My names for Mrs. D_Odds are many…
The Ol’ Ball-and-Chain
The Ol’ Lady
and so on.
Every time I use them I get slapped. I use them often. I’m a sick, sick man.
The Husbandal Unit refers to me directly as “Wife” all the time. It’s just how we are. “Wife, have you seen that business card that was on the table?” “Wife, are you ready to go shopping?” We also use “The ol’ man” and “The ol’ lady.” It’s a matter of context.
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
Now if someone wants to object to sexist references to one’s spouse, look no further than the Japanese. Men often refer to their wives (one each, of course), they use kanai, the person in the house, and wives refer to their husbands as shujin master. Of course, this being Japan and all, reality is much different than these words would seem to suggest.
There is revenge for the women, though. They get lots of fun words for their husbands after the men retire, including sodaigomi “large garbage” and another meaning “wet fallen leaves.”
Damn, I’ve got a lot to look forward to.
[/QUOTE]
I need a husband just so I can call him sodaigomi. That would rock so hard.
Maybe we should all adopt PC terminology. “The person to whom I am bound in matrimony.” Look, it isn’t even gender-specific! Actually, I kind of like “spouse.” It’s cute, like mouse. Squeak squeak! No wonder I’m not married.
I just refer to my wife as “High Command.”
[QUOTE=Missy2U]
(When he calls me “the bitch” though, that’s ok, right? I just want to clarify.)
[/QUOTE]
No, it has to be “the Bitch”, with a capital B. Proper respect and all, you know. 
[QUOTE=VCO3]
I may just be a reactionary psychopath (hold for multiple responses snipping just this part and responding with emoticons), but I absolutely can’t stand this slanguage trend of referring to one’s significant other as “the wife” or “the girlfriend,” or the absolute worst, just “the girl.”
As in “the other day, the wife and I went…” or “the girl is coming over later and we’re going to…”
Look, I understand that our sitcom-fueled toilet culture - the reason that “they hate our freedom” - shits on legitimate decency, love, and respect between people and glorifies mutual acrimony and misery. I get that we’re supposed to aspire to lives of hating our spouses, “the old ball and chain,” and that it’s funny and desirable to treat that person with the smallest modicum of respect and humanity.
But this is too far - it’s a direct refusal to even acknowledge your significant other with the title and sense of pride that should be reserved only for someone to which you’ve pledged your life. My wife. Mine. “The reason I get up in the morning.”
Instead, it’s fashionable to blow her off as “the wife.” “You know, bro, the wife. The wife and I are just hanging, dude-jammin’, bro!” Like she’s just another broseph that you happen to stick it in. “Oh, yeah, the wife…that jizz-jar that I like to keep around.”
So fucking disrespectful.
[/QUOTE]
I am sorry the alternatives suggested above have been in such poor taste.
Make or rent some children and begin referring to her as “mother” instead of “the wife.”
[QUOTE=Chief Pedant]
Make or rent some children and begin referring to her as “mother” instead of “the wife.”
[/QUOTE]
“The Breeding Unit”
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
There is revenge for the women, though. They get lots of fun words for their husbands after the men retire, including sodaigomi “large garbage” and another meaning “wet fallen leaves.”
[/QUOTE]
I ought to let my Mother know this. She is now “The Boss [my Father gets] to sleep with.”
I suggest every couple adopt sickening nicknames for each other. It works for Pookie and me.
I do it here because it’s infinitely more annoying to opposite-genderize your user name to refer to the spouse. (trunkette, e.g.)
IRL, I use her name.
[QUOTE=Telperien]
Actually, I kind of like “spouse.” It’s cute, like mouse. Squeak squeak! No wonder I’m not married.
[/QUOTE]
And remember! The plural of ‘spouse’ is ‘spice’! 
I dunno. “The” implies that she’s the only one. There is no other, that it’s obvious which wife you are talking about, instead of saying, “a wife and I went to the store yesterday.”, it’s “The wife and I went to the store yesterday.”
[QUOTE=slaphead]
“The Breeding Unit”
[/QUOTE]
Keeper of the Uterus.
[QUOTE=Sunspace]
And remember! The plural of ‘spouse’ is ‘spice’!
[/QUOTE]
Too many spices, however, give one heartburn.
Dear op,
Your posts are the stupid.
Sincerely,
The Lokij
[QUOTE=Telperien]
Too many spices, however, give one heartburn.
[/QUOTE]
Which is why one should experiment to find out one’s own tolerance. 
[sub]…one is about all I can handle at the moment…[/sub]
[QUOTE=Sunspace]
Which is why one should experiment to find out one’s own tolerance.
[sub]…one is about all I can handle at the moment…[/sub]
[/QUOTE]
I speak from experience, my dear. Well, not with legally recognized ones, per se, but you get my drift.
Granted, I’ve only been on the SDMB for a year or so, but this is the dumbest Pitting by a member I can think of (as opposed to guest drive-by).
[QUOTE=Sunspace]
And remember! The plural of ‘spouse’ is ‘spice’!
[/QUOTE]
Aw, shit – I thought it was “speeses!”
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
Granted, I’ve only been on the SDMB for a year or so, but this is the dumbest Pitting by a member I can think of (as opposed to guest drive-by).
[/QUOTE]
Oh trust me, I’ve been here since 1999 - this is really really up there in terms of dumb.