Frampton. George Burns. Gah! ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/86 "2004-11-19T02:41:47Z")
> [@The Devil's Grandmother](#): > > Sorry to Hijack, but has Christopher Lambert been in a good film? Highlander was kinda ok, and everything else I’ve seen him in has been just horrible. He’s not that bad of an actor, does his agent hate him? Did he sell his soul to the wrong devil? Ah, yes. Another Lambert movie, _Fortress_ is also in the laughably bad category. _Fortress II_: somewhat more with the bad and less with the laughable. But the intestinator is bad movie gold. ---
**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/87 "2004-11-19T03:04:40Z")
Second page already and no **Boxing Helena**? Every time this thread topic comes up, I always seem to be the first to bring it up. It was the movie too weird for David Lynch (his daughter directed it)! It was the movie Kim Basinger lost half her fortune trying to get out of! It was (unintentionally) hilarious. I’ve never laughed so hard. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/88 "2004-11-19T07:02:04Z")
The movie, _The Brain from Planet Arous_, terrified me as a kid. When, as a teen, I co-oped the TV to watch it afain, my brother wondered why I wanted to see such a lame-o movie. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/89 "2004-11-19T09:20:18Z")
Thanks for the info on THE CONQUEROR! As I say, AMC seems to be running this turd all the time! Anybody know why?Did theyn get it cheap? One other question:the musical score from thje movie is actually pretty good…anyone know if it is available somewhere? Oh, and TCM seems to be running a huge number of very old British movies from the early 1930’s…they are so old that the soundtracks have deteriorated , to the point that they are hard to hear…I thought Turner was spending lots of money on restoring these old flicks? ---
**Author:** ![velveeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/13edae/32.png) [@velveeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velveeta)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/90 "2004-11-19T12:19:49Z")
Let’s not forget my old favorite **Battlefield Earth**. Even the reviews are hilarious: [http://www.jabootu.com/be.htm](http://www.jabootu.com/be.htm) [http://www.jabootu.com/bels.htm](http://www.jabootu.com/bels.htm) ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy154](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/ad7895/32.png) [@quiltguy154](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy154)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/91 "2004-11-19T13:06:35Z")
Since the Yuletide season is well nigh upon us, may I dis-respectfully nominate “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians?” Hilarious script, awful sets AND lighting, and, need I add, the incomparable acting of a PP cast. On the positive side, it is one of my guilty pleasures. Can’t wait to find it on DVD. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/92 "2004-11-19T13:21:32Z")
Can I go again? [Battle Beyond the Stars.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080421/) Seven mercenaries come together to try and save yadda yadda yadda. It tried to cash in on the Star Wars craze by recycling that tired plot, using washed up actors and craptacular special effects(which were then recycled in multiple Roger Corman movies). It’s sad to see Robert Vaughn playing the same character he played in the Magnificent Seven. The movie is worth it for the ridiculous dialogue. “I’m Space Cowboy from Planet Earth!” ---
**Author:** ![velveeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/13edae/32.png) [@velveeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velveeta)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/93 "2004-11-19T13:40:09Z")
I thought of two more: [Ice Pirates](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087451/) and [Alien from LA](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092532/) ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/94 "2004-11-19T14:07:16Z")
> [@ouryL](#): > > The movie, _The Brain from Planet Arous_, terrified me as a kid. When, as a teen, I co-oped the TV to watch it afain, my brother wondered why I wanted to see such a lame-o movie. Isn’t that the one where the brains get small and fly up your nose? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/95 "2004-11-19T16:00:40Z")
[QUOTE=velveeta] I thought of two more: [Ice Pirates](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087451/) **Space Herpe!** ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Zamboni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@The\_Great\_Zamboni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Zamboni)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/96 "2004-11-19T16:23:25Z")
**The Grinch Who Stole Christmas** was two-and-a-half hours I want back. I think my life has actually been stortened by this craptacular monstrosity. [hijack] **Jim Carrey** was funny just once in 1960. For 20 Minutes. 😉 [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/97 "2004-11-19T16:23:58Z")
**Shodan** , I thought I was the only unfortunate soul who suffered through _Gymkata_. How convenient that the center of the Village of the Damned, in which our hero and his fair lady were surrounded by hundreds of undead, would have a pommel horse? Or the alley in which he sought refuge from the murderous thugs had uneven bars? In college, I was the co-founder and eventual president of the B Movie Club. We watched hysterically awful movies on a weekly basis, and twice a year, held movie marathons which we managed to get funded by the university. (We also learned that if you plan to spend two thousand dollars over the course of the fiscal year on paying movie rights to have public showings, you should request ten thousand, at least. That lesson served me in good stead in salary negotiations…) Every February, in association with the African-American student group on campus, we would host Blaxploitation movie marathons, featuring such epic films as _Blacula_, _Scream Blacula Scream_, and _Black Belt Jones_… But the worst movie I have ever seen is _The Gladiator_: > [@](#): > > A road warrior vigilante avenges his brother’s death at the hands of a crazy motorist by using his souped-up pickup to apprehend drunken drivers and others who abuse their driving privileges. That movie did inspire me to write the screenplay for Cen-Truck, though, coming soon to a theatre near you as soon as I can sell it. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/98 "2004-11-19T16:42:00Z")
> [@lno](#): > > **Shodan** , I thought I was the only unfortunate soul who suffered through _Gymkata_. How convenient that the center of the Village of the Damned, in which our hero and his fair lady were surrounded by hundreds of undead, would have a pommel horse? Or the alley in which he sought refuge from the murderous thugs had uneven bars? I have seen that abomination as well, thanks to _B-Fest_\*. What might’ve been the low point of the movie for me is early on in that Village of the Damned scene, when we see a man wearing a robe- and then he turns around to show us that the robe is assless. Why?? ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/99 "2004-11-19T16:46:18Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Infra-Man. He flies! He shoots lightning out of his feet! He combats giant, walking mutant arms! > > It contains my favorite Bad Movie Quote of All Time: > See it. Be fulfilled. > > Regards, > Shodan Shodan and I finally agree on something. \*Infra-Man \* is… well… a bit like taking some insanely powerful hallucinogenics and then sitting down and watching a compilation tape of various random parts of a dozen \*Power Rangers \* episodes, dubbed by hyperactive persons who did not have English as a first language. I can add nothing to what has been said for \*Night Of The Lepus \* and _Plan Nine From Outer Space_, two of my other faves. I must respectfully nominate _Blood Freak_, though. This one has to be seen to be believed. Shot on home movie film stock, with many of the same backyard production values as _Manos: The Hands Of Fate_, \*Blood Freak \* follows the adventures of our pal Herschel, who has his picture in the dictionary right next to “Trailer-Trash-Motorcycle-Riding-Guy-With-Amazing-Elvis-Haircut.” Herschel gets involved with two sisters – one, an attractive but Jesus-oriented young lady, and her bad-girl sister, who smokes marijuana. Naturally, our hero becomes addicted to the devil weed, (yes, addicted), and gets a job in a turkey processing plant. His evil bosses give him a roast turkey to eat, in order to human-test a new preservative. The stuff interacts with the marijuana in his blood… and turns him into a rampaging \*\*were-turkey \*\* who must drink the blood of other drug addicts in order to survive. No, I’m not kidding. And neither were the makers of the movie. This insane thing is played completely straight, featuring actors who look like your relatives, and sets that look like motel rooms and your Uncle Oscar’s den. The wereturkey makeup is especially satisfying, consisting of a paper-mache turkey mask and looped turkey sound effects whenever Herschel is stalking a victim. Must be seen to be believed. I’m amazed more people haven’t heard of this one. ---
**Author:** ![Made\_in\_Macau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@Made\_in\_Macau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Made_in_Macau)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272/100 "2004-11-19T16:47:15Z")
I’ve scanned both pages quickly so as to beat anyone to… ZOLTAN, HOUND OF DRACULA The Prince of Darkness’ servant and faithful vampire Doberman travel to the USA in the late 1970’s to track down Mickey Dracula - a descendant (huh?) of old red eyes. Jeez I hope I haven’t missed that someones already posted this. BTW - what is MST3King? Is there a movie channel with smartarse commentary? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hysterically-awful-movies-spoilers/275272.md?page=6)